Fasting

For the last 150 days, I’ve been on a fasting diet.

The Buckeye and I, each trying to hide our double chins with angled head poses in late August.

I was at 182lbs, a weight I’d not even achieved with pregnancy (178lbs was my highest with the Princess; I gained 40lbs each pregnancy.)  My best weight is between 145-150lbs, but I’d be very content at 155lbs.  

Everything in my closet would fit.

So we started the 5-2 Fasting Diet in September, and it was hard until I found my groove.  Daily logging of food showed I made terrible food choices when I did eat, and that my calorie count was out of control.  The accountability of daily logging is what made me wake up and see what poor choices I had been making, and for some time.

The first ten pounds came off quickly, and then the holidays struck.  I maintained my weight instead of gaining, by simply keeping in the two fast days while I indulged.

The new year started, and my weight did not change.  While not indulging, I wasn’t eating healthy.  Nor was I exercising.  My engagement to the Buckeye distracted me, and February was wasted.  Little was accomplished in weight loss or exercise.

Or anything else.

I’ve been running in circles the entire months; first stymied by a very bad cold, and then by golf cart issues.  Throw in a tiny bit of wedding planning and boom!

Nothing is getting done.

But ohhhhh what a wonderful time has been had with the Princess and a visit with the Lady.

The Lady is a dear, dear friend...and her desire to fly out for a few days to wedding plan was so aptly timed.  Not only did we do some important things, but I had the fresh eyes of a dear friend look at my life.

And she asked me to take a look at it through her lens.

As I have prayed for perspective and guidance, little did I know it was already scheduled.  Our days together reminded me why we have friends in our lives-to remind us of what is important and point out what we can’t admit to seeing.

I’ve known for awhile I need to go home.

This house was a gift given to me in 2011.

I had asked for this home seven years ago, and it was graciously made available to me.  The only one who can make it show ready?

Me.

While the remodel is complete, a comedy of errors and disruptive dogs has pushed to the front that I have to be there 24/7, and it must sparkle as only I can make it sparkle.  Because I do love the girl, and I want her to shine.  I also have a ton of business to do in Prescott, now that the Spring Training season has started and the carts down in Phoenix have been tended to.

So I’ve made the decision to Fast and Pray.

It’s more than just fasting food, and it’s more than just prayers.  It’s fasting time wasters, like Facebook, the Internet and Toon Blast.  It’s fasting anything that may distract me from the goal:  selling the house NOW.  It’s focusing on the house, Ride and my job with eNews.  It’s making the very most of time.

I’ve delighted in baking lately...a sure sign of my domestic side aching to come out!

My sole focus during the week has to be Prescott...knowing the sale of the house, my family, my business and my job all call me there.

But the love of my life is in Phoenix.

I’m desperate to be by his side; to live my life with him.  Only the knowledge that the reward at the end of this race is gaining his last name makes me willing to run it.

Faith, hope & love.

Faith I’m doing the right thing, and knowing my fiancé supports it.

Hope for ending this Prescott chapter, and starting a new one in Phoenix, permanently.

Love.  The Buckeye’s Love is the buoy that keeps my head above water, when I could have been drowning living two lives.  Now that anchor that assures me I do have a future, as the future Mrs. D.

I am reminded of my cottage days, and the 21 days it took to learn to make my bed everyday.

The sweetest gift from a loving Father.

I don’t want to lead a life of chaos anymore.  I’m choosing to fast what I can, and focus on better quality of time spent.

Here.

For three years, my life has been utter chaos.  Terrible, uncontrollable chaos.  Nothing has been in my control.

But I have the ability to react better, with more purpose and with thought.

I also have the ability to do this.

So I start tomorrow fresh, with no mistakes in it.  I only can hope, that with faith, in the end all who I love are safe and satisfied.

If fasting works to lose weight (I’m 15lbs lighter, and he’s 20lbs lighter) what more can it help me accomplish in this life?

I’ll find out one day at a time.