Seven years officially as a couple!!
lol, which means this blog is 9 years old?
And I’ve struggled with weight and exercise and health for nearly a decade.
January 2014. I still miss those shoes. One of the dogs ate one in 2015 and it still bothers me when I look for a pair of black flats!
In 2014, the company I had contracted for nearly a dozen years slowly went under. I think the slow demise took a harder toll…and the decision to close I had no control over. The emotional strain that declining finances took, trying to stay motivated but seeing the signs…it was a lot. The Knight added to the angst; our marriage had been rocky since my sister’s suicide 6 years before. The head injury, and closure of the company the same week, really brought to head multiple problems. After our divorce, my ability to eat anything I did with glee-with consequences of weight gain. I justified buying one size larger…knowing I was breaking a cardinal rule.
Never buy the next size up. Cut back for a week or two instead.
Next thing you know, it’s a decade later and you need to lose 40lbs.
Thank God I still have a waist.
My trigger point was 200.00 on the scale. The last week, it’s been 189. It’s not budging, despite having less than 1000 calories a day, but I’m not discouraged.
I’m getting healthy.
So much of the last 10 years has been a roller coaster of emotions. The breakdown of my marriage, the divorce. Then being single; the worst experience of my life. Then the joys of falling in love, and finding the person I wanted to do the rest of my life with. Getting married, and him immediately losing his job; followed by the horrors of his brain injury. Rebranding a company during the middle of a pandemic, and the hard, hard work a start up for the last four years.
Today marks one month since hiring RCO, and I feel as if I am emerging from a fog: I have help. The Buckeye has completely stepped back from the business. It’s as if the heavens have opened, and angels have begun to sing.
God is good.
He is more than good, and I am astounded by what He has worked in me.
Driving to the airport to pick up the princess on Sunday night, a song came on that I like…but don’t like.
Hold my Hand, by Lady Gaga.
And in that moment, it took on a new meaning, as often a song does. I knew I was firmly in God’s right hand…and I saw a new future I hadn’t imagined before.
Yesterday, I had a meeting with an advisor as I prepare for a pitch competition in August, competing for $10,000 in a statewide competition. I had won the regional competition in March, after nearly canceling appearing and literally walking in cold.
That day in March reawakened much, and as spring has worn on, I can feel the old wounds finally healing.
I’m not bleeding anymore.
I’m finally scabbing over.
That really seems like something to celebrate, doesn’t it?!
After I rid myself of the sickening extra 10lbs I had put on this past winter, I discovered I might actually want to cook again.
Let’s just say while this meme is 100% facts, it’s also a fact I hate cooking. A lot.
Yet yesterday I whipped up two healthy dishes, and enjoyed two tasty meals and easily stayed under 1000 calories and honestly don’t care if I lost weight.
Because I’m getting healthy instead.
I’m changing habits, and exercise will eventually come.
And the weight will come off.
How do I know?
I have peace.
And almost as importantly, hope.
I’ve made it. It is now.
And I know it without a doubt.
I’m healing…and soon will be fully healed. The scab will disappear, and there may not be a trace of the past. Even if there is, this season of change is behind me. I’m holding God’s right hand. And that’s more than enough for me.
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