Fitness Quest Rogue 5.0: Gaining in Everything

I weigh now essentially what I weighed the last two-three weeks.

I’m trying to care, but I admit...I’m too happy.

I’m still doing my fast days, and frankly, it’s why I haven’t put on a ton of weight. It’s keeping me stable when on the other five days I indulge in chips, or hearty breakfasts of lettu & sausages, made from scratch by my amazing boyfriend, the Buckeye.

Last week😂😂😂

I’m not going to lose more weight if I continue to eat like this...but at the same time, I kinda like eating like this! Thus, the realization has hit I must add exercise back into my routine; my asthmatic lungs shouldn’t protest too much as fall has finally settled in. There was a nice crispness to the air yesterday as we travelled the Apache Trail; as lifelong Midwesterners turned Phoenicians we laughed heartily that we could feel it at 74°! My lung issues had started back when the temps hit 90°; finally, it’s cooled down and the air conditioning has been off over a week now.

My last trip to the top of Piestewa, May 10th. A week later I’d only make it half way up, two weeks later I’d suffer heat exhaustion.

Let me clarify...we Jeeped the Apache Trail:)

I so loved this!!!

Canyon Lake at the start.

Arizona’s “Jr. Grand Canyon”

This weekend was the first in many we had no real plans; the Buckeye took out his new foster mentee (I haven’t met him yet, so no nickname yet!) and a mild injury had sidelined him from his weekly rugby practice. We’ve decided that Saturday evening church works best for us, followed up by sushi and grocery shopping.

Because the snowbirds are back, and they don’t grocery shop at 7pm on Saturday’s😎

That left Sunday open for the first time in ages; our impromptu trip to Apache Lake and the drive along Apache Trail via Tortilla Flats was delightful.

Fall in the desert:)

It also meant I didn’t record any of my foods for this weekend until this morning....and I’m thankful my weight is pretty much the same. I’m fluctuating between 171.2 and 173.2, which is a normal weekly fluctuation if I wasn’t trying to lose weight. Given my food history it’s easy to see why...and it’s easy to see how to fix it and restart the process.

Exercise.

I did run a few yards of this-oh, how I miss trail running!

It all comes down to my lungs...and this week I’m going to work on my diet. Their are foods that supposedly help alleviate asthma symptoms: foods rich in vitamin B complex, magnesium, vitamin C, selenium and Omega 3 fatty acids and vitamin A. All are linked to being anti-inflammatory; my 5:2 diet is also considered to be anti-inflammation. Being more aware that my non-diet food choices are crap, and my asthma may be directly related to it is key in changing it. In reality, It’s more about having those better foods available. Saturday I was alone, and the Buckeye had not yet been grocery shopping. My scavenged lunch was heavy on carbs...and laziness on my part. It was easier to supplement my hunger with my beloved chips than carrots (of which there were plenty) as it simply “wasn’t a fast day.” Having a better plan for non-fast days is key: as is knowing what foods help prevent exercise-induced asthma (thankfully, it’s still only that!)

So while gaining a bit of weight (and losing it, and regaining it...lol, it’s actually pretty stable right now) I also find I am gaining in love.

I am continually surprised at the fact that when I think I can fall no more in love than I already am, I fall more in love than ever before.

The Buckeye took this on Friday; I was delighted by two things. My waist (haha! Yes, I’m a bit vain!) and how happy I look.

We’ve been a couple for six months; we’ve known each other for just over ten. Friday I took him on a treasure hunt (with a picnic lunch!) and Sunday he took me on a Jeeping adventure. Both were impromptu treats, neither took more than a few hours planning and cost very little. Yet the experiences will linger as memories forever; neither of us will forget how the other saw a way to bless.

And that’s why I fell more in love than ever before.

A busy friend had commented casually on a Facebook post this week, “Are you falling in love? ✨” with wishes for my happiness. I chuckled, knowing how busy they were, and wondering how just now they had come to that conclusion when I had been so overt in my declarations of such. Yet things have changed recently...a settled peace has poured over me. The sudden death of a friend this week has me contemplating how unpredictable life is and remembering vividly what widowhood is like, as his wife who is also my friend, now faces it. These memories of widowhood, swimming to the surface with such clarity, have had the opposite effect I would have thought they’d have.

Fear of loss has clung to me for 21 years now; this spring I realized that habit had lead to rushing, and never slowing down. I’m always wanting to hit goals quickly and check them off; for instance, I fell in love in May. Done, checked off, completed.

I realize after this weekend it never has to end.

As I watched him decide to go on an adventure on a day that’s always held painful memories, I fell in love a bit more. Yesterday as he delighted in my gleeful giggles, it happened again. I fell a bit more. The realization that I could continually fall for this man coated my soul in peace; this wasn’t just a box to be checked. 17 years of struggling in a hard marriage, where I regularly had to chose to love a man who didn’t necessarily chose the same, had caused me to forget. I had forgotten how little moments were special, how falling love was a process that never ended. Remembering the hardships of widowhood had unwittingly drudged up memories of the days leading up to it...and the years prior. Of the Knight and I accidentally saying the same thing, and our ridiculous immediate response of “Jinx. Double jinx. Triple jinx. Quadruple jinx...” until one of us said something different, and we’d giggle like little kids...and fall a bit more in love. Of how arguments lead to making up; knowing after our bond was stronger, and falling a bit more. How little tasks like dishes after dinner together knitted us together...and how I had written we’d reached cruising altitude just before he was diagnosed with cancer. I was surprised by jealousy when it cropped up; knowing my friend’s last strangled words were of love to his wife, when my husband died without me by him. Jealousy popped up again when the Buckeye had a Facebook memory unexpectedly show him and his prior girlfriend; his careful erasure of his past having missed a memory. I pride myself in not being a jealous woman, so I was surprised by both instances; digging deeper I saw it was merely leftover hurt from widowhood, and the other nothing more than being so completely in love I had wished both of our pasts away. Widowhood memories indubitably made me think about my future with the Buckey, and the potential that I could possibly walk through widowhood again.

And instead of fear of loss, for the first time I saw the many moments yet to come. Of contented excitement, looking forward to our first hike in five months later today, and the low-cal fasting day dinner we’d come home to. Of our upcoming excursion to the Wickenburg Bluegrass Festival, and our very first Michigan-Ohio State game together. Our first Christmas; the first anniversary of our first date. Valentine’s Day (which he swore he didn’t celebrate on a hike before we fell in love) and using our airplane tickets from Prescott. I don’t want to rush to any of them. Remembering my widowhood, and the unexpected death of a friend exactly my age, put in front of me that today (now) is simply to be savored. That the sweet note I received after I woke up this morning is, quite simply, another reason to fall deeper, more madly in love. Everything I ever needed, he is so much more. As I gain perspective, I gain in love. I thought I knew what I wanted, until he repeatedly shows me he knows me better than I know myself.

At church, pastor talked about sifting through the sediment of our past; dealing with and then discarding the bad as we find it. Rushing, I simply sought to capture things before they were lost; a life of rejection and loss had taught me that. My accumulation of sentimental things was a symptom of that; trying to hold on to the happy memories they represented. As of late, and with the house remodel complete, I see I can rid myself more easily of stuff than ever before. I don’t need proof of past love when I’m living it daily.

While the weight I’ve gained I’m learning to deal with more effectively, the perspective and love I’ve gained have blessed me. The peace I have now I don’t understand, and I’m choosing to simply relish it.

The past....we can let go of it!!!

Am I falling in love? Yes, and more-so every day. I plan to never stop this time; to always be looking for those little things that cement us together.