The Differences

Last week, I truly became depressed.  The hand, the heart...it was so much that it blinded all the good.

Like orange clouds at sunset.

Making my "sweet things" list on Sunday literally pulled me out of the pit I had fallen into; every time I reread the list, it shoveled dirt into the pit.

I have no plans of ever returning to it.

That being said, I'm still unhappy.  My circumstances have not changed, my heart is still hurt.  I woke up with a hurting hand and nausea this morning, I worry that somehow in the night I rebroke my hand.

I was rocking some Princess Leia style buns in the back:)

Oh, I'm trying. I will conqueror this.  I'm analyzing the data and working on my next move.

I need to find where I belong.

Haven't had a tribe in awhile.

Apparently, a dear friend faced some similar tough situations.

Kirk.  He died Sunday night.

We met in middle school.

Sigh.  I'm the circled one.

A mutual love of Star Trek cemented our friendship; we'd quote Star Trek III to each other.

I hear this in a Scottish brogue...

...what have I done??

My favorite line (not that it applied to me!)

Kirk was a fan of my Fitness Quest, and he shared with me that it got him hiking after a prolonged illness last year.  We had said we should hike together when I was in Michigan...and now he's gone.

Dead.  Days before his birthday.

I wept for hours at the news-more for his family and close friends than for myself-as they asked the questions I had asked seven years ago when my sister Jenny died.

For me:

Depression felt hopeless.

   Unhappiness is temporary.

Depression consumed my thoughts to be only about myself.

   Unhappiness remembers others.

Depression is lonely.

   Unhappiness just confuses me-there are so many options!

Thank God 198,888 came up...

Unhappiness I can figure out...really I can.  I might need to get in some surfing to turn it around.

Fifteen years ago tonight, I gave birth to my son.

Happy birthday, Lad!

He's 6'3".  Quite a difference between 22" long!!

Differences.

What kind of difference can I make?  How can I rip the "un" off of happiness?  I endeavor to find out.  I just wish, when I do, I could have shared it with Kirk.  

Rest in peace, Kirk.