It’s not night...it’s morning.
Four weeks in and I’m ready to quit.
The Buckeye says he’s fine to do it alone; that made me cry, which didn’t help my pounding head.
My eyes are very, very overworked.
So apparently, the eye ulcer of several weeks ago never healed; what I thought was a bad sinus infection was actually a partially healed ulcer. The oral steroids I’d been prescribed staved off the worse of the pain, and it wasn’t until I finished them the pain came back so badly I wondered if it was actually my eye.
The oral steroids also were why I gained three pounds in one week while on limited calories; I lost all of it the weekend after I finished the prescription. Just water weight, so that mystery was solved. As for my head, I was beginning to wonder just how messed up I was-when I read that oral steroids were sometimes used to treat eye ulcers. I wondered if I hadn’t been misdiagnosed, and restarted a full regime with my eye...and immediately started to improve.
Except now I’m worn out.
And over tired.
And an emotional wreck.
So no, I don’t want to get out of bed at 6am to stretch, and be at my desk working at 6:30am. Not so the Buckeye, who loves our new routine.
He’s like a twist between every football coach in an inspirational movie and Eeyore as of late.
Ride is in a pinch; it’s been cold, which means people don’t ride carts. While I have a new revenue stream I’m working on, it’s not quite ready to launch, and is taking up huge amounts of time. I’m discouraged, trying to keep my head above water, and I’ve been in pain for about a week now.
Plain and simple, I want to quit.
I don’t want to drive 200 miles tomorrow. I don’t want to be stressed about Ride bills that piled up when the Buckeye was injured. I don’t want to get healthy, eat healthy or stretch. I most certainly don’t want to do all of that while dealing with other people’s doubts and fears.
Despite being over 21 days in...stretching is not a habit.
Eating better in general, however, kinda is.
So this morning when I was flapping my wrists instead of doing arm circles, I was looking for a chuckle. A smile. An easy reward for climbing out of bed when miserable, and doing the right thing when I really, truly, did not want to do the right thing.
Except it wasn’t taken that way.
It’s hard to photograph sunrises; believe it or not the sky was even more vibrant than this!
While the Buckeye doesn’t mind doing it alone, he doesn’t realize I won’t do it alone right now. I’m barely staying above water, and he’s my buoy in these waves. For when a woman’s life becomes overwhelming, she gets rid of the last thing she added.
In this case: stretching, dieting and Gaelic.
Although apparently I’ve earned “crowns” so you know that’s not being ditched anytime soon.
Funny how I’ve added 233 words of Gaelic (I’m comfortable with about 100, and sentence structure is making more sense) but that’s not overwhelming and everything else is.
Of course, I’m rewarded with a singing bell when I get a lesson right, and flaming circles of love and explanation points daily....
My body doesn’t seem much different after four weeks. Yes, I can easily stand up now from a squat. My muscles aren’t as sore, and most importantly, my upper back pain is gone. I seem to have worked through the initial soreness...and we are at ten minutes a day. I *know* I need to keep it up.
But I really want to sleep. Just once....or just until I feel better.
I’ve been failed repeatedly by dieting and exercise...so there’s no hope in just them. Only with a partner have I ever truly succeeded.
Who lately assured me they don’t mind doing it alone.
Fitness quest.
Keeping it real.
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