Hallelujah

I didn't argue politics the entire election.  I didn't talk about them here, as it's really about fitness.

 And sunsets, kittens and Capt. America, truth be told...

Then I allowed myself to be sucked into a defense of the electoral college (I'm rather besotted with the genius of our Founding Fathers) and found myself suddenly tossed like a pinball amongst conflicting beliefs.  This is our reality since this election cycle began; instead of polite discourse, divisive accusations are being hurled.  While I typically only see hate being spewed online, and have not seen it in person, a friend was recently targeted.  She speaks four languages, and is a legal immigrant to the US.  She writes (in English) for a living, and teaches writing in English.  On this day, she was speaking in Spanish on the phone at a coffee shop, and a man demanded she "speak English!"

The pen is mightier than the sword.

Speak English!

This altercation, added to the sudden hateful outbursts of emotions and beliefs, broke my heart.

I love America.  For all her flaws, I will never not regard her as the greatest country on earth.

Except apparently it's wrong to believe that anymore.

Do.  Not.  Get.  Me.  Started.  About.  This.

In my personal life, my parents finally returned from their six week adventure.  

 Aunt Joan, Dad & Mom.

This means I can resume exercising...for I can now go to work early and get off at a reasonable hour for a workout.

Except it's dark out now at that reasonable hour.

And then there's this:

 If you don't recognize this-be so grateful.

This past week I had a third date with a great guy; he'd hate it but I thought of him as the Grand Boobah.

 Yep.  Same guy:)

We had a wonderfully fun date, but driving home with Kyle, I admitted there was no spark.

The spark.

It's caused me so many tears this week!  The spark is beyond chemistry.  While chemistry is never guaranteed, it can exist without the spark.  The spark is what can ignite into a life together, if nutured.  The fire that results can flash and burn up quickly, or it can be built to last.

 This fire was built to give comfort and steady heat for hours...

The wonderful thing about dating is I choose to learn from each new relationship, however brief.  With the Grand Boobah, we both quickly admitted it wasn't a lack of chemistry, it was the lack of a spark.  There was nothing there to suggest long term.  We both laughed at our mutual respect at acknowledging something with such ease, and parted as friends.

I later cried.

Not over him, but over the realization that I had had a spark with others.

One had been fanned ever so lightly, keeping it alive far too long, and growing into nothing.

One had been instaneous combustion, scaring me with its intensity.  I ran, not prepared at the time, and not recognizing its potential.

But more recently, there was a spark.  It grew quickly, and this time, I wasn't the one who ran.  It still smolders, all these months later.

This week I tried to douse it with salt water.

Rather unsuccessfully.

Love.

The Greek had three different words for love, and all three have begged my attention this week.

Eros, or erotic love, is that spark.  A spark that can burn out quickly, or it can be nurtured into a fire.  That fire can consume, or it can be a source of comfort.

Philos, or brotherly love, is what is missing in this election.  No longer are we bound as brothers, sons and daughters of a great nation.  Suddenly hate is acceptable, rather than free discussion of ideas.

Agape is total love, an unconditional love that is the embodiment of Eros and Philos combined.  It is the fire that is cultivated to give off heat, is controlled to be productive and to nurture those around it.  It thinks first of others, and desires to hear foremost the heart of those in despair, seeking to comfort them.

The cry of my heart is not the missing spark, or the still smoldering fire of many months ago.  It is the disappearance of agape in so many areas of my life.

The Princess has a new favorite song.

I'd heard it before...it always enchanted me with its Biblical allegories of David and Samson.  As I learned the lyrics this week I came to understand their meaning...

And it's me.

Right now.

And as I cried for love lost, my broken hallelujah rose.

For hallelujah is Hebrew for "God be praised!"

Hebrews 13:15

Through Him, therefore, let us constantly and at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, which is the fruit of lips that thankfully acknowledge and confess and glorify His name.

As I contemplate the reorganization of my life, slowing down, being patient with time and things out of my control, I am reminded of my broken hallelujah.  Broken though it is, my God is still great. As I bring my sacrifice of praise, peace rains down on my weary soul.  

And they shall know we are Christians by our (agape)  love.

Love (agape) never fails.

I am simply called to live a life expressing this love.  That is my peace.

Tea and conversation also helped...!

Now if only I could figure out the exercise thing...

I'm off to hike.  I think I'll praise on the way.