Starting over

I weighed 158lbs this morning.

This despite carefully controlling 200 calorie fuelings all last week (I stayed right at 155lb.) so over the weekend I chucked it and ate what I wanted.

Pain does that to you.

So fueling #1 before CrossFit- 18 cashews.  It's one of the few foods my stomach tolerates this early.

Today I start over:  back on my fuelings, my annual doctor visit (ladies, it's the one we all love), early morning CrossFit with a very hurting hand, burning shoe leather for eNews and counseling.

It's no longer trying, it has to be doing.

With my morning cup of coffee, in my almost too small gym shorts, it sounds easy.

My iPhone camera is great for masking cellulite!

Yesterday was horrible; the pain effecting every decision.  As I reflected back over the past few months, I realized a gapping hole in my life was not the fault of my husband, the King, but rather from the loss of my prior job.  For 12 years I was a senior level field manager for a jewelry company; a perk of that was extensive travel, which I love.  New cities meant new adventures as I immersed myself in local culture-enjoying the food, people and history of where I travelled.

Adventure.  Excitement.  I crave these things-they make up a large part of who I am.

Looks like I'm never gonna be a Jedi...

It's been two full years since my last vacation with the King.  It's been eighteen months since I've been in Michigan and spent time with family and friends.  I did manage one short little extended weekend last November...

Florida, not California.  I grew up in the Midwest.

...and I am so thankful for that.  But then I hit my head, the same week my company closed.

The Quest began two months later.

I'm at a crossroads right this minute-today.  

June 22nd.

Time to make it work.

Tears

Too many early mornings+

Still getting used to the new work week+

Reinjure hand+

A hurt heart=

Tears.

Lots of tears.

Exercise is supposed to help.

It doesn't.

Or at least it hasn't thus far.

My hand injury has cut into my hikes, the one truly therapeutic outlet I have when it comes to strenuous workouts.  Without my poles it's too much, and I learned the hard way that too much grip too early stretches the bone.

It saddens me it doesn't look Vulcan.

It hurts worse now than when I first broke it, and the discoloration has returned.  This is day three of near constant pain.

Then my heart took a double hit.

Since my brain injury (which inspired this quest), I've struggled to find my heart.  Misunderstandings, lack of needs being met...little things have been insurmountable as of late.

I never want to exercise again.

Funny how my mind takes it out on something that is supposed to help, isn't it?

I will be at CrossFit in the morning.  I hope I sweat to the point of throwing up.

I will beat this.

Excuse me.  I have tears to dry.

The Banishment

Yesterday, I skipped CrossFit.

Despite the fact The Professor was all smiles.

I didn't want to go, I knew the extra effort to get there before work was daunting.

I still got up at 4:50am.

I discovered Lad wasn't home at 5:00am (I had worked late, he had stayed with his Grandparents.)

At 5:15am I had pulled clean workout clothes from the laundry room pile and caught the King's eye.  He's on vacation this week.

We live waaaaaay out of town.

My view of Granite Mtn.

It's a 25 minute drive into town, workout for an hour, 25 minute drive back, shower too fast, get ready for work, 25 minute drive to work.

Or...

Get some coffee.  Talk with King.  Enjoy an extra hour in bed.  Do a three song workout.  Sweat some more.  Leisurely shower, one drive, not three.

I don't call this a score for Maverick.

I call this judicial use of time.

I'm 18 weeks into the Quest.  This is the first workout I've skipped...and today, I wish I had done it.  Yesterday though, it was the best choice.  It's still the best choice, even though I'm craving that deliciously sore feeling that only comes from weighted squats.

My dog misses me:)

I new wrinkle?  My hand.  Again.

Apparently a hose nozzle is more than 5lbs of pressure.

Still swollen 24hrs later, and I did it at work.

So I feel guilty today about skipping yesterday's workout even though it was the right choice.  Apparently the excuse monster and cheat monster have a friend I had yet to meet:  the guilt monster.

I don't think so.

I refuse to feel guilty about skipping.

That monster?  Well he can just go take a hike.

And I happen to know I'll be at least 40 paces ahead.

Captain's Log: Supplemental.

There's no way in the world I want to work out tomorrow morning.

It's my Thursday (not Friday like the rest of you), I'll be doing a lot of dirty work tomorrow, and I just got home tonight from work at 9:30pm.

It's been a 15 hour day.

I'm hitting this wall right about now.

I hope after six hours of sleep I'll feel up to a workout, then work.

Then dancing.

That alone will get me through the day.

Workout?  No.  I don't want to (but I likely will).  Dancing?

