Languishing

I caught influenza for the first time in 20+ years this week.  

And of course this was the weather while I lay dying...

Well, I thought I was going to die.  Twice.  When you have a 103.4° temperature, it crosses your mind.  It crosses it again when you have a mild allergic reaction to Tamiflu.

In this case, I weighed in at the doctor's office at a whopping 169.3lbs on Wednesday evening.

By Sunday morning, I was 160.2lbs.

So long as it's a Diet Coke?!

Oh, I knew my weight had been creeping up there.  That's why I started working out.  Once.  And intended to more but I was busy, um, eating.

Well, the reset button has been pushed.  My weight should be between 150-155.  Being tall, I hid 170+ well (I'd been sick 36hrs by the time I had gotten to the doctor, and had told myself my ex had shrunk my jeans.  Seriously, I was in some serious denial.). Right now I have no appetite at all, and I'm still coughing up a storm.  I also don't dare exercise, so I'm in the most unusual situation right now.

It's a good time to take stock and decide what I'm doing moving forward.  

I wasn't even happy sitting outside in the sun reading a novel, so do you really think I'm going to take a serious look at what I eat???

Let's be honest.  Poor food choices are a result of several factors:  food on hand, emotional and physical state of the eater. Now, I'm not a big comfort eater (I steadily lost a little weight as my divorce progressed) but this last month has been off the chart crazy busy.  The result?  I ate a lot of fast food just to be eating-and I was gluttonous in eating a large burger and fries (with an unsweetened tea, so at least there's that.). With my auto-immune system on the fritz I knew I was lacking key nutrients I needed, but I hate to take a supplement.

Not that every MLM seller of such hasn't approached me.

Sigh.  That's a story for another day.

So I'm at about 65%, my cough sounds horrendous and I've only got one more day before I go back to work.  I'm terrified of relapsing, scared to regain weight and afraid I'm too weak to exercise...

So I decide to supplement.  A nice meal replacement powder mixed in with a veggie smoothie.  Tasted fairly good, and it was hard to drink-a good thing after my appetite had left.  I'm still very leery-this is chemicals, afterall, but I need to get smart-I've not been eating enough whole foods.  So for today, this worked.  We will see what happens tomorrow....I'm simply hoping my cough lightens!

Happy Valentine's Day from Lad;)