The Differences

Last week, I truly became depressed.  The hand, the heart...it was so much that it blinded all the good.

Like orange clouds at sunset.

Making my "sweet things" list on Sunday literally pulled me out of the pit I had fallen into; every time I reread the list, it shoveled dirt into the pit.

I have no plans of ever returning to it.

That being said, I'm still unhappy.  My circumstances have not changed, my heart is still hurt.  I woke up with a hurting hand and nausea this morning, I worry that somehow in the night I rebroke my hand.

I was rocking some Princess Leia style buns in the back:)

Oh, I'm trying. I will conqueror this.  I'm analyzing the data and working on my next move.

I need to find where I belong.

Haven't had a tribe in awhile.

Apparently, a dear friend faced some similar tough situations.

Kirk.  He died Sunday night.

We met in middle school.

Sigh.  I'm the circled one.

A mutual love of Star Trek cemented our friendship; we'd quote Star Trek III to each other.

I hear this in a Scottish brogue...

...what have I done??

My favorite line (not that it applied to me!)

Kirk was a fan of my Fitness Quest, and he shared with me that it got him hiking after a prolonged illness last year.  We had said we should hike together when I was in Michigan...and now he's gone.

Dead.  Days before his birthday.

I wept for hours at the news-more for his family and close friends than for myself-as they asked the questions I had asked seven years ago when my sister Jenny died.

For me:

Depression felt hopeless.

   Unhappiness is temporary.

Depression consumed my thoughts to be only about myself.

   Unhappiness remembers others.

Depression is lonely.

   Unhappiness just confuses me-there are so many options!

Thank God 198,888 came up...

Unhappiness I can figure out...really I can.  I might need to get in some surfing to turn it around.

Fifteen years ago tonight, I gave birth to my son.

Happy birthday, Lad!

He's 6'3".  Quite a difference between 22" long!!

Differences.

What kind of difference can I make?  How can I rip the "un" off of happiness?  I endeavor to find out.  I just wish, when I do, I could have shared it with Kirk.  

Rest in peace, Kirk.

The Voyage Home

That was THEE BEST Star Trek movie, btw.

Humor, time travel & saving whales.  What could be better?

In Michigan, I did a little time traveling of my own.

Alma mater, wise and glorious, shrine of light and home of truth.

The tastes of the past.

Plums.  My beloved Skow's Berry Farm plums.

Roads that used to often be taken.

And flowers we still collect and give.

Rob's Humpty Do violet, my gift to Tiff two years ago.

You can go home again, and it was nice to spend time among loved ones and friends.

But first, let me take a selfie.

No exercise other than leisurely strolls.

No demands on my time.

I'm exhausted by it all.

Bowie is happy to be exhausted with me.

Cast is off Tuesday; meeting with our realtor this week.  Changes for the better.

Now if only I didn't have to start exercising again...

...double chin.  Guess I don't have a choice.

Oh, joy.

Clicking Bones

When I try to engage limited use of my right hand, like to use my index finger to help my left hand just a little...click.

Click.  Pop.  Click.

Dammit, Jim!  Those are dislocated bones!

See, I'm really not in pain, so the desire to have some normal usage is quite high.  It's like I'm in a splint for nothing.

Just some of the crazy bruising.

Fitness Quest.  My primary worry (I cannot, I repeat cannot lose these abs!) as I cancel my gym for next week.  Hiking alone does not work-I need the targeted exercises.  I start formulating ideas, and decide to take this week off until I know what the prognosis is for my hand.  I'll hike all week (Canyon next Sunday-not giving that up!) and figure out my schedule the next five (I have some cool ideas.)

Heading here!

So today, I worked a little (good as a distraction) and start learning what I cannot do.

1.  Dry self off after shower.

This may be an issue if the King isn't around.

2.  Put on a necklace or post earrings.

Good thing I'm no longer a jewelry lady, eh?

3.  Blow dry hair while styling, or braid or put hair in ponytail.

 Bye-bye Viking braids for now.

4.  TALK ON PHONE WHILE DRIVING.

This is a severe negative!!

5.  Do my nails

Dude-don't laugh.

6.  Put on yoga pants.  

There's a lot of pulling involved.

7.  Keep a straight face when retelling how I broke my hand.

Chris will attest to this.

8.  Shoot a gun.

They *say* I can go left, but I'm not holding out much hope that I can hit a target shooting left with no support hand?  Come on.

I want to make clear I am not complaining. It's just different-and I like to note differences. So the Fitness Quest will reflect this-I'm excited to see what it brings.

By the way, I'm desperate for junk good right now.  Aching for it.

Yum-O.

I've managed to stay on track only because broken bones make you sleepy...but I want this all the time!!!

Abs.  I love my abs.  Repeat!!

Pray for me!

An Officer & A Broken Hand?!

Becky and I love to dance, our men do not.  Mic and the King know we need to get it out of our system, so neither mind us occasionally heading to Matt's for a twirl around the dance floor.

We keep tabs on each other, and scare off any cowboy who doesn't respect our rings.

So last night was a blast, and I was delighted to find fitness helped my dancing!  I had an exceptionally good partner who knew how to lead, and am now more determined than ever to drag the King into a dance class.  Who knew being fit would help with two left feet?

Earlier in the night, my natural clumsiness claimed an embarrassing win when I went to sit down and missed the stool at the restaurant.  I caught myself with my right hand; it did hurt but nothing unmanageable.  In the car heading home I thought it looked a wee swollen, but not too bad.  Becky was more concerned than I, and was distracted by the conversation.  So when those pesky red and blue lights came on behind us...

Two weeks in a row I've been pulled over.  Neither time was I driving!

Officer Schiska of Prescott PD let us know we were doing 44mph in a 30.  Oops.  Becky sweetly explained her distraction as she handed him the paperwork.  As she was obviously sober, he gave her a warning and went to run her license.

He took a really long time to return.

It seems he dropped her drivers license in a storm drain?!?!  And could not get it out!?!

He sheepishly shared what happened, and we could not contain our giggles.

I promised to blog about it; he accepted that consequence.  We were sent off with a warning, and a delightful memory of a squirming officer.

This morning I woke at 5:30am to a very swollen right hand.  I could hear a clicking noise in it when I moved my middle finger, too.

The King took this picture.

About twice it's normal size.

After two hours at urgent care, the results were in:

Broken and displaced.

Interestingly, my first thought was to laugh.

My second was the Fitness Quest.

 At least I can hike, right?

I texted the King with the news, and texted Dr. Eric, who happens to specialize in hand surgery.  Hopefully in six weeks it will be good as new.  Oh, and that clicking sound? Bone on bone.

So, hiking, running, swimming...?

I get in the truck to find a dozen red roses waiting for me, and an invitation to lunch with the King.

The King's response.

So, no workout today.  Maybe a hike tomorrow.  Definitely need to reschedule my gym for next week...really, the next six.  I am determine NOT to lose my newly found muscles-what a quest this will be.  (I'm right handed and it's the right hand. Typing is pretty slow!)

I look at it this way:  the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy.  I must be on a good path he wants to destroy, so to me, injuries like this prove I'm doing something right the enemy wants to stop.  James 1:2-5 says to count it all joy:). So I'm laughing about my clumsiness.  This Quest just got more interesting.

Want It to be Easy?

I woke up at 2:47am.

That means I had to make pancakes.

It's getting a little tiresome, waking up and being unable to fall back to sleep.

Maybe I need to push it harder?

Oh, I'm thoroughly stuck on the idea that perhaps the only way for exercise to ever become easy is to hit it hard.  Rather than reluctance, maybe I need enthusiasm?

Enthusiasm has made Pilates a joy, I'll admit.

Today, Pilates was first, and then a big hike on Little Granite.

But first, let me take a selfie.

Flat abs.  Brought to you by Pilates.

I was pretty stoked putting on my exercise clothes today; my tightened abs made everything look smaller and sleeker.  Since change had been small, it was great to see progress.

I had lunch with Dr. Keith, who is a physical therapist, and part of my networking group.  When I complained about my sore trapezius, he diagnosised lack of use AND too much iPhone use.

Shut up, Wesley!

Dr. Keith was right, btw.

Pilates was heavy on the legs, and I found session five to be a challenge.

Though she did let me relax at the end.

I finished up there, and headed straight for my hike with Dotty and the dogs.

Jake, Dotty & Sarge.

Little Granite is a misnomer; it's a 6 mile hike that took us four full hours to complete, with multiple elevation changed right up to 7000ft.

Looking south towards Kirkland.

I realize you may think it's all fun, since I post these pictures (I was trying to show off my biceps, obviously) but the truth is closer to this:

My regular trail resting position.

We were 7/8ths to the top, had been hiking uphill three hours, I had done an hour of Pilates and had three hours of sleep.  Plain and simple, I was tired.

But it felt so good.

Downhill at last!

I pressed through the tiredness, the soreness and focused only on the joy that I knew would accompany the hike's views and completion.

Trail's End.  Another fantastic hike!

It seems pushing hard may just be the fastest way to easy afterall.

 

A Bling Day #47

At 8:23am,  I hadn't left the house, and I wasn't in exercise clothes.

9:55am

When I did leave, I was in full jewelry lady bling.  

It's been awhile since I blinged this much, and the jeans I was wearing are among my smallest.  

It felt good to be blinged.

Ahhhh...a bit of nostalgia for my former career as a senior leader for a jewelry company.  What do I miss?

Dressing up & friends.

That's it!  Nothing else.  So now that I'm through, what do I want to do?

I met a doctor of anthropology for lunch, who encouraged me to take time now to really figure out what I want, and do everything to make it happen.

For some reason, I don't believe being Captain of the Enterprise is a realistic goal.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Superhero is also unavailable.  

I'm married, so princess is out of the question.

That and Prince Andrew did NOT age well.

Do I want to be a curator?

Do I want to help small businesses?

Do I want to franchise a business?

Do I want to become a Hiking Viking?

Do I want to write?  (Yes)

   What do I want to write? (No clue)

That does put a damper on our relationship.

Do I want to be the conservative voice for #girlpower?

Do I want to go into politics?

Do I want to make millions? (Yes)

   How? (No clue...well, not true.    Whatever I pursue will result in this somehow.)

Do I want to go into radio? (Yes)

   As what? (Fitness Quest or Rush?)

Do I want to fly in an F-14? (Yes, but the navy recruiter laughed.)

Maverick laughed, too.

I'm supposed to find my passion...

Exercise gear had a suggestion.

It's NOT exercise, I can tell you that.

The rest of the afternoon I spent in MSP training for BNI.

Bryce, I miss you as president!!!

I came home no closer to discovering my purpose in life than when I left this morning; not that it means anything.

I need to figure this out, and soon.  This capitalist doesn't do well without a mission.

Too bad moon base Alpha wasn't real.

13 years ago tonight, I went to bed pregnant, a full 39 weeks along.  Tomorrow, I can honestly say I no longer have children in the house:  I'll be the mother to THREE teenagers.  Loving it!