Comparisons

I've been "exercising" lately.

 Beautiful TPC Scottsdale.

I'm still not certain golf counts as exercise, but since my clubs are classified as "sporting equipment" I figure I'll go with it.  What's more exciting?  I'm doing this with Special Olympics, and my partner Dove is an athlete.  The Buckeye assures me that all I have to do is show up; he's been volunteering with Special Olympics for nearly 20 years.

Except knowing how to play golf might be a good thing, right?

My normal golfing location:)

I had tried golfing when I was married to the Knight; the end result had been frustration and many tears.  His father had said I couldn't play with the rest of the family at the local country club until I could play well; this pressure to perform did nothing to improve the continual worm burners I hit.  The Knight, wanting desperately for me to join the family, tried teaching me to no avail.  I gave up when I got pregnant with the Commander, and left my golf clubs in Michigan when I moved to Arizona.  I did, however, bring the King's late father's clubs with us; thinking maybe Manchild would want them someday.  Interestingly, these are the clubs I now swing every Monday night; seeing his name engraved on them I cannot help but smile.

The King's dad called me Sweetheart, and was a wonderful encourager.  He spoiled me and the Commander from day one, and delighted in the baby Manchild.  His untimely death before Manchild's first birthday left a void that has never been filled; pulling out the pitching wedge that first night I could almost hear him chuckling as I jumped into the sand trap.  He'd love to see his clubs being used, and I love using them.

He'd especially love that I play here!

I only had one real round of golf under my belt (on my birthday) when I arrived the first night, but I have been working on my swing at Topgolf since January.  While I'm still learning to trust my club, I'm connecting with the ball and it's going in the direction my hips are pointed.  Which is typically straight, if I'm paying attention....:)

That first night I was a bit nervous; not about volunteering but rather about not knowing procedures, and the fact it had been three weeks since I'd golfed.  I ended up having a blast with my athlete; Dove sank a 20ft putt and I assured her we were just two girls out there having fun as she whiffed a lot...but I wasn't doing much better.  My balls eventually became airborne and most flew exactly in the direction my hips sent them; in the end I was a pretty happy girl.  Add in all the planes doing low flyovers as they landed at the nearby Scottsdale Airport and I can safely say it was a wonderful night, and one I will always look forward to.

The Buckeye and I in th ONLY matching shirts we will ever wear together!

Interestingly enough, I only saw the Buckeye when it was over...and I liked it that way.  My golf game is brand spanking new, and I'm still learning.  My athlete and I actually hit about the same; my few good drives came only as I managed to pull all that I remembered together at the end.  Dove also seemed to be hitting better as we neared the finish; the few tips and pointers I gave her making a difference as she applied them successfully.  All in all, our scores were comparable (we were playing best ball)...yet at the end of the day our actual games had more differences than similarities.  Was it even fair to compare them?

As my relationship with the Buckeye deepens, I've come to see that some comparisons can be the unraveling of a relationship.  For some time now, I've compared him to the King...always with the comparison being favorable to the Buckeye.  That habit turned horribly wrong when, right after thinking about how much better he (the Buckeye) was, I inadvertently called him the King's name.  While he graciously poo-poo'd my faux pas, I was mortified.  I hadn't even been thinking of the King-rather I had been thinking how great the Buckeye was in everything...everything in comparison to the King, that is.  With my last thought having been "he's so much better than him" it was easy for my brain to fart and say the name of my ex-husband instead of the name of my boyfriend.  

And that's not right, nor were the comparisons.

It unsettled me far greater than it unsettled him; as I dug deeper I came to see I was far more in the wrong than I had initially realized.  The fact I called him my ex's name bugged me; what I uncovered, however was a deeper seed.  I was so determined not to repeat my past mistakes with the King I was constantly comparing the two - trying to avoid similar pitfalls.  It was in this constant comparison I slipped, and while I routinely call one of my children their sibling's names before landing on theirs, calling the Buckeye the Knight's or the King's name is probably not as forgivable.

At least in my book it's not; nor are the comparisons.

While we all come with baggage, asking the new man in your life to carry yours is not the best idea.  A friend posted an article on Facebook specifically about what to do when you are in a new relationship after leaving an old one that was very specific to my situation; after reading it I shared it with the Buckeye.  He shared with me (as I rightly knew) I had been making the mistakes the article listed; every one due to the fact that I was used to certain behavior from the King.  In comparing the two men I simply assumed some behavior was typical, and responded as I always would...not realizing that some of the behavior was atypical, and my assumptions flawed. 

