The Last Time #46

When was the last time you looked at your naked body and liked what you saw?

Probably the last time you got a good night's sleep, too.

I've never really have given my body much thought; I was too tall to attract the boys' attention, so my body wasn't something I thought negatively or positively about.

Then I had a baby.

Abbie, 3 days old.

And another baby.

Charlton, a few hours old.

And one more baby.

Parry, one week old.

Let me tell you, I didn't like my body from the day I birthed Abbie onward.  The stretch marks-everywhere!  Thigh, stomach, breasts!  After nursing three babies a total of five years, my poor baby feeders look like limp gym socks, and no exercise will ever improve that.  The scars have faded over time from two c-sections, but the silvery lines on too stretched skin will always remain.  I was once just too tall, and now I was too marked.  Not one to obsess over what I couldn't change, I ignored my body.  I kept my weight in check (until the recent concussion) but I cared little for it.  It had served it's purpose in birthing three beautiful children, and had nourished them through babyhood.  Job well done, body.  Then I just ignored it...for the next twelve years.

February 2008, when things were good.

Oh, I did enjoy being thin; I'm not going to lie.  As I approached 40 I actually grew to like how I looked for my age; interestingly, that's when the "boys" started to notice.  Remember, I started the Quest not to lose weight (that is a non-David corrected lose there) but to regain my health.  Now, 8 weeks in and about 15lbs down, I'm looking differently at my body.  The marks no longer bother me.  What do I want it to look like?

Really?  You honestly think I'd post a picture?

I'm more than comfortable now with my baby brandings.  Nothing a good bra and spanx can't correct.

This is miracle stuff.

But the rest of it?  I *liked* seeing definition in my biceps.  I *love* having strong legs.  If the cellulite could be banished, I'd swear it was heaven.  I still need to do one good push-up (wait!  Let me go try!  Nope!) but my next goal...what does it look like?  Is it what my body can do, or what it looks like?

With my new body goal question in mind (because I had put on yoga pants, which are very unforgiving, and spanx aren't an option in them) I headed to yoga at the Adult Center with Katy.  I expected another lovely stretchy workout.  Wrong.

Almost immediately, my stomach became upset.  Nausea and yoga are not a good mix, and I quickly grew very frustrated.  My mood blackened, and I dreaded the class immediately following at another studio.  I had trouble doing everything.

Just like Data in The Goonies.

I managed to muddle through, and hoped some fresh water and Tums might help.

I hoped blaring this night help, too.

At Vinyasa Studio I felt a little better, and I was assured this was a laid back class.

Unfortunately, it was hot yoga.

Not me.

The nausea returned quickly, complicated by the first song in the medley played.  My brain was overloaded with too much sensory, a byproduct of the concussion.  I felt the freaking air monster sneak up on me, and immediately focused on just breathing.  

I had no clue yoga could go south so quickly.

The South.  Sigh.

My body recovered; it may have been the lack of sleep, or some drainage in my ear.   I fell asleep during relaxation, startling awake when a bell sounded.  I felt much better with just the five minute nap I had snatched; Katy shared that falling asleep during relaxation is the equivalent to four times normal sleep.  No wonder I felt better; apparently my body thought it had a full twenty minutes.

Finishing up in restroom, I tried to finger comb my hair before I left the studio.

Do you see it?! UGH!

A long silver strand.

Grama used "chocolate kiss" by Loving Care.

I do the sensible thing, and pluck the offender.  Back to body goals.

Tired from a week of hiking, exercise and work, I drive home in silence.  What goal DO I have with my weight & body?  Do I need to have one right now?  I do want more strength, and the sculpting that naturally comes with it.  I do want to be cellulite free.  I'd like to be able to look at myself naked in the mirror and think- "well done."

But for now?

I still have to do a push-up.  That moves into primary position.

and

To touch my nose to my knees.  To gain flexibility.

I have but one man to present to this world....

Charlton just brought in this flower for me.  He found it growing by the driveway after hacking at shrubbery with an ax, just for fun.

Makes me think I'm doing something right.