I'm the curator for the Prescott Fire Department. Not because they have a museum; I'm curator because four years ago they lost 19 firefighters...and the world expressed their mourning by sending over 10,000 letters, gifts and mementos.
Four years ago, two kindhearted and concerned ladies saw a need and organized taking down over 5000 items that had been tied to the fences around the fire station where the men worked. They put out a call for volunteers, I came willing to do anything and found my skills as a museum registrar were valuable. Why I came? I wrote this note five days after I started helping:
In 1996, I was widowed with a 3 month old baby.
My husband died of cancer, and several hundred attended his funeral. Perhaps a thousand. I don't know, I wasn't counting.
My love was gone.
In those days and months that followed, I rebuilt a new life. Widowhood is different: your future is erased. All you planned is gone. With a breastfed three-month old, I had to get on. I had to focus on the baby. Eventually, my heart was opened to new love. I remarried two years after my husband died. He adopted my daughter; we had two more children.
Seventeen, now nearly eighteen, years have passed.
My daughter always knew she "had a daddy in heaven." She saw his photo, and had a foot locker full of his things. At seven, she literally went through a period of mourning for him. Lately, she's more interested in the "dating memorabilia" box I kept.
I have worked in a museum in the past as a registrar - one who catalogs items. Since moving to Prescott, I have volunteered at Sharlot Hall Museum with the collection of artifacts, still cataloging. I am honored to be the volunteer curator for the Tribute Fence Preservation Project.
First, it's about the children.
My baby still doesn't *know* her daddy-he died when she was 3 months old. Her foot locker holds clues to that missing chapter in her life...and preserving the Tribute Fence is first and foremost for the children the Hotshots left behind. This was THEIR daddy. People hurt for them. People cared for them. Preserving the Tribute Fence is the least we can do for these little ones who are not yet old enough to understand. They, and ALL the family members of the 19 are why we are working so hard.
Second, its about the Fire Department. These guys work their butts off, every day of the year. If we can help in this one area - we are more than happy to. These guys have been terrific - and we are privileged to help them out.
Third, it's about the community of Prescott, Arizona. I cannot imagine this wall springing up anywhere else in America. Truly, this represents the heart of the people who live here.
Preserving the items left at the wall is more than just saving them in a box somewhere. It's about taking time to make certain they are reverently preserved, cataloged and set aside for whatever the future may hold. What it brings, we don't know at the Project. We just know that we want to be ready for it.
My baby never knew her dad. It is my hope that the babies and children left behind will know how much their dad was loved and appreciated through the Tribute Fence Preservation Project.
Originally written September 16, 2013
From organized chaos....
...to temporary storage.
The city is preparing to sell the building the items have been temporarily stored in, and with a feature film coming out, followed a few months later by the five year anniversary, my role as curator has churned up to the surface of my life once again. It is strange, working again with items I know so well, and have so many emotions concerning. Over the past four years, I have dealt with situations so fantastical due to my involvement one could not write better fiction; right now is another such time. There are so many things I ponder, knowing I couldn't do it any other way, and wishing it didn't hurt me so much. Being kind is tough-perhaps that's why so few do it. It's too easy to be misconstrued as self-serving, when there's nothing farther from the truth. I do things with kindness as it's the right thing to do...and for no other reason than that.
It's been hard, very hard, to keep that standard as of late.
Yesterday I had one of the worse eye ulcers I've ever had; it come on fast and furious. Rarely has the pain been so bad, nor for so long. As I searched for distractions I thought to blog about my stressors, knowing my eye ulcers are an autoimmune response to stress.
Or as a result of the adrenaline dump from this brush with death...only the Buckeye's offensive driving saved us from a branch penetrating the windshield. We were both fine save for a showering of fine glass, the jeep is fixable and he has great insurance. You can clearly see how shook I was due to my crazed choice of apparel immediately thereafter.
So I make the list....and it's long. Very long. I make the list of what's right and it's short.
What's right:
- God is good.
- Everyone is healthy (eye ulcers are temporary, asthma is just a hiccup. OK fine, everyone else is healthy except me.)
- I have an amazing boyfriend in the Buckeye, and my children are wonderful.
- Ride is operating in the black.
And, that's it. One week from today is my last at my beloved cottage, and the house still has not sold and we've no money to pay the mortgage. I've had over a dozen amazing interviews with promises to start and then nothing. I'm doing everything I know to do, and have a peace that I'm going to be ok...when the list of things that aren't ok is long and staggering.
Overwhelming when I looked at it.
And as I started to sink when I saw the waves, I cried out to my Savior; the peace immediately returned as I focused on Him.
And doing what is right.
Even if it means others can't see it.
Even if it means only I know.
Eagle's Hall, Prescott.
Four years ago, over 700 flags were pulled off the fence around Station 7 sopping wet. The local Eagles donated space to dry them. I did not let a single flag touch the ground.
A few people knew, and a few people questioned it. Wouldn't it be easier to just lay them on the floor?
Respect for those who fought for that flag prohibited that option in my mind, and we made it work.
Right now, I just want to do what it right. As tears fall, and I ponder just what that is...I reread the note I wrote four years ago.
"Preserving the items left at the wall is more than just saving them in a box somewhere. It's about taking time to make certain they are reverently preserved, cataloged and set aside for whatever the future may hold. What it brings, we don't know at the Project. We just know that we want to be ready for it."
One year later, the items made up part of the "A Fire Department Remembers" exhibit.I don't know what my future brings. I'm learning to adapt quickly to these rapid changes, and keep my eyes focused on the peace God has poured over me. I know I need to keep "doing what I know to do" -even though many of those things no one will see but me. It doesn't matter if no one knows but me-when it's the right thing to do.
I told the Buckeye I wanted to go on a picnic with him for my birthday...and days later won a picnic basket for two.
In the midst of the pain I was in yesterday, and the thousand tears that have recently fallen, I won this picnic basket. Some would call it coincidence, I call it God. It was a sweet, sweet reminder that He does hear me, and knows the desires of my heart. As I purpose to do what I know is right....I cling to the peace that passes all understanding. It's going to be ok, and despite the storms I can enjoy right now.
Ice cream with raspberries, hot fudge, whipped topping and M&M's certainly made it sweeter:)
Now I just have to do what I know is right. May God give me the strength to do it.
No comments:
Post a Comment