Awakenings

This morning I awoke to snow.

Tabletop

A friend shared a North Carolina sunrise while it was still dark here in AZ; it prompted me to look for this morning's sun.

I was in no way disappointed.

Mile high AZ.

I sat at my kitchen island, listening to the drip of melting snow and the whine of not-quite-a-puppy-anymore Giup.  I made microwavable rice (with chicken broth, and soon to be drenched in butter, salt and pepper) in an attempt to avoid fast food later that day; I didn't go in to work until 2, and I knew I should take a hike.

But I didn't want to.

My body and mind cry for the release of stress; my eyes often welling up and tears flowing freely.  It's been a very unusual week, and waiting for a house to sell doesn't improve my mood, either.  Having pink eye might be another reason.

It's Christmas this week, and for the first time in 30 years, I didn't send out cards.  Money is tight, and my heart too full.  I'm learning not to dread days but to be neutral-it's not me but it's better than the alternative.

Good things are happening; I had an epic little date with Lad.

Star Wars:  The Force Awakens

I was disappointed; it felt like fan fiction.  The next morning I felt like this:

Interestingly, only Ian & Shawna agreed.

The skies, however, never disappoint me.

People disappoint me, even though they don't intend it...and I'm learning to let it go.  In the long run, it doesn't matter.  Is this a callus I am forming?  Maybe.

I'm just tired of expecting a little, and receiving nothing.

It's Christmas.  I'm expecting nothing but to be with my family, and that's enough for me.  That's just how it has to be....for now.  And that's ok for me.