Learning to golf on a course used by the pros...it's delightful!

It's been over a month since I started playing golf with Special Olympics, and this past week I knew I needed a golf lesson.  Something was wrong in my game and I didn't know what it was; I asked the Buckeye if we could get in a round together.  He delighted me by squeezing in 9 yesterday afternoon, despite Manchild being here for the weekend and the projects they completed together.

So crazy in love with this amazing man.

Immediately he identified my issue-I was standing up in my swing.  The improvement I found by applying it was profound; I began getting the ball back up in the air.  Bending over each ball I ran through my checklist:  direction of hips, stance, am I centered, am I reaching, are my wrists locked, are my arms hanging loosely, is my head down, sweep backwards, keep the left arm straight, pendulum! and keep my eyes on the ball!!!  Adding now to that NOT to stand up I was rewarded with the wonderful sound of the club cutting through the air, the connection of the club to the ball, and the ball soaring towards the hole.  I consistently hit one or two above par; the round and his thoughtful coaching was exactly what I needed.  When I told him what a good teacher he was, he reminded me he and his Special Olympics partner, Daisy, had been together for five years.

The Buckeye & Daisy, proudly showing off their gold medals.  His medal is in his living room, hanging on this picture.

The last two Monday nights, Dove had shown remarkable improvement in her game as she listened to my coaching (and yes, telling her to keep her head down was one of my points, lol.  Why I didn't realize I wasn't doing that myself?!) Rather than get discouraged in my own game, I simply sought out instruction for myself.  My 9 holes with the Buckeye gave me not only instruction, but was also tremendous fun as he delighted in watching me apply his coaching.  

We also might have indulged in many congratulatory kisses as my game improved....:)

At the turn we took a quick break; starting the second 9 he told me we would golf as long as I was up to it.  The weeks have been long; I've been personally remodeling my house in Prescott to put it on the market.  The first hole after the break I sliced for the first time; one of the few things my game has going for it is my natural ability to hit the ball straight consistently.  I struggled through that hole, and while listening to the Buckeye's same patient instruction I struggled not to snap at him and tell him I was doing exactly what he described.  The next hole?  I whiffed the ball four times....and that was it.  The Buckeye laughed and said he saw now where the Princess got her "over it" drama from...I sighed in relief that he didn't mind it from either of us.  As he joyfully drove us back to the car I couldn't help but think of the many times I had quit a hole with the Knight...and how different it was this time.  This time I was tired from a week of work, and had simply "fallen out of the zone" when we took a break at the turn.  I had golfed better than I ever had before, and had shown improvement.  I was golfing weekly on one of the most prestigious courses in the state, and having a blast as I learned.  I looked forward to more rounds with the Buckeye, knowing how well we were matched in temperament for the game.  

Comparisons.  Comparing people to each other?  Not necessarily a healthy thing.  Comparing experiences, however?

In comparing my game to Dove's, I could see how instruction improved hers, so I sought out instruction for my game.  In comparing my experiences to an article's, I was able to see similarities and areas I could use improvements.  In comparing how different learning to golf was this time, I've been able to soak in and appreciate a mature coach, the stunning courses and the joy of playing with clubs older than myself.

I love doing this.

They say the best way to learn something is to teach it; it's a baptism by fire but the joys far outweigh the frustrations.  So, too, are the joys I have with the Buckeye, as I learn how to have a healthy, loving relationship with him.  Comparing experiences?  It helps me appreciate the differences, and improve where I can.  Comparing people?  A no-win scenario, and one I'm challenged to give up.  Looking back on those long ago days, I now know the Knight's dad was simply thinking of speed of play; course etiquette dictated I know how to play and be able to keep up before I should consider playing at the local club.  It had nothing to do with me personally, he was simply stating a fact.  My not knowing the etiquette (lol-I'm still learning it!) I took it personally; it obviously affected my efforts.  The Knight, being young and having grown up knowing such etiquette, never realized I had taken it wrong; hindsight is 20/20.  I no longer compare one father-in-law to the other, rather I strive to see what the experiences with each can teach me.

Looking forward to this view many, many times in the future.

Golf.  My shoulders assure me it's exercise, my soul assures me the lessons can be much deeper.  Enjoying every aspect that it's teaching me.