We don't need a man...but having the right man can be a blessing. Rather than be frustrated with dating, I had fun with it!! I developed a fun online dating system that worked super well, so I thought I'd share.
First, after trying them all I find Bumble had the best "crop" of men:) Yes, I've chosen to poke fun at the process as I "harvest a crop" hoping to "pick" the "ripest fruit...!" Online dating can be frustrating, so comparing it to farming...well, it makes it easier!
So, Bumble is the "nicer" version of Tinder and works the same way-swipe right if you like/left if you don't. The difference is women have to message first, and that's important as you'll later see. My method I worked on for some time-so know it's well tested:)
First off, only plan to get on the dating website ONCE in a three week cycle. The reason you do this is to beat the built-in algorithms...if you log in everyday you'll not see the variety you are looking for. Follow the process and enjoy the steps-it's less frustrating when you have a plan. Next, build a quick profile, with less selfie pictures, more action pictures and always include a full body shot that is super recent (lets be honest immediately, it saves issues later.) When you write, keep it super short, and avoid saying you're "sweet." If you have kids, be simple about it, "mom to three teenagers" or "mom to 4 & 6 year old boys." Bullet points are good (men hate to read our fluffy stuff;) Be real, and realize all the other girl's pictures are full of boobs. Like all of them. Don't worry, you don't need to show a ton of cleavage to get a good guy.
Next, harvest your first crop. Very quickly swipe left and right with abandon. Don't bother reading their profiles-yet!! This is the first culling process...have fun! Left, right-your goal is to get as many matches as possible for the next step. Once you've reached your end (no more available) that's it. Don't go back in a few hours to swipe more. No more swiping until you're done dealing with this "crop."
On Bumble, girls go first, which is awesome. You have 24 hours to connect-never pay for the added features! You don't need them!! After your swiping spree, check out your matches (more may appear over the next few hours). Avoid the temptation to swipe more--men are plentiful, let's just stick to this group. Now look at each match and read their profile. Look for clues in photos, look at the friends/family, clothing, etc. Delete those you aren't interested in! This is winnowing the crop-you are weeding out the undesirables!
With the group you have left, divide them into two categories-really like and the maybes:) The maybes? They got just this: "Hey😊" The burden was TOTALLY on them to make me interested, as they were only a maybe (I actually found my business partner with this methodology😂😎). The ones you like? Look at their profiles and find something you have in common and ask them about it. Then wait for the responses.
You want to get off Bumble asap...but you also don't want to give out your number first. Gotta be safe...so within the first 24-48 hrs if there's easy communication, ask for their number with a "let's switch to text, what's your number?" Never, ever give yours first. If he won't give it to you first, delete!!
Once you have his number, punch it into the reverse phone lookup on Been Verified. This is a great inexpensive background checker. 95% of the time his number will reveal his name, and you can do a background check on the same site. Unlimited background checks and phone lookups for $17 a month-worth it's weight in gold! Been Verified is spot on for criminal records in their general check--girls, always run this!!! I've had guys with extensive criminal records pop up (mostly guys I met in bars, and on other dating sites, but a few on Bumble) and remember-he does NOT have your number at this point. If you see something disturbing-delete!!!
So by now you likely have a few numbers (if you did it well, three or four was my average) and let the texting begin. Here's the deal-don't drag this part out. Don't hound him. The best rule to play by? No pressure!! If he's interested, he'll respond. Within 24-48 hrs of that initial text, you should have a phone conversation. If it lasts an hour-you need to meet. If he doesn't suggest it; you suggest coffee. He hesitates? Gone.......don't be texting him. If he suggests dinner? Yes, go:) You will likely cull a few more out in this phase, and be left with one or two.
Don't drag out the meet online until meet in person. You won't know if it's "for real" until you meet in person. Don't waste time on guys who will end up not worth your time -you can't get those hours back!!! If you think you like him-meet sooner than later!!! I've had several awful dates after thinking the guy was great on the phone--you can't tell until you meet!!
Meeting someone-always tell your bff where you are going, who you are meeting and HAVE THEM TEXT YOU DURING THE DATE. My bff is a former Green Beret so that was always a great conversation starter when he'd text me on a date;) The text is for several reasons-an out of you need to bail, and a good gauge to see if the guy is offended (if you like him, tell him it's your bff checking up on you. It shows you are a quality girl:). Always meet on "your turf" where you are comfortable. Always drive separate. Be safe:) if you'd like to see him again, let him know when you say goodbye...and let the next move be a thank you text and that's it! Be patient girlfriend, the right guy will pursue. If he doesn't...well, there's always the next crop!!
Once I perfected my "harvesting of a crop" last summer, I only had to pick three crops (over four months, each crop took 3-6 weeks to go completely through) before I found "the one" in January. A big thing is to not start a new cycle until you've cleared out the old cycle, it gives you control of your time by having standards and I met amazing men-many who became friends and networking contacts. One is now my business partner and another I just hired to be my ad guy (and he's incredible!) That's also something to remember-if there's no spark but you gel? Friendship is amazing!!! Just be honest:)
So "the one?" We actually became friends who simply kissed goodbye. After two months of casually dating him, I stopped dating others. I never pressured him, but was always "there"-popping up now and then. By May I considered harvesting a new crop...I knew I was interested in more, but him? Maybe not. So I decided to cook him dinner (we'd always gone out) and I made him a gift. Just a little something he'd mentioned he was interested in (a genealogy of his family; genealogy is my favorite hobby so it was really no big deal.) That night as we poured over his chart something changed-he saw in me something more. He asked me for lunch the next day...and that was ten weeks ago. We rarely go a day now without seeing each other-and yes, we are talking long term. Why? The friendship came first. It was an amazing foundation to build on:)
Good luck harvesting your crops!! The right guy should not save you, but be your cheering section as you save yourself:):):) Have standards, winnow out the weeds and cull out the duds. Enjoy the process-but set standards. You are a treasure-don't settle! :)
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Took this picture for the blog, and chuckled at how old the pictures were. I had to reinstall the app to do so...and while there? Deleted the account right after I took the picture. May your days of online dating be few!
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