#girlpower? How about make me FURIOUS instead!? (#43)

 #GIRLPOWER Monday on @GMA: What would you do if you weren't afraid to fail?

Those are words meant to empower my daughters.  To identify the fears holding them back, so that they can be successful.

Oh, I am an angry Mama.  

Today, Parry woke up sick; I woke up finally well.  While cuddling on the couch watching Good Morning America, we see  a segment on The Empowerment Project.  Two young women took a month to travel 7000 miles across the country, interviewing 17 successful women the media knows nothing about.  They challenge all viewers (i.e. girls) to ask themselves:  What would you do if you weren't afraid to fail?

Really.

I started to seethe.

#1) Why, as a girl, am I ASSUMED TO BE AFRAID?

and #2) Why is FAILURE a negative for girls?

Fear, lately, has been getting far too much credit for our lack of success.  I talked about it last Thursday in the blog-I feared hiking Granite #261 due to a bad episode with the air monster the day before.  I never got over the fear during that hike (in fact, I'm certain it will accompany me this entire week); fear marched by my side.  It didn't stop me from succeeding-I succeeded in spite of it.  

As you can see, I was NOT my happy self.

Fear of failure does not stop our girls from becoming who they want to be.  What stops them are two intertwined things:  knowledge & resources.  Looking back on reasons I wanted to quit the Quest, you might have called some of them fear; fear of pain being primary.  Let's break that down.

What caused the pain?

1) Air monster (aka undiagnosised exercise induced asthma)

2) Being unfit for # of years

3) Doing exercise above my fitness level

Are any of these really fear-based?  Or are they facts that needed to be acknowledged and properly handled?

1) Air Monster:  got a diagnosis, now get an inhaler.  Problem fixed (thank you, Kim O for correcting my oversight on that.)

2) Being unfit:  yep, and you're gonna be sore for about three months.  Knowledge:  it will take about three months when you are 43 and completely soft.

3) Doing exercise above my fitness level:  maybe you shoulda spoke up, eh?  Heck-you're a flipping reporter!  You could have stopped and just reported!  Additionally, I lacked knowledge in this case of proper form (since corrected by The Professor.)

Knowledge makes quitting illogical.  

Live long and prosper.

Resources-had I made USE of the plentiful resources (i.e. prepared) I could have avoided most of the injuries.

Except the black ice.  Remember my bloody knee, with an embedded pebble?  Here it is today, 6 weeks later.

The point is:  knowledge and resources where, and are, available to me.  I CHOSE not to use them (I've since corrected this error.) In my case, it was thoughtlessness.  With our girls, however, it's usually naïveté.  They simply do not know what is available to them.

As a girl growing up in a 900sq ft ranch house with three other siblings, eating Kraft macaroni & cheese, and having just exactly what I needed, I had no idea HOW to make my dreams come true.  At age 15, I visited Arizona.  I decided I wanted to move there, and wrote down the numbers for realtors on the big signs off I-17 as we drove to the airport (let's think about that for a second...I WANTED to buy the land inbetween Bell Rd and what is now Anthem.  Granpa laughed at me in 1987.  Sigh! I still have them in my journal...) 

Hiking in Prescott with best friend Rochelle, 1987.

When I returned in 1990, I thought my only two college choices where Prescott College and Embry-Riddle.  Wrong again...and let's chat about ASU, Grand Canyon College and NAU.  Why didn't I apply there?

Quite simply, because I didn't have the resources to attend, or the knowledge to change that.

So I buy a book about hiking the Inner Canyon on 5-11-90...

...and I just opened it last Thursday for the first time in 25 years.  

Oh, I cried.  Big crocodile tears.  

I didn't fear failure.  Fear didn't stop me.  Lack of resources and the knowledge to get around that stopped me.

All weekend, I feared being unable to do today's workout, and I still fear my breathing capabilities in hiking this week. Thinking of today's misplaced blaming of fear, I decided to enjoy the workout (it was yoga, after all) and see if I could make it more challenging if I found I was able.

