Brake Lights

It's gonna be awhile.

 It's only going to be 500 calories. Really.

So I broke the fast food rule because I was hungry, I don't want to wait until Prescott and I'm trying to be proactive.

Really.

There is a method to my madness.

I was rather mad when I took this.  Strange.  I don't look as mad as I felt.

That was not a good day, but it wasn't a bad day as the good that did happen outweighed the bad.

Am I confusing you yet?

 Spring in Phoenix.

I had woke up before 6, as I often do.  I did my HIIT training and grabbed my coffee, thinking how awesome it would be to get in a run early.  I left shortly after 7am, thinking nothing of the 25 minute drive to Dreamy Draw.

Except it was 50.

 Not my photo, but accurate.

Rush Hour.  The nemesis of all workers in major cities, and I had fallen as its prey.  So that hit I took off the inhaler when I left?  My guess is it was not effective when I got there.  So the first asthma attack wasn't too much of a surprise.  The second two-tenths of a mile later?

 Not only unexpected, but utterly maddening.

I threw rocks.

Hard.

I might have yelled while doing so.....😳

No one was around.  I sat on the side of the trail (in a bunch of prickers.  Took me two minutes to pluck them all off when I stood up) and banged out a Facebook post on quitting.  According to my own rules, I had to quit after a second asthma attack.

I didn't.

I was a half mile in, and I couldn't bear the thought of turning around.  Instead I figured I'd head back by following the trail.  At the crossroads of 200 I turned left and up instead of right and back to the car.  I was too mad...I so desperately needed a workout.

     It was helpful to angrily throw a hat, too. 😎

As I sat to catch my breath once again, I decided to keep going.  I had the inhaler with me.  I had had terrible night shakes two nights in a row, a sure sign of undealt with physical stress.  I had to exercise, hard.

So I tried running again.

And I had my third asthma attack.

Full blown.

As I cried in frustration, I spun around looking for a place to sit on the rocky terrain.

And saw this:

 

And immediately thought this:

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence shall my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth." (Ps 121:1-2)

My panic dissolved as I turned my cry to the Lord, and my spirit counseled my soul.

"But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired." (Is. 40:31)

Gulping water as I used to do the many years before the inhaler, I felt the tightness loosen and the indrawing cease.  Walking slowly, I sought comfort in prayer, tears pouring unabashedly down my cheeks.  In those moments, surrounded by the mountains I love in the state I adore, with wildflowers blooming and sunshine streaming about me...I had my answer.

Tears of frustration turned from sorrow to joy as I saw clearly for the first time the purpose in this struggle.  As I neared the precipice of the ridge, I felt my lungs stabilize....they always do, around 20-30 minutes in.  It's like they finally decide to open up, and act like everyone else's lungs.  

So I ran.

My best split was 12:38.  But this was my terrain.

 The joy it is to run this is indescribable.

And let's be honest-it was pretty much flat or downhill at this point, too:)

 

So love Arizona.

I got to the car exhausted, and enjoyed the now-rush-hour-free quick drive home.  

The shower I took was among the best of my life.

It had been a terrible run, but I had survived.  As I got ready for the day (and my hair gave me fits) I contemplated the purpose I felt I had discovered.  Lunch with the Buckeye brought up how we had come to Arizona, and it drew me back to thoughts of purpose.  The desire to live here started when I was 15, and took 24 years to accomplish.

I'm moving to the Valley.

The next day in Prescott, I was delighted by the lush outburst of new leaves and blossoms.  Love for my adopted hometown washed over me, but my heart's message was strong:  it was time to head to Phoenix.

 

I have been given the greatest gift of time the past two months.  My life has been incredibly blessed, especially now.  Every heart wish, every "what if I could only" has come to pass.

It is not a coincidence that it coincides with better choices, and a desire to first seek God.

 

Look!  A tiara.....:)

This is my "life verse"-not my favorite but the one I know I always must go back to.  I think of it often, along with a sermon I heard in Florida.  At one time my life was devoted to seeking Him; my sister's suicide, compounded by the loss of several Christian friends and a complete mistrust of what a "Christian marriage" is had lead me to maintain my relationship with God, and distrust nearly all His followers down here.

I'm kinda getting over it.  Slowly.

God and I never had an issue with one another.  My fellow Christians?  I've struggled.  In my struggles, I did less.

Brake lights.

Whether I had hit the brakes due to those around me, or a halt because of my struggles, it matters not.  In the end, I kept my faith simply because I did not quit.

The run wasn't fun.  But to have discovered a purpose?

Worth it all.