I had had an asthma attack, and had tried to use my old standby of water as a source of relief. It wasn't working, and my coughing grew worse. Fishing through my pack I quickly found my inhaler; my hand was quivering as I shook the device and then took two puffs. Instantly I felt my airways release, and my coughing stopped. The Buckeye gathered me into his arms, and noted my heart rate had already calmed down. Relief mixed with mirth filled me; I'm still so newly in love that his concern for my health brought me more joy than the scare of a serious attack had brought.
Yep, that reads 120°
It's too hot to exercise, and when I think I've found an exception, my lungs still protest. Walking earlier that day in the 110° heat that day I recalled how I felt the day of the bad hike, like someone was sitting on my chest. The dust, the heat...not the best combination. Still, history had been made in that spot, and I was too excited not to push on.
This history girl somehow never knew a Civil War battle was fought here in Arizona!!!! And the Confederates won!!
So while we loped through history all that weekend, visiting battle sites, mines, courthouses and cemeteries, I thought just staying hydrated and walking would be enough.
Boothill Cemetery, Tombstone, AZ
"Why Kate, I do believe you forgot to wear your bustle. How lewd."
The Buckeye in Maize & Blue, about to tour the mine.
Turns out the heat, with the excessive amount of dust we always have in Arizona, was enough of a trigger. The asthma attacks I had that weekend were fierce, unexpected and scary.
This summer I've taken a break from outdoor exercise, which means I'm not exercising at all. To have attacks happen with very little provocation is startling, and makes me wonder what I should be doing.
Besides sitting moony-eyed at my love.
Please note my Maize & Blue outfit to combat his overt buckeyeness:)
Independence Day weekend was spent up in Prescott with the Princess and Manchild, watching the parade and attending rodeo.
We sat in the middle of Gurley Street; it was only in the upper 80's.
Gold Buckle Box seats!!!
Jeans and boots....
Despite the elevation, I had no issues breathing. The dust was less and the temperatures not so formidable. As I debate the next month of activity, I am keenly aware of the weight I've added from a mere six weeks off. I've never been a big eater, so I'm debating just what a healthy diet is. If exercise needs to be limited outside due to asthma, then I need to take better control of what I'm eating. As for indoor exercise?
It's not going to happen.
Why lie and say it is? I hate gyms with a passion, and have no extra cash to join one even if I wanted. I'm not going to walk at the mall. I'm not going to do Pilates in my living room, and going to a studio is not financially possible at this minute. I'm stuck in many ways right now...just the asthma not being under control is a symptom of health insurance with a $5000 per person deductible-meaning I'd have to pay cash, that I don't have, for any additional treatment.
This isn't a complaint, nor an excuse. It just is. We all make choices based on facts, and these are the facts in my life: I have no money to seek medical help with the asthma, and no money to seek indoor exercise.
So that means one thing: I need more money, and that means I must turn my attention to Ride.
You'll note the shirt is waaaaaaay too tight😂
I'm doing in business what I know to do-and good things are happening, even though change is frustratingly slow. Add in days like yesterday, when it seems the weight of an unsold home is too much; a full year and a half after the divorce that precipitated it's sale. My patience has grown thin, and there's no safety net this month. This is it, and I admit that yesterday I gave in to fear. Fear of the house not selling, and foreclosure. Fear of Ride failing. Fear of not knowing where I will live in August. Fear of losing the Buckeye, even though there's no basis for that. Fear of not having enough to make it, as plain and simple, that's where I stand.
I ache for a hike...a heart pounding, muscle aching hike. I want to sit on my peak and reflect, not grow curvier. There are times I long for the physical outlet...the reminder that my body is currently unable reminds me I have to do more, and I buckle down again.
This is a fake $100 bill. One of my drivers was handed it and the customer asked for $80 in change. In the daylight it was more obvious-but even I was fooled at first, never thinking it was fake.
