In Love

It's been at least 19 years since I felt this way...more accurately, it's been 25.

 

Me and the Buckeye.  Yes, I'm pleasantly surprised.

In May I knew I was falling in love, as our relationship moved from friendship to something more as we poured over genealogies and history together.  I worried way too much, as my last two indulgements in such a feeling were fleeting.  Both times the sentiment was not returned; both times my heart hurt.  This time I was a bit more on guard as our relationship had been quite different from the beginning; he had established rules early on that I called his gauntlet.

Excuse me while I go look that up.

 

I soooooo love the dictionary he gave me!! 

So!!! Gauntlet is actually a glove?!  So love that Buckeye of mine for giving me a dictionary-I shall be exploring the historical origins of this most of the day...:)

His gauntlet?  Respecting his volunteer work, no pressure and understanding his recent past.  At the time (this was on our second date) I told him I had no problem with any of them (it's nice to know how someone is thinking for a change.) I did, however, tell him then I wasn't like other women.

 

Pretty certain I had already sent him this photo...

Yesterday we decided to reread through all of our texts to each other; determined to see when I had made a particular statement.  It was highly entertaining as we each revealed what we'd really been thinking; we laughed as we quickly scrolled through our history.  Then came the period of time I started to wonder if I needed to move on; while the friendship was firmly in place, I simply didn't think he was interested in more.  I had agreed to no pressure months before, so I felt asking where things were going was inappropriate.  It was frustrating; as was so much in my life at that moment.  While initially I decided to take a month-long venture (I had the luxury of time), my prayers often led me to stay in Phoenix.

 

Sweet Life Cottage, Arcadia (in Phoenix!)

So I decided to jump out of a plane, literally and figuratively.  Not only did I give up on my dream road trip (it's a bucket list item and it included several other bucket list items) to move to Phoenix, but I also went skydiving and decided to give the Buckeye another chance.

 

Well, it didn't hurt to try....😍

The difference?

I also decided to give him a gift.

 Of a four-times married ever-so-great grandmother named Phoebe...

Of two great-great-uncles and a great-great-great-grandfather who fought at Gettysburg...

 

And a five-times great grandfather who was a captain in America's Revolutionary War.

When I started working on his genealogy, I knew we'd find treasures.  His delight in them?  Unexpected.  To have his carefully crafted walls come down because of them?  Divine.

In May as things changed I found myself wishing for a defining moment I knew I was in love.  With the Knight and the King I can pinpoint the moment I knew it happened; events that tipped me into that happy abyss.  This time was different...so much heartache had left my heart worried.  I knew I loved him before I fell in love, and we shared our "I love you's" before that parachute opened.  For my doubts and worries lingered when we were apart, looking back now I can clearly see while I loved him...I hadn't yet fallen.

Until now.

 

He gave me Maize & Blue flowers....don't they look lovely in front of his Buckeye memorabilia?

This week he came over for dinner, and the eight year old grandson of my landlords' decided to stroll in to my cottage unannounced.  Somewhere amongst our shared laughter and giggles I fell, completely and unreservedly, in love.

How do I know?

I've not had a worry or doubt since that moment.

 

Last night as we scrolled back through our old texts, he was surprised to read his own responses...having forgotten in our new found love how he had guarded his heart just a couple of months prior.  Sitting down earlier that day to journal, I too, had been surprised; the many worries and doubts of just days and weeks before now seemed silly and obsolete as we now so completely had intwined our hearts.

Truly falling in love, and having it returned so fully and completely at midlife is not the same as it was before.  Neither of us are naive; thankfully both of us are now mature.  We've talked freely and openly about our pasts, breaking the rules by sharing what we know went wrong in prior relationships.  We want to learn from the mistakes of history, and work to not repeat it.

It's been an unconventional relationship in many ways; while he was careful and I was frustrated, in the end it was our mutual faith in God that brought us to this point.  Now we look back and see the carefully orchestrated steps; how what we perceived to be setbacks were stepping stones in trust, patience and friendship.  That the foundation we crafted before we fell in love is strong, because it was built using God's blueprint and not our own.  

 

We plan on being two very, very adventuresome old people😎

Back on that day he threw down the gauntlet, the stray thought passed through my mind that I wondered how quickly "this one" would fade from my life.  We were saying goodbye at his Jeep, and the conversation was not lighthearted.  I didn't anticipate this lasting long, and that was fine by me; I had several other guys on deck that I could put into play.  The second I thought it, however?  My next thought:

But what if this is your future?

 

Nope, it wasn't love at first sight. 

