Love Changes Things

Yesterday I told the Buckeye I’d been getting a few texts from someone about the Hotshots.  I’m the curator for the fire department, and the movie about our Granite Mountain Hotshots came out this past week, to stellar reviews.

Certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes!

Initially, I thought it was my friend Crystal.  I mistook the area code for North Carolina, and thought she had already switched her cell; she’s moving there shortly.  A day later, they reference hiking to the Alligator Juniper; that didn’t seem like Crystal, who’s packing for a move.  I love a challenge, however, so I didn’t mind texting a mystery person, trying to figure out who it was without asking.  I mentioned it to the Buckeye as I took him to the airport; he immediately assumed it was someone I used to date.  I replied it had to be someone from the Project (Tribute Fence Preservation Project) and he requested I ask; so I did.

I dropped off the Buckeye and headed north to Prescott.  I hadn’t considered it being someone I had dated, usually those who popped back up readily identified themselves in hopes of another date!  Surely it was someone I knew from the Project, they knew too much about it. Curious, I googled the number; this time I saw the area code was actually Georgia, not North Carolina.  

I might have had a brief moment of panic right then.

A year ago right now, I spent several hours every evening enchanted by a man in Virginia with a Georgia area code.  We met, I fell; he did not.  He ghosted me without a trace until last spring, apologizing.  In many ways, it was his reappearance that gave me the courage to ask the Buckeye just where our relationship was going-up until then we’d only been casually dating while becoming friends in the process.  The man left again, and popped up six weeks or so later.  This time when we connected, I ghosted him.  I was quite enamored with my Buckeye, and saw no need to engage with this man from my past.

Except there was this little issue about his hat.

I kinda gave it a Instagram page....known as 

The Colonel’s Hat

The Buckeye has always known about the hat; during our first four months of casually dating we chatted about everything.  So I told him of the man who had simply disappeared but had left his hat...and how I decided to take it on an adventure instead of throwing it away.  It was an exercise in social media (it’s funny how many people follow the page) and the power of hashtags; it was also an excellent way to get over the gut-wrenching rejection of being ghosted.

Rejection:  just a year ago I wrote about my Achilles heel.  I’m an outlier, I get it, but after a lifetime of rejection I’ve still found it no easier.  I knew better than to indulge in a crush with a man I barely knew, but I did.  Being ghosted never crossed my mind; if the feeling wasn’t mutual he’d certainly be an adult about it, right?

He wasn’t, so neither was I.

The hat sat around as a reminder of our last date for sometime before I struck on the idea of making lemonade out of that lemon.  My first few posts I’m finding my footing; I admit, I was pretty hurt.  As 

I found more and more ridiculous situations to put the hat in, things changed; I was able to forgive the owner and realize my own missteps in the relationship.  By the time he came back the first time, I was well over him; the second time, I even wondered if we could be friends.  My relationship with the Buckeye by then being paramount in my life, I dismissed the idea.  I decided to simply cut him off, as he had me.

I didn’t tell the Buckeye about that second connection at the time it happened; we were so newly in love I feared he’d take it wrong...which he did, a month or so later, when the Instagram account came up in conversation and he point-blank asked me when the last time I had heard from him.

I wasn’t going to lie; he wasn’t going to lie about his displeasure, either.  It was our first big fight as a couple, and I wondered if it might be our undoing.  

It wasn’t:)

I had actually lost the hat in May, that same month I fell in love with the Buckeye.  I still posted occasionally on it’s Instagram page, and admitted freely to finding a replacement for the erstwhile hat’s owner.  A few weeks ago, I found it again; I tossed it to the Buckeye to do with it what he pleased.

The Buckeye and The Colonel’s Hat

That weekend was to be the last weekend for the Instagram page; however, you can’t delete an account via mobile.  So we planned to do it the next weekend. And forgot.  Driving up the hill to Prescott yesterday I heard my phone ping.  It was the answer to my question asking who had sent the text. “Ahhh that may explain why you answered.”

My heart sank.

Rereading the prior texts, I picked up the telltale reference to being stubborn; the casual, uncorrected spelling errors.  I knew who it was, but sent back a simple ? instead.  The Buckeye was flying for the next five hours;  I screenshot the texts and sent it to him.  Then I proceeded to worry.  

When the Colonel confirmed his identity a few hours later, and remarked about his missing Metallica hat, I sent a snarky reply that he shouldn’t have left it.  The Princess asked me why I was continuing the conversation, when I loved the Buckeye as I did.  I struggled for a few minutes, trying to compose the message I had written to the half-dozen or so guys who had looked me up again since I’d become exclusive with the Buckeye.  She sat opposite me, telling me I owed him nothing.  I sat there in near hysterics, worried only about one thing:  the Buckeye’s impending reaction to all this.  He’d want to know why I wrote whatever I wrote, why I reacted, what I had done to trigger his contact.  Pausing, I decided to listen to my fifteen year old daughter, who told me to simply not answer.  That the Buckeye loves me, and if all I’d been telling her was true, he’d not be upset.  I texted my BFF Flyboy, who agreed with her assessment.  I settled in to paint trim....and couldn’t help but worry some more:  I was so scared of losing the best thing that had ever happened to me.

Early this year we met, and on our second date he threw down his gauntlet: 

1) Special Olympics was his call.  He’d not cut back on volunteering, and he gave a lot of his time