Yoga, sweet blessed yoga (I'm with yoga instructor Katy Kolasa all week.) Today I experienced truly EMPOWERED yoga.  With shoulders back, dropped and lats on (thank you, Professor!) I created resistance within my movements, using my own body weight (thank you Sgt Steve!)  Tonight, my pects and biceps are happily sore-from yoga!  I created a variation using knowledge-and I loved it!  I look forward to doing this all week-and note who did the empowering.  It wasn't Joey or Steve-they simply passed on the knowledge.  I used Katy's class as my resource-and viola!

Parry tried to take photos of me doing yoga at home:)

Did I overcome fear of failure?  No.  Failure isn't even something I fear.  You LEARN so much from failure that it helps you succeed down the line.  I tried an adaptation, and blessed be, it worked.  If it hadn't?  So what?!  

Are our girls to wimpy to try again?!? What the heck?

Today-I had my very FIRST exercise high.

I could conquer the world.  

I stepped into the Arena.

Makes me weep; I'm inspired to get up at last.

No one "empowered" me.  I didn't have to find something I could do if I wasn't afraid of failure.  I simply had to lay down the DISTRACTIONS, FOCUS on a clear VISION, and move towards it.  So what of fear tags along.  So what if I fail.

I'm gonna dust myself off, smile, and get right back to it.  Did I mention I now can fit in one of my favorite dresses again?  And my Lucky jeans??  Oh, today was good.  Not because I was empowered.  Not because I thought about what I could do if I wasn't afraid of failure.

Because I took fear by the hand and said-

Let's have some fun.

39: #261 & Mephistopheles

#261

There was true anticipation of a good hike, the nervousness about the elevation change and true fear of the air monster.

It doesn't look steep here at all!!!

The air monster.

Ugh.

Yesterday hurt-for a long time.  Dr. Keith, my PT friend, told me this morning that side stitches are a curious thing.  Likely, it's a cramp of the internal oblique (as opposed to external oblique that I pulled in my second week of exercise.) I find it interesting that every pull, strain and pop has occurred on the right side-which I know is weaker since the concussion on the left side of my head.

Fear.  Not my excuse monster, Maverick. Not my cheating conspirator Ferris.  True fear-Mephistopheles.

It's not discomfort-it's pain when my throat tightens.  It's fear-I can't catch my breath.  I thought the air monster was defeated when I hiked the Grand Canyon last week-apparently not.  

Granite #261 is not a stranger to me.  I did it three years ago with my husband and then 11year old son.  Since then, the mountain burned. I'd looked forward to the hike; much of it was through the burn, and nature renewing itself after a fire is remarkable.

The edge of the burn.

This morning was BNI, and my nutrition coach Jim thoughtfully tapped my undrunk glass of water as I poured my third cup of coffee.  The Professor sat next to me, and we laughed at my unsuccessful attempts to lift at home.  I lingered too long after the meeting, putting off the hike just a bit longer.  Yesterday had thrown me off.

Dotty and the boys met me at the trailhead, and we debated if we added the dogs to the log "book" before entering the National Wilderness.

We decided yes.

The hike was completely different than three years before-the fire had changed the landscape.

Sarge loves me❤️

90% is crispy; you can barely see Thumb Butte if you know where to look.

The flowers, however!!

Color everywhere🌺

The hike was actually an average hike.  I did stop for water a half dozen times, but I never got winded.  While the rocky trail and my borrowed set of poles made it more tricky to navigate, it wasn't a difficult hike.

I was pleasantly surprised.

The top-I watched the fire crest over this point two years ago from my home.

She brought me Pirate's Booty for lunch!

I can see my house!

The hike down was quick-it was cold-and I loved the security and ease the poles brought to my hips and knees .

Dotty is determined to get a century plant for herself.

This hike I feared-when it turns out there was nothing to fear.  I easily handled it, and it was well within my fitness level.

There's a popular saying out there:

Which would mean you have to get beyond fear, to get to the other side.

Well, fear didn't leave my side today.  It was very present all the way up the mountain.  I wanted to do this hike, I wanted the views.  I got what I wanted IN SPITE of fear.

I do love, love, love to fly.