Outside my window is nothing but jackhammers and backhoes, as the cement pool is removed from the property were I live. Lately I long for the normalacy of home; my weekend in Prescott triggered that. To have my own dishes and sheets, my own art on the walls. Whilst I love my little cottage, it's time.
I need what is mine.
Top of Granite.
Inner Canyon.
Top of some random Phoenix mountain😜
Everything seems more stressful because I haven't been hiking. It's gonna be 115° today so it's out of the question.
My office, before the house was staged for showings. I miss it desperately-for 14 years this was my refuge.
My things, they are all packed away.
My children.
I ache for a home to give them, and feel as if I have failed in that most basic need.
But what I have? Right now?
A beautiful and safe place to live for July.
A growing company. This is Miss Betty getting a bath last night.
The love of a man who is my anchor in these choppy seas. (Despite his terrible taste in football teams.)
And Jesus, the lover of my soul.
As I find increasingly that it is my faith alone that is sustaining me as I walk on water to do what I know I am to do, these words move me to tears.
My anchor holds within the veil.
The veil is a reference to the Holy of Holies in Tabernacle, where God dwelt among His people. The veil thus represents the very presence of God, and I through Christ's sacrifice, am anchored in it.
I am humbled as I reflect I just referred to the Buckeye as an anchor as well...he who sent me scripture yesterday to uplift me right when I needed it. He who sent me sweet texts throughout the day-that always popped up when I was at my lowest. For God to give me such a man, who seeks after His own heart, how great and good is our God! The Buckeye's gentle reminders of our shared faith have made these days more joy than stress, more peace than frought with worry. Indeed, it is when I haven't seen him for a few days I find the worries begin to overwhelm me....
So while my books, a good hike, and a home aren't mine this month as I continually wait on the sale of our home at a critical, critical juncture....I have a business that is on the upswing. I have a man who loves me and blesses me reminders of our faith. I have a loving God whose Word has never failed me-ever.
The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:11-13 (amp)
"Not that I speak from any personal need, for I have learned to be content and self-sufficient through Christ, satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or uneasy, regardless of my circumstances. I know how to get along and live humbly in difficult times, and I also know how to enjoy abundance and live in prosperity. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing life, whether well-fed or going hungry, whether having an abundance or being in need. I can do all things which He has called me to do through Him who strengthens and empowers me to fulfill His purpose—I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace."
The only thing I can control right now?
Some things in Ride.
and Me.
While I had to turn down some help with Ride yesterday, I also had amazing amounts of work accomplished and it truly is headed in the right direction. As for me? I know that while I made some tough decisions, they were the right ones. As the day went on, I began to recognize it was fear I had given into-and it was fear that had driven my tears. Over and over yesterday I saw many moments of hope and joy--this is but a temporary season in my life. While I'm missing my children and a "normal" life, I have the very best "unnormal" life ever. I had to chose to stop thinking about the "what if's" of fear and count the joy.
James 1:4 has always been a favorite. Today, it's 1:2-7!I'm counting it all Joy. In this, the much needed sale of the house, I'm waiting to see the ram caught in the thicket. For surely God will provide what I cannot see with human eyes...and I'm determined to have joy in this journey.
After rodeo and our Gold Buckle Box seats with Manchild and the Buckeye.
Did I mention how the Buckeye and I won four Box seats and combined prize packages totaling $3500 in fun stuff to adventure to? The favor of the Lord, no doubt! Yesterday was tough, it happens. We all have tough days, I'm finding mine only come when I take my eyes off of the promises of God and look at the waves around me.
Thanking God I have not one, but two anchors I know will hold, for His plan and for all of the blessings I have. For surely, His Joy is my strength when I chose to look to Him, instead of the waves. Right now, I'm called to "do what I know to do." Seek first the Kingdom, and work Ride.
I know, that I know, that I know I will be ok when I put Him first. Yesterday was a humbling reminder of what chaos fear wrecks when I don't. I'm determined to be the victor I know I am.
Which obviously means I must wear a lot more Maize & Blue:)
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