One year ago today, on the Constellation Trail, holding a piece of wreckage shaped like the State of Ohio?!?
Last night, I was happily buried in "The History of Pickaway County, Ohio and her Respectible Citizens" digging up anecdotes on the Buckeye's ancestors.
“The next residence was that of George
Downs, a man universally known throughout
the county. He had some very peculiar traits,
was rather rough in his language, but had a
heart in him as big as an ox — a more liberal
and generous man could not be found any-
where : the latch-string always hung outside
and he never turned any away if they needed
help. I speak from personal knowledge, for
we lived beside him for several years. He was
a hatter by trade and had a shop on the public
grounds in the rear of the Market House. His
hats were very heavy and durable and I have
heard of them lasting as long as seven vears. George Downs is the Buckeye's great-great-great grandfather, and my most recent subject of scrutiny. After buying himself out of the 1863 draft, he served in 1864 in the 155th OVI in the "War of the Rebellion." I delighted in this description as it reminded me in many ways of his ever-so-great grandson; genealogy is a hobby that simply brings me joy. That my boyfriend from Ohio delights in my research? All the better.
Reading of my life one year ago, I see the theme of "slowing down" being a familiar mantra. I was desperately unhappy with my job; being overqualified is a special sort of jail sentence for someone like me. My kittens were my daily dose of joy back then, as they often are today.
Cuda & Harbaugh, perched 15ft up yesterday:). Note the green Frog Tape....sigh!
Our remodel is almost done; yesterday the soaking tub went in.
I always knew it would work!! For six years I've dreamed of this!!
Testing it:) Hopefully tonight I'll be able to try it out!
Life right now....chaos.
I've gotten up a little decor, and each room is almost to the point I can finish it--really and truly. I can FINALLY see that the end is near; this flip of my own house is nearly done.
In early August I left my beloved cottage in Phoenix to prep my house to rent--it wasn't selling so I made plans to rent it out. Things changed quickly however when it was pointed out to me that it wasn't selling due to the perceived work needed...and me, the optimist, saying HEY! I CAN DO THAT!!!!
Me with a bathtub in my car. Yep, I can do quite a bit!!
I tore this bench out of the bathroom...should have done less tearing and more unscrewing...😳 Needless to say, it's now back together in the new coat closet/mudroom.
So wayyyyyy back in July, when I told my brand new boyfriend I was moving back to Prescott with my children and parents plus two dogs and two cats. What did he do?
My wonderful, amazing, manly, former Marine boyfriend gritted his teeth, and chose to love me anywise.
And when the King decided to stay at the house while we both worked on it?
Proving to be a prince among men, the Buckeye chose to trust me and believed in my vision. Oh, it wasn't easy for either one of us...but we've gotten through it. I essentially decided to flip my own house and gamble everything on it; he decided to roll up his sleeves and drove up to Prescott to help. Not once, not twice, but every other weekend for two months.
Pretty sure I tested every last bit of his patience the last ten or so weeks....!!!
This man of mine...his love is like one I've not experienced. To be his girl?
I am so blessed.
This morning I can see the finish line for the very first time; the excitement in my heart is building as I figure out what to do next and how it will all come together. As I work diligently on each task, crossing more and more items off the punch list, I thank God for stamina, wisdom and the Buckeye.
Each night he calls, ready to give the "atta-girl!" to my victories and the encouragement when I'm struggling. He doesn't waver as I do; his love has been my anchor in this chaotic storm. Off weekends away from my house are times of refuge; he cooks me dinners and takes care of little things I overlook (like balding tires and messy car interiors...!!) His reassurance of his love I still cannot fully grasp, despite all he's done I find myself mired in unfounded doubts.
And yet I'm confident enough in his love to send him selfies that look like this....?!
Last year, this was my version of an unpretty selfie. Bawahahahahahahahahahaha...how times have changed!
A year ago was the start of me recognizing that me, being Strong & Complicated, wanted instant everything. Instant approval, instant action. I knew that I needed to slow down, but it was hard; I didn't like my life and felt trapped. I had lost focus, and my knee-jerk reaction was try harder...it took me six months to learn that relaxing a bit was the better option. The turning point in everything was my literal leap of faith when I chose to skydive--trusting God that doing what I feared would work to my advantage. In the past six months (five of which have been being the Buckeye's girl) I'm learning its more than just slowing down. It's about trust.
Last Saturday, the Buckeye and I went to one of his favorite haunted houses. I'm not a fan; I don't like gore or being frightened. He loves both; I knew going to such places was a favorite part of his fall. Loving him as I do, I set aside my serious misgivings about my ability to handle such places, and told him I'd go with him. The fear of being afraid is what had kept me from skydiving, I see no reason to feel needless apprehension!! Standing in line I pushed down growing anxiety, and quietly prayed. In the past few years anything in complete darkness had overwhelmed me--I knew it would trigger suffocating panic I could not control.
Entering the house (Phoenix's largest and scariest!) I grabbed his hand, determined to bring him joy. Overcoming tremendous fear wasn't instaneous, but I did find I was able to shut it off on occasion and literally enjoy the fun of a haunted house. With his hand wrapped around mine I was able to face my greatest fear (squeezing between two totally dark air mattresses), enjoy his fright and actually enjoy the experience of "safe fear"--knowing I would be alright. My trust in him was so complete it turned something I said I'd never do into something I'd do again (not quite excitedly yet, but...!!)
I think back on me telling the Buckeye I was moving to Prescott...and that my ex would be staying with us...and that I was remodeling instead of packing...and every visit here it looked as if we weren't getting anything done....I cannot imagine what fear the Buckeye felt. I know his history, and I know my actions triggered many harsh memories that did not play out well for him in the past.
Yet he held on to me, and faced that fear...
True love is showed in actions, not simply words. In the Buckeye I have found a godly man, who encourages me with scripture, picks up his tools and works on a home not belonging to him, opens my doors and fixes me food, holds me and reminds me constantly how much he loves me. We had a spat the other night, and we openly discussed how we felt and why...and apologized first, then forgave each other equally for our part in it.
Being his girl?
It's so much more than I could have ever asked for or dreamed. In my busyness of a house remodel, I truly have failed to slow down and recognize the gift that is right beside me. My blog of last year reminded me to do so; I am so thankful and so blessed.
Interestingly, for two years in a row I referenced a blog about loving a woman who is Strong & Complicated. Both years, I strongly identified with the blog, and lamented the first year that the King simply couldn't love me and the second year that others didn't get me either. How to Love a Strong & Complicated Woman
This year?
I'm not seeing the correlation as once did...because I am being loved. Unreservedly, passionately loved. "My eyes are on the prize," the Buckeye often says. I'm embarrassed to admit I had to ask him what the prize was. Always the last to be picked, always the first to be rejected; surely he couldn't mean me. The fact that he does mean me has changed me; I'm more determined than ever to be worthy of that love.
Being his girl?
It's the best thing in the world.
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