Yes, please.

Keeping Up

This past weekend, the King & I slipped away to Oak Creek Canyon for some R&R.  

Arizona.  It never ceases to amaze.

One would think that with two guest bloggers this blog would be easily maintained, right?  Of course, they are both single dads, both very successful professionally, both working out and both lacking a wife to nag them to get a blog post done.

Sigh.

The weekend extended into Monday, and I did nothing in the form of exercise all weekend-I needed a break.

Lovelocks.  Guaranteeing you'll want to return-a brilliant piece of marketing...

Thus, the last two days were exhausting. Up at 5am, in the gym before 6am.

Lad had a tough time on Wednesday.

Home late, but at least I had this waiting:

Javelina Leap is a local vineyard.

Add in a hike yesterday right after Crossfit:

Thumb Butte, week 18!  Note the bandage off the hand.

And the new job...

And you have one tired blogger.

I think I need to give my guest bloggers a call, don't you?

Time to go rock this set.

Settling In

Who'd ever think I'd prefer a morning workout?

All smiles at 7:45am, workout complete and ready to get to work.

Less than twelve hours after last night's workout Lad & I were back at CrossFit.  6am.  Yeah, I know.  I must have the bug.

I still can't lift, and that's frustrating.  My hand was so sore I asked Joey to give it a break (haha) and he set me up doing wind sprints.

Oh, this was my first thought!!

400m run down then up a hill, followed by hip extensions and 20/20/20 planks.  Five times.

Have you met my friend Ferris?

He's a big proponent of skipping the fifth set...

The first sprint left me breathless; I took a moment outside to collect myself.  No way I could let Lad see me weak-not happening.  Emotionally weak, sure.  As a future man, he needs to learn to comfort a woman (or leave her alone:). Physically weak?  Nope.  Not happening.

Second set, and I'm worried.  It's too hard to breathe.  My extensions are harder to complete, as are my planks.  No way I can do five sets.

Third run, and I'm breathing easier.  The extensions and planks remain hard, but I'm intrigued-have I hit cruising?

Fourth run, and it's not too bad-after all it's my "last set" right?

I see Lad, chatting with an older gentleman.  He's finished his sets, and I claim to just need a cool down.

I do the fifth set.

It was fine.

Runs aren't as long, either.

I rowed for a cool down, and then Laddie and I left, his arm draped over my shoulders.

"See, that wasn't that bad, was it Mom?"

Accountability.  Partnership.

Amazing things.

Anger Management

Let's just say an evening workout does not agree with me in thought.

I was pretty unhappy, but Lad thought my mood funny.

BNI was at 7am, immediately followed by eight hours on the job, and now I'm expected to FREAKING EXERCISE??

It's time for some serious motivation.

Scarfing.  It was either that or death by dread.

Time to flipping row...

Oh, I HATED the very thought and idea of working out tonight.  Everything in me said NO.  I stomped in the house, threw my dress across the closet, and mocked my reflection.

You see, I've gained weight (again) since starting CrossFit.

I'm watching my "maintenance" fuelings, and yet I'm packing on pounds while clearly feeling my muscles change.  Apparently I'm gaining muscle, but that means FAT is hanging strangely like I've never seen it look before.

Nearly done...60lb kettle bell squats, 100+lbs leg press, ring pulls and abs, with those damn bent arm rows in between.

Frustrating is the name of my quest.  NOTHING absolutely nothing, had gone the way I thought it would.  At 17 weeks, I expected to somewhat enjoy exercise and be reasonably fit.  Instead, I struggle with fat, I can only breath hiking because I'm in the lead and I have a still very broken, not healed hand.

I tore off the sweaty wrap after CrossFit.  That large lump is the dislocated bone healing in that position.

At 17 weeks I am stuck doing the mundane workout due to the break, the air monster is still very real, and Ferris shows up more often that not.  Add in the new job, the old job, family...it's simply not easy to fit exercise in.

This excuse has been brought to you by your friendly excuse monster, call sign Maverick.

But I've managed it...because of partnership and accountability.

I have hiking partners and a lifting partner.  Tonight, I only went to CrossFit because a) Lad was expecting me to and b) Joey was expecting us.

And c) I ate comfort food on the drive in.

I show up at 6am at a trailhead because someone is waiting (or will eventually show up.). I workout because I promised Lad I would be there with him.

Our trip home was smiles.

Dinner was on the grill when we got home, and the sunset was lovely.

There's so much to appreciate.

Life changes.  Sometimes a lot.  I'm finding that with a partner and some accountability, I can go far.