 

The Fiesta Bowl on New Year's Day 2016 and I'm actually a blip in this picture; I say we bumped into each other that day.  We'd technically "met" online a few weeks later, and just as quickly dropped each other.  Afterall, he is a Buckeye...

And it wasn't love a year later, either.

 

Our first date, at Supercross.  This may be the ONLY first date selfie I've ever taken.

While we definitely did like each other three months later when I took our second selfie...

 

...to be honest, it was the fact he relaxed after the second glass of wine that it made me sit up and listen when I heard this song for the first time on the radio later that night:

Yes, things changed in early May:

 

The first time he held me in his arms?  On the log ride at Castles N Coasters.

Clearly, we came to love each other over the past six weeks; it was easy to do with such a strong foundation in trust, honesty and friendship.

 

We also became my screensaver...

But it wasn't until this week, as we laughed and laughed about an eight years old's impromptu visit that I can truly say we both fell completely in love.

We both know these days are fleeting; these early days of being so besotted we don't want to spend a minute apart.  As we dream of future adventures and enjoy the here and now, I am rejoicing in the faithfulness of our God, who guided our separate steps.  

 

To be in love?  

 This:)

I'm one very lucky blogging, outlier, hiking Trekkie Disney princess wannabe to his lucky Ohio hillbilly❤️

Unlikely to Change

I finally went to Disneyland, after living on the west coast for six years.

 The Princess and her friend at Sleeping Beauty's castle, Disneyland.

I went due to a rushed decision; one I made in haste last week in a moment of stress.  The Princess had called from Michigan, distressed.  She's 15, and these days are full of being 15...how well I remember them.  When I was 15, I visited Arizona for the first time and desperately wanted to move there.  I longed to feel like a normal teenager, which was difficult at 5'10" (I wouldn't grow my final inch until 16) and clothing in the store no longer fitting in length.  I would have loved a boyfriend, but that required talking to boys (something I had no courage to do) and I had the travel bug-bad.  That trip to Arizona had lit the fire in me to travel...I just needed to figure out how.

Interesting how I try to use travel to solve issues to this day...

So she's distressed, I'm stressed by the house still being unsold and various other issues I cannot control and I blurt out I'll take her to Disney the following week to calm her down.

 

Pretty sure it has not helped with my stress level...

 

Even though it did wonders for hers.

After I promised the quick trip I immediately regretted it; the hours of driving alone would be challenging as I've been overwhelmingly tired as of late.  But in my heart I knew it wasn't a bad decision-we would stay with a friend, and the only cost was gas, food and admission.  She stayed true to her word and never asked for anything extra...and memories were made.

 

"Hyperspace" Mountain...good lord.  Space Mountain will always be Space Mountain!

 

Splash Mountain was NOT the best idea...!

In the end...I do not regret the rushed decision.  The reassurance it provided at the moment, the anticipation it gave and the memories now secured made it worthwhile.  I had the time-a very rare commodity-and spent it on my youngest.  Not a bad thing, and definitely a good thing.  I let the girls take off for several hours by themself (while I found a rare outlet and charged my phone) and ended up working on Ride for a few hours-and was inspired with new ideas.  Indeed, I feel a new fire burning in my belly that was not there before-I look forward to getting home and working on it.  It's a new strategy, and it's very much based on things I saw at Disney....so I have to admit, perhaps that rushed decision may payoff.

Skydiving certainly did:)

 Still reaping the benefits of that one!

I'm writing out the ideas I have for Ride this morning, delighted by the surprise to come out of the impromptu Disney visit.  My life has been full of surprises as of late; just like I was surprised in free fall to find the parachute had opened and deployed with no issues, so too, I have been surprised by love.

 The Princess said I looked scandalous....

The Buckeye had business in Denver last week; dropping him off at the airport I commented I should pick him up in a steampunk outfit as we'd cancelled our comicon plans the week before.  Amazingly to me, he loved the idea...and again I marveled at being with a man who so "got me."  

In the end, I opted for a 1950's halter dress I had purchased for $8 at a local thrift store:

 

It's red.  Not scarlet and grey!

While I loved dressing up for him; I was quite surprised by the reaction from others.  From double takes, coffee discounts and many compliments...apparently my choice in wardrobe did more than delight my new boyfriend.  He says I'm beautiful, and I'm still not used to hearing that...I've never considered myself to be such.  I always assumed the double takes and lookovers were because I was so oddly tall and weird looking.

Really.

