Eight weeks Five years

The fitness quest, and my blog, are now 5 years old.

I walked yesterday and saw this....

Five years, without any success in long term goals. 

I weigh more, I’m not healthy, and life is rough.

But.

I’m sitting up straighter. I’m not hunched.  I do listen to my body, but right now I’m in significant discomfort. My eye issue appears to actually have a working diagnosis: herpes eye disease.

80% of the population has herpes simplex virus one, which causes cold sores. I’ve had horrible cold sores since I was 13; they overtake my upper lip to my nose-growing the size of a quarter if not caught early with an anti-viral pill and cream. Now, my ophthalmologist believes my ten-year struggle with eye ulcers is actually herpes eye disease.  The virus has settled in the nerves around my eye; the first time it did I was wearing contacts. The resulting ulcer produced a weak spot on my cornea that opens up when the eye is inflamed from the nerves, which is why it responds well to steroids.

This time, being with a new optometrist who wanted to be careful, we used a less powerful steroid...which resulted in the inflammation going into overdrive.

We think.

There were 6 floral and 15 circle chairs in the ophthalmologist’s office...and I was rather concerned about their random placement.

So it’s two days later, I’m on four prescription meds (one oral, three different eye drops) and my eye is dilated all the time to keep it from moving (hoping to reduce inflammation.)

I still have a sinus headache from pressure. It comes and goes, much like my train of thought.

Which makes work difficult when you’re creating a brand new thing no one has ever done before.

My cart is the one to the left, with everyone properly seated. NOT the one to the right, in which they should be arrested.

Lately, I want to quit work.  It doesn’t help I have a job interview in two weeks.  The interview is actually a catch-22...I’ve been in so many where I’m the final two and they chose the other person.

I often want to do follow up with those companies and ask if the person they hired over me is still there. I know for a fact the job I almost got at Embry-Riddle in 2016 the other person didn’t last a year. 

What if?

I can’t change those what if’s.  I know this.

The only one I can change is the one in front of me, right now.

What if I quit?

What if I do more?

What if I stay stalled?

That’s Joe Schobert, who will be a free agent soon. I’m hoping Berry re-signs him!!!

Right now, I’m a free agent. I need help. I don’t know what to do...or do I?

Kinda like exercise.

Kinda like this quest.

Never, never, never give up.

Ok, so quitting is off the table.

We did this BEFORE everyone else, by years.

Remember you’re an innovator.

K.

But.

My head hurts and I have writers block and I don’t know what to do.

And I need help.

That part I’m sure of.