Looking for Opportunities

I should have wrote this last week.

 

Thursday, on the Chino Peavine.

Last week, I was working on embracing slowing down.  Imagine my utter surprise when I discovered not only more time to hike, but actually seeking opportunities to exercise.

 

This was my second hike; the first occurred during a meeting, when I asked my boss if we could walk and talk and just not talk.

In slowing down, I was readily able to ID opportunities to slow down, take an extra walk, and destress.  I found myself craving exercise-my exercise, hiking-for the first time in months.  

Dust on the Prada's.  Yes, I'm well aware the devil wears them. 

So while Thursday was an amazing day of discovery, finding that slowing down gave me opportunities, a weekend later I am discouraged.

I should be thrilled.

 

Afterall, the Buckeyes lost.

 

And I discovered a great new IPA.

But then Monday, when I was excited and wanting to write, after thinking about it all weekend, a blip occurred.

Instead of driving with a group to a seminar on managing a emotions under stress, I was left behind.  I ended up driving there by myself.

Suddenly, all the good of the weekend, all the wins, the  fresh memories I smiled at, were turned upside down.

 

The sunrise had reflected my joy-I was focused on all the good that had happened.

Not only did Thursday rock, but the weekend was amazing.  New friends were made, fun experiences were had, and relationships repaired.  While frustrated with a few things, I sought opportunities to slow down, not react, and be better.

Be better.

 

So I saw the board break without the eggs breaking...hmmm.  Could I someday do that?  I admit I was inspired, despite the fact I was watching masters.

So why, despite the inspiration, the fun, the joy, the betterment, did I regress?

Rejection.

It's my kill switch.

I let a perceived slight slowly overtake my thinking, until the entire morning became rejection riddled.  No longer did I want to write about opportunities to exercise.  No longer was I thinking about new goals or slowing down.  I had instantly reacted to rejection as I always had...

By being hurt. Disappointed.  Feeling alone.  Angry. Fearful.

And then I let it build,

Just like I always had.

 

Slow down.

I've chewed on this for awhile.  Slowing down is not my personality.  But it's bringing clarity.

While it might be awhile before I can handle rejection with aplomb, I can slow down when it happens.  Not project it onto other things.

I've been rejected by exercise all my life-it started with school yard pick'ems and extended to being terrible at sports due to the lack of eye/hand coordination.  

It's no wonder I love to hike/bike/swim, they don't require coordination.

So I've rejected it in return.  Associated it with pain instead of pleasure....as my entire life the gym and sport had rejected me.

Can I change that response?

 If I was Capt America's female counterpart I know I could!!!

They say recognizing the issue is the first step in solving it.  We shall see.