While I only caught Manchild looking at his, all three girls also have a phone in their hands.I'm addicted, too. I first noted it many, many years ago, when I worked online remotely for 12 years. I was in a LOST forum, and the desire to read community responses pulled at me. I recalled earlier Survivor forums with the same pull - and promptly left the boards. I had a business to build, and they were distracting.
Then came Facebook.
My current window I offer to the world.Let's check out that window, shall we?
First, it's Easter week. My cover is a nod to that, as I am a Christian and quite honestly, the only Man who has ever rescued me was Him. Through all the trials with people, I have never questioned Christ's sacrifice for me and God's love and plan for my life. I do question how to present that to the world, and wish for change in the church...yet I don't know where in the church I belong.
Second, I so love to have fun. My profile is me eating an ice cream sundae in the all pink SugarBowl in Scottsdale. I'm wearing a pretty dress (my preferred outfit!) and I've just come from a fundraiser for the arts. Very, very me.
Third, I'm an entrepreneur. Currently a bit lost of an entrepreneur, but one nonetheless. The quote, my two businesses...I want to help people by helping them make money.
The addiction?
See that red notification of "2" at the bottom?
Bingo.
It's like texting someone and seeing their name pop up on the screen--it's the "what if" they responded in the affirmative to your request/attention? That thrill of possibly winning...it's very addicting. For me? It's all about approval. Acknowledging anything...I crave it.
It's also my biggest tripping point.
Two years ago I invented a time machine. In it, I identified how to go back in time and identify what consistently trips you up in life. Mine was desperately seeking approval. It was rooted in being tall and gangly as a child, coupled with my ENTJ/sanguine nature.
Me. Three. The best age, of course:)
Me, age 35. Enjoying a pirate museum somewhere in the Caribbean.
In my career with lia sophia, I tried desperately to be humble, and not seek approval. The fact they paraded the successful? I didn't like it-as I knew it bred contempt from others. Eventually, jealousies grew as my income increased and rumormongers caused problems...when none of the rumors were true. Staying silent and not addressing them only added fuel, and the hurts compounded. Thus the "like" on a feed soothed the soul a bit...my subordinates may have not liked me, but my fifth grade friend on Facebook did!
The company closed in December 2014, and I suffered a severe head injury that same week. I took on a $13/hr job, and stopped wearing my Tag Heuer watch. My marriage crumbled, and I moved to another job, albeit within my degree field. As my successes there piled up, I found myself unceremoniously dumped when I became unwitting competition for the director. I found another job, and set forth to excel...but was quickly bored. In government, you move at the pace of the slowest.
So I decided to open a company...and franchise it.
Oh, I do love Ride. I truly do.
Recently, I made the decision to make the Phoenix region my new home. Our marital home in Prescott had not yet sold, and I still contribute to the mortgage as I lived there up until six weeks ago. It was then my ex and I switched living spaces, me taking over his Mesa apartment he shared with our 21 year old junior in college daughter, aka The Commander. Now where I live in May is before me, the ex's lease is up and with the house not sold I'm certainly NOT moving back in with him. Add in I'm daily working on Ride and lately it's been a challenge--this is not work for the weak, and I'm doing it myself.
No wonder I seek approval from random strangers.
My addiction? Approval.
Not over eating, not alcohol. No drugs for me, no binge exercise. Just simply approval.
And that can be dangerous when dating, as you can fall easily for a man who wants just your company for an evening, and not for life.
Sooooooo many times I'd like to send this:)I've had the rebound and I've fallen in love since my divorce. I've had my heart broken, and now wiser I realize so much of 2016 was a desperate search for approval. I missed obvious signs because of it, and so I've taken a step back in 2017.
Slowing down.
Being patient.
Enjoying right now.
Because the approval I seek? It's a tripping point.
Where as notices like this? Ride was birthed from it.The need for instant approval can trick you-make you think there's something there that is not. Likewise, online approval (while nice) needs to be seen as any other form of self-medication: something that needs moderation and control. This blog doesn't really bring that; 3-5 likes for 250+ reads definitely is proof I write it as a way to be accountable to myself for my fitness health (both body & soul!) While I admit Facebook needs to be shut off more than not, this blog has brought consistency to my exercise regime, and consistency to my writing.
So...the hat??? Is it seeking approval?Last fall, I fell for an army colonel who accidentally left a hat with me after a date, and then ghosted immediately thereafter. It broke my heart; the hat just rebroke it when I'd come across it. Ever one to make lemons out of lemonade, I decided to take it on an adventure, and brush up on Instagram in the process (as a social media trainer, I also knew the business portion was new and the algorithms had changed.) I heavily debated The Colonel's Hat Instagram page as being good or bad for me...but as the smiles come in and it resonates with many, I find tremendous healing has occurred. I also have to admit it gave me wonderful new perspective on that relationship-that the six weeks of nonstop calls and hours on the phone before our first meeting hid consequential signs he was likely seeing more girls than just me, and that my falling in love was the reason he left without a goodbye. Rushing into that relationship blinded my senses...all because I was desperate for approval. In writing the captions for the photographs I finally could see what drove him away...and I came to better understand me in the process. Months into it now, with over 200 followers, I'm keeping it up not for approval--but as a platform for laughter and social media skills.
Is this self denial? I just justified the blog and the Instagram accounts:) What I can't deny?
Time and Focus.
That has to change.
It's hard being a historian sometimes.
Right now, in this moment, I am facing a "what if" like no other: Can I set out on an adventure designed to reset my tripping point?
Just yesterday, I told a friend the only regret we usually have is when we don't do something.
I will never, ever regret taking these two to Disney:)So do I go?
I'm leaning towards yes.
Because the only "what if" I can change is the one in front of me right now....
I've often said it, but I've yet to do it.
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