Scrubbed

There's a blog I started, and never finished.  I tried just now, but my heart is elsewhere.

 Patriotic individual cheesecakes, made from scratch by the Knight's mother.

I'm in Florida, brought here by the invitation of a company who wants to recruit me.  I agreed to listen only if my return ticket was the following weekend, knowing some time by the ocean was a sure-fire antidote to my stressed out body.

Shall we back up?

When I last left you, my fat jeans didn't fit.

😂

There's no way in the WORLD they fit now, but....

Anyhow, it was a moment I chose to reflect on the days before motherhood and widowhood; too quickly those roles were conjoined.  In life I've always tried to find the good, the joy....and its been difficult as of late to do that.  I'm tired.  Tired of bad luck, and things out of my control.

So four allergic reactions at once?

Par for the course.

 Tacos help deal with things😂🤔😳

My oldest turned 21 on the 10th, and I found myself in my doctor's office at noon.  I was miserable, in pain and exhausted from it.  She listened to my chaos, and to my abject horror, pulled out a shot.

It was not one of my beloved rye whiskey's, either.

Within hours, I felt better.  As the steroids brought my over active immune system under control, the pain subsided.  A wee bit of concentration returned.  I gathered my two youngest and we drove three hours to be with my oldest; her only birthday wish was a dinner as a family.

 So thankful the King and I are friends, and this was a wonderful evening with our children.

Please note how ridiculously big my hips are.

The week flew by, and Saturday I departed for Scottsdale.  Sunday I found I had an unexpected free afternoon, as earlier plans were postponed.  I decided I'd climb Camelback, on two conditions:  first, I had to find the trailhead, and second, I had to find a parking place.  Those in the know are shaking their heads; to my surprise I managed both.

 Beautiful Echo Canyon trail.

I started up, and immediately could not breath.  Dang it.  Fished out my inhaler, drank some water, and waited a minute or two.  Took photos.  

Oh, what I was in for.

 This is the "trail."

Huh?

This.  This is what 75% of the "trail" was.

I ran out of gas, right here.

I was tired, I no longer cared about getting to the top, and I was thoroughly annoyed by the rock scrambling. That, and I knew going down on this was not going to be easy.

Oh, I went to the summit.

And felt no joy.

 Don't get me wrong-it was breathtaking.

 Heading down...

When I ran out of gas, I could have scrubbed the hike. I chose to go on.  Finish what I started.

"Scrubbed" for those who are not fans of rockets, means a no go.  Last night, the Knight's mom and I headed to the Cape to watch a rocket launch.  The countdown was halted at t-minus 4 minutes, and restarted after a delay.  At t-minus 3 minutes, 23 seconds there was a hold as an aircraft had strayed downrange...likely a fluke...but guess what?  The launch window closed in the meantime.  The launch was scrubbed.

 Mom and I pre-scrub:)

It seems there's been an overflow of scrubs in my life for a very long time.

From my career being halted, my marriage failing and many simple cases of bad luck, scrubbed is actually too kind of a term.  Life has just been tough.

I went to Florida to check out a company as their guest.  I had thought I'd spend a week at the beach, working on Ride.  

I scrubbed that plan.

On purpose.

It's been a very long time since I have been unconditionally loved.

 

 Ohhhhh we've had fun.

I like to say she's bribing me to stay by making everything from scratch.  In truth, I'm staying because this is where I'm supposed to be.

I'm getting serious work done on Ride, and I'm eating three meals a day (of five courses each, with two desserts.  Seriously.) I'm sleeping well, and I've got a partner in fun.  Mostly, I have someone who simply loves me, as we both loved more than anyone her son.

My Knight.

He would have been 50 yesterday, and the coincidence of our daughter's 21st and his 50th was not lost on me. He so wanted her birthday near his.

 Today we watched the inauguration...I took pictures of her taking pictures.

Scrubbed.

All those shut doors, all those halted countdowns.

All good.

Last night, I was about to cross off a bucket list item-to see a rocket launch.  It was scrubbed.

That means I get to come back😊

It's amazing how the last vestiges of a broken heart can be healed by a mother's love.

A few days ago, I was weary.  Today, stuffed with cheesecake and sourdough bread, I'm fat and recovering.

It's all good.

When I get home, we have spectacular plans for Ride. This break allowed me to plan for them, and my new partners make their inactment possible.  I'll be able to exercise more as life continues develop a healthy rhythm.

Things are getting so much better.

 So, so, so much better.

I ran out of gas...and He came to my rescue.  It's a lyric in my favorite worship song-all week it's been running through my mind.  Whether I join this new company or not, it was a reminder I have high value in business.  Being with the Knight's mother reminds me I have high value as a daughter-in-law (whose husband has been gone twenty years).  Tomorrow I get to go to one of my favorite cathedrals, my favorite Beach.  Indeed, He came to my rescue.  

All I had to do was scrub.

Give up my plan for His.

The joy that is bubbling in my soul is a deep knowing I will be ok.  That I am on the right path.

 Nope, I didn't fit:)

I am loved, and I have value.  Weariness masks that. So thankful my plans were scrubbed, and I was reminded of the things that matter most.

Happy 50th birthday (in heaven) to my Knight.  Years ago, you wished for this (and you know to which I refer;)  So very happy to have done my part in it.

So very happy to heal.