Love my business, but goodness did we underestimate maintenance!!!!
I’ve been in the Pacific Northwest visiting family, and one cart, Greenie, went down two days after I got there. I held off repair until I returned home and, now home, another goes down. While I DO have an accepted offer on our home, closing isn’t until 1/15...so the profit I made in the remodel isn’t available until then.
Which means my source of income was just cut by 2/3rds...with no way to pay for the repairs. Or Christmas.
Yesterday, Michigan gave me hope for half a game that they might beat Ohio State.
My Buckeye and I:) The fact I couldn’t find my favorite Michigan football shirt I swear I had with me I took to be an omen that we’d lose.
You know, this shirt:
We are NOT doing an O-H here...it’s just an unfortunate coincidence, really!!!
Around halftime I started feeling funny. Like I had a bad chest cold or something coming on. It kinda felt like asthma but not quite....and it was asthma. Had to take numerous hits off the inhaler. Went to bed early, slept forever. Laying there before I drifted off, I willed myself not to cry. Owning a business, things can turn on a dime. One cart down is bad, but manageable. Two isn’t. Suddenly the business is in danger.
I have contingencies for the business...and it’s gonna be ok. Both carts will be repaired this week, and back to making money. But as owner, I won’t get paid this month....and I have a mortgage with one more payment due. Credit cards that financed the remodel that must be paid...and my income is gone. Nevertheless Christmas, and the fact I need to get my lungs under control. My insurance doesn’t cover doctor visits...or prescriptions...and there’s nothing I can do. Such out of control feelings and a body not cooperating...it’s amazing I actually fell asleep.
When I did, I dreamt of skydiving.
The first dream I willfully jumped from the plane, tumbling and then remembering the right position. I could see Flyboy near me, showing me what position to be in. When I realized I didn’t have on a chute I didn’t panic at all!! I decided to land like a bird on a rock on Willow Lake, and slowed my descent using body position to achieve it. I landed with precision and joined my son (who was a toddler in the dream, not 6’5”) for a picnic. It was joyous. Flyboy told me in the dream I did so well, I didn’t need to jump tandem anymore.
In the second dream, however, I was tandem jumping. Out of a helicopter. We jumped twice, and zoomed around in the helicopter for a bit. It was marvelous, and I had a wonderful time. I don’t know who my tandem instructor was, but I was quite content.
In the final dream, I was wing walking on a biplane, with no parachute. I felt no fear, only joy. Flyboy said I could jump without a tandem, so I put on a chute (while sitting on the plane, go figure) and I did. The freefall was amazing-I built figures with other skydivers and Flyboy again taught me different positions to change my freefall. When my chute opened I was surprised...I didn’t know how to land. Grabbing the toggles I just hoped for the best, and recall only being enveloped in silk. It was my Buckeye who greeted me on the ground, as I joyously told him I was going to get my license to skydive. I felt nothing but joy as I woke up, the dreams so vivid I thought they were real.
After my real skydive, taken by Flyboy.
The house is quiet, only the dog’s gentle snoring and the sounds of the outdoors. I can hear birdsong mixed with the traffic, and my chest doesn’t feel constricted.
I have a choice.
Seven months ago, right now, I didn’t know what to do. The apartment lease was up, and I didn’t feel returning home to Prescott was the right thing to do. I planned a trip instead, to visit family and friends. It would take a month, and it would tick off many bucket list items. I had the time, and I had the cash. Yet I felt drawn to Phoenix, and I couldn’t explain it. I recall prayerfully crying the entire drive from Prescott that last Sunday before we closed up the apartment; begging God for vision to know what to do. That night was when I had the first skydiving dream...I awoke to skydiving Groupon ads on my laptop (having looked it up the night before.) That day, I made a choice: I would stay in Phoenix, and I would skydive.
I never, ever wanted to skydive.
Ever.
That week, I found the cottage.
Bliss, joy, happiness and healing. Oh, so much healing, it all took place here.
And I asked if anyone wanted to skydive, and a friend said yes.
Since no buckeyes jumped with me, I wore my Wolverine shirt (both Flyboy and (obviously) the Buckeye are buckeyes).
And setting aside all fear with faith, I had the best day ever.
When I cried for answers, I had two immediate ones: rent a place for yourself (ohhhhhh I love my cottage!!) and go skydiving. I did both on faith.
And immediately received the peace passeth all understanding. The jump will forever be a powerful reminder that when I thoroughly trusted Him, nothing could shake my peace.
Nothing:)
Last night at church, one of the passages was James 4:8, “Come close to God, and He will come close to you.” The message was simple, to chose to draw close to God rather than to drift away. Last night, I was hurting physically and financially the next six weeks could harm my credit simply due to the timing being off by two weeks. Yet I know in six weeks when the house closes, it’ll be ok. I’ll owe no man anything, and have an abundance. Everything will be paid in full. My children are old enough to wait two weeks for Christmas gifts...and it’s really a choice at this moment.
To have faith.
Faith that the house selling will have no hiccups, and will close as scheduled. Faith that my business contingency will work, and work quickly. Faith that I’ll have enough to cover the bills regardless of income.
Faith that I will soon be in my own, new home.
Two years ago, I readied my home for sale, take all that I loved and putting it into storage. The house didn’t sell, and my home was but a shell. There was no joy there as there once was.
There is now:)Lovingly remodeling the house, and restoring the pride in it I truly believe is why we had a quick sale, in the first three weeks on the market.
The blessings we have now: to spend Christmas in our home when it’s beautiful, to have time to plan the move, is good. By faith, the finances will work out as I put into play my contingency plan. I’m not going to freak out over a downed cart, I’m going to make it work. This week I have a second interview with a company I’ve applied to for over two years. Prayerfully, it will lead to a full time position-on the corporate side of direct sales. An entry position, yes...but one I believe I would love, as I so love the industry. My focus right now needs to be on what I can fix...and have faith that the rest will not harm me, but bring me hope and a future.
It’s Christmas...and this year my focus is entirely on the joy that Christ’s birth has brought me. The overwhelming peace that has consumed me since waking this morning is a choice to believe that as I draw close to God, He will show up.
Lately I’ve had wonderful philosophical discussions with those who do not believe in God; is it an oxymoron to call such a thing “wonderful?” I confounded one with my clearly libertarian leanings and yet believe in what they held to be a deeply patriarchal system that suppressed women. We deeply respected each other, and as we shared our beliefs I could feel the palatable hurt they had endured. I knew my testimony wasn’t adequate to persuade them any differently, but hoped my willingness to listen and understand their perspective would lead to more conversations in the future. They never asked why I believed, or asked what benefit I drew from it. They saw only the negatives that so many others see: suppression, lies and hypocrisy.
Why do I believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God whom I call Savior?
Because I don’t believe I can have this kind of peace without Him.
For me, its not about the promise of eternal life (although a wonderful gift, and comforting at times of loss...that’s not why I believe.) I believe the Bible lays out what will hurt you, and what will help you. Sin in the Bible is all the things we now scientifically know will harm you, either physically or emotionally over time. To my scientific mind, that’s all the proof I need God is real. Our designer laid out how we work...thousands of years before Man figured it out. As I’ve lived my almost half a century, I’ve seen time and again that to enjoy life, I have to have peace. And the only times I have true peace?
When I trust in Him.
Instead of panic, I feel a building excitement as I chose to draw near to Him. Thankful He gave us a Savior in His Son. This Christmas is something entirely new, and I will chose to savor it. For this peace is the best gift I could ever receive.
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