Come on.  This is sooo me, and so not attractive:)

Regardless of the truth, it matters not.  What matters is we've fallen in love...that parachute not only opened and deployed, but I'm entirely enjoying this ride under canopy.  I'm finding that this is entirely new...it's been more than 20 years I've experienced such a ride and being older and wiser, it's different.  My sister, who visited last week, assures me this is normal.

As in, I'm not used to normal behavior by others...and this is what I find new.

 

It was wonderful to spend time as sisters...a rare commodity as we live at opposite sides of the country.

She brought her daughter for an impromptu Memorial Day weekend visit; it was wonderful spending time with family and showing off my favorite state in the union.  The Wizard is 9, and probably the most delightful 9 year old ever to exist.

 She writes "Thank you very much" for the waitresses on the coloring sheets before she goes!

A trip to the Canyon with our mother reminded me of how much I missed hiking it; my lungs lack of participation has been very frustrating.

 Six years ago she broke her back and was diagnosed with cancer.  While she had a miraculous healing from the cancer, her back healed slowly over time.  She went from being unable to walk and needing constant pain medication to walking and now starting to hike.  A true Grand Canyon hike is her dream.

 

One of my most favorite places on the planet; what a delight to share it!

My sister's rushed decision to come also paid huge dividends, and I am challenged to remind myself that spontaneity doesn't have to die as I work on changing life habits.  Balance is key in so many things-as is maintaining peace.

I'm finding in these rocky waters of things I cannot change I have peace when I rest in God's promises.  The house sale weighs heavily on my heart, as it has consequences strewn from it that are daily challenging me to stay calm.  An unexpected source of balance, however?  The Buckeye.  As I weigh what to share for fear of rejection, he assures me he isn't going anywhere...an assurance I find I need.  I know I lost things before by rushing things...and I worry sharing problems is the same sort of thing.  I'm unused to being supported...and again, I hear my sister telling me I'm not used to normal. 

I'm also not used to being inspired.

 Especially by a buckeye!  Good lord....

Ok.  I feel better now.  Go Blue!

Tuesday night at Disney while I sat charging my phone, I chatted with the Buckeye about my rushed decision to come.  He offered no sympathy, nor did I expect or want any.  As he went down the list of my stressors he threw in Ride....

And I caught it.

I repented after getting off the phone, asking God to give me new vision for my business that has frustrated me for months.  It's not duplicatable in its current form; to see my vision for it come to fruition it must be so.  As the Main Street Square swelled with people I thought about how traveling and tourism is changing, and pondered the business anew...remembering an old idea and playing with it.  The next day I spent time chatting with Norita, who we were staying with, and who also was once part of my lia sophia team.

 So needed the time with this girlfriend.

As we brainstormed I realized one of the things I had lacked was people to talk business with-foils for my many ideas.  As we enjoyed idealic Idyllwild, which would work so amazingly with Ride, I could see some small steps I could take to move things along.  With my Disney inspiration and fresh ideas from the mountains of California bolstering me, I headed back to Phoenix, suddenly no longer exhausted.

The last 30 minutes of the journey the Buckeye talked me home; we shared ideas for a project we hoped to work on soon.  While I know being newly in love the rose-colored glasses are firmly in place, I also rest in this:  we became friends first.  Love did not blossom until five months into our relationship; after we'd had our first fight, and had dealt with each other sick, disappointed and under stress.  Looking back on our history I see a solid foundation that was built in those months...and I'm amazed.  

I honestly did not believe I'd fall in love and be so loved in return.  As my sister said, I am not used to normal.  I'm used to fighting for approval, fighting to prove I'm worthy of affection.  Even with the Knight I was not his number one...we were young, and immaturity played a part in that (which in hindsight I believe would have changed in time, had he lived.)  In the last hard years with the King I often wondered what it would be like to have a partner who supported me, and fervently prayed for that in my marriage.  As I came to understand it would not be, and the hurts became almost too much to bare, I gave up on ever having that.  It would have to be just me, right?

 Afterall, I had found exercising alone to be more to my taste. No one was there to see my mistakes.

Somethings I do do better alone, it's true.

For the last nine years, I've struggled to do much alone.  The sorrow and sadness, frustrations and fears of those days is fading quickly, as new dreams and hopes emerge and sprout.

 

Me and Adela, Norita's precious little one.  So delighted to finally meet this wee lass.

Please Buy This House!

While these days have challenges out of my hands (the house!  Please pray and share the link!!) I am finding increasingly I can trust one set of hands to always be on my side, that of the Buckeye's.  I'm finding that support to be inspiring in many ways...and I'm learning  that this time I may not have to fear the future.

 

Planning on it.

And that's unlikely to change:)