Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Distance

When one is apart, it’s harder to regroup.

Because you really aren’t together, and regrouping means rejoining.


We regrouped while golfing not too long ago...

My diet is long, long gone.  Like the distance between me and it is so far, I only think of it when I forget to eat.


And as a result, I’m getting chunky again.

Which really isn’t fair.  While I admit there were a few weeks when I indulged in chips and donettes and the like, the last two weeks I haven’t.


Dinner last night.  I ate everything except all the carrots, a few pieces of celery and 4 pieces of turkey slim Jim’s....and yes, I’m well aware of the high calorie count of that ranch!!

So the house has been idle for three weeks (after five showings in six days that resulted in nothing) and I’ve opened my new business.


Damn, I look old.  And tired.

Ride is finally, finally, finally operating in Prescott.  With all the fun that comes with it.


New drivers.


Fabulous service.


And rear axels that need replacing.  Already.

Being here means I’m not in Phoenix as much...and it’s just hard.


My misery in miscalling my emotional needs was later compounded by more misunderstandings...so diet? Who cares!

But through the past month, there’s been a change for the better...and as always, it was my Buckeye leading the way.  Four weeks ago I about broke down; the stress of the opening, being apart from my fiancé, the unsold house finally just too much.


I also had become a Browns fan...the ultimate tipping point?! 😂🧡🏈

It was a day I could barely put one foot in front of another, so out of control everything felt.  I wasn’t going to Phoenix for the first time in a year; the Buckeye was instead coming to Prescott.  Little had I realized how much I used Phoenix as an escape; the drive alone had been a source of quiet time and resetting.  Now it was gone, and my time with my fiancé would be limited to 24hrs.  I felt trapped in my beloved hometown, and sheer panic was threatening to overtake me.  I wanted to see my man, be reassured.


Instead I took photos at a bike race....

And realized I was looking to the Buckeye as my source of happiness.  Yes, I was under incredible stress.  The repairs from April were due to be paid-a staggering amount-plus the daily expenses of living with a mortgage that was too big and remodeling bills that needed to be gone with a sale.

Interestingly, that’s my situation today, too.  And yet...

On that beautiful afternoon as I drive home and prayed, begging God for peace, I drove by the Williamson Valley trailhead, and I knew.



I needed to hike.

People say God doesn’t speak today.  I disagree.  The Bible says He’s the same yesterday, today and forever.  If He says it in the Bible, then He’s saying it today...and He’ll say it tomorrow.  Furthermore, the Bible also says we have the mind of Christ, and do hold the thoughts and feelings of Him.

In the instant I needed comfort, I saw the trailhead sign and remembered my Fitness Quest.  To get rid of stress, I needed to hike.

Only I can change my life.  Only I can determine my happiness.  Only I can work to make things happen (with Ride, at least.  This house?!? This beautiful property I am blessed to live in??  I’m trying to simply stand.) So I gathered my children, and we walked the trail until last light.  The next day?



I took the Buckeye here. (He’s kinda hidden in the SHAFT OF LIGHT FROM HEAVEN😇😍)

And so I resumed exercise...after a time of great distance.  It had been months since I hiked.


Joined by my sweet Lucy!!!

The short three mile hike wasn’t challenging-and I realized my lungs had returned to their high altitude norm....and I was blessed.


The next day we hiked again, to the Janet Ruins near my house.  The Buckeye loved our hikes in Prescott, and returned the following week for more.


I’m so crazy in love with this man😍❤️

And with just two weekends of hiking under my belt, I felt a change.

For the better.


I trained 30 drivers last week...!

None of my circumstances have changed:

I’m still not in control of my weight.

I still have an unsold house I desperately need sold.

I still have Ride repair bills.

I still have remodeling bills.

I don’t have a wedding date.

I miss my fiancé far more than I ever imagined.

But hiking?  It’s drained the built up stress.  I don’t feel crazy, I don’t feel out of control.  I control my own happiness.

This past week I worked well past 70hrs, and headed to Phoenix on Sunday to bring the Commander up to Prescott after moving her out of her apartment.  But before we left the Valley, I insisted on a hike.



The summit of Piestewa Peak.

It had been over a year since I hiked my pride:) In all honesty, I didn’t know if it would be possible.  Summer asthma had scared the crap out of me at Dreamy Draw just a few days earlier, when I again attempted a hike in 100° heat.  Again, I didn’t sweat, and again, started to suffer from heat exhaustion.  I began to wonder how badly I was out of shape, but knew the Prescott hikes had given me no trouble.  I needed a test, and an unseasonably cool 80° Phoenix morning gave me the opportunity.



I LOVE being a Browns fan, btw!!  Baker Mayfield will save them!!! 🏈🧡🏈

We went slow, but not granny slow.  We hit the summit at 70 minutes, an outstandingly good time for me.  Not once did I use my inhaler for an attack; I did fine.  The scary summer asthma hike was just that:  I can’t do temperatures over 100°.  But hike a double diamond with no real strain?  Yep-I can do that.

One year ago, I climbed Piestewa regularly until the heat stopped me.  It was on its peak I wanted to get married; I realize now it’s because up there I feel the best.  I feel accomplished.  I can tackle anything.  I can succeed at anything.  So of course, I want to approach marriage with that hiker’s high.



I love my engagement ring:):):). Just wait until you see the custom wedding ring!!

Distance.  When I hike, the more miles I climb or put under me, the better I feel.  Like my neurologist told me three years ago, it has to be a regular part of my life.  I don’t believe it was a coincidence that when I thought I’d break, the idea to hike popped up.  I believe that’s God.  I also know when in nature, that’s when I draw closest to Him-and I need Him more than ever.  

Right now, I sit in a beautiful master suite.  It’s so pretty it could be a luxury spa...and every month, without fail, somehow I’ve paid every bill.  God has provided my needs without fail.  While I long for the next phase, I have to admit the convenience of living here while starting Ride.  I also know Ride will quickly be self-sustaining, and my physical daily presence will not be as needed.  As I hope beyond hope for that magical date to be finalized (a wedding date.  Goodness!  Who knew that would still be up in the air so many months after engagement?) I am reminded the distance between this day and that has been shortened just by the passing of today.  The Buckeye and I are running the gauntlet of distance by overcoming new hurdles weekly...and finding our relationship stronger through every obstacle.  We now know beyond a doubt we are better together than apart-and there is great comfort in that.



Cannot wait until the day (which I know not when it is) I can call this man my husband.  I doubt there has ever been a prouder wife than I will be:)

Distance-from God, from loved ones, from financial security, from health, from peace.  I struggle with all of them right now.  Each day I do my best to impact what I can.  Hiking MUST be something I do.

Always.

For my body sheds the stress, the unwanted weight and instead gains strength.  My mind releases my troubles in prayer, and I commune with God on the trail.  I do my best thinking trailside, and my business becomes more focused.  When I am able to be joined by family, it’s like a trifecta of good.


I own four golf carts, and soon the fleet will be together in the north.

I hold the keys to my life.  While I wait to relinquish one (the house) I am mindful only I can use the others I hold.  

I intend to make the best of them.



I intend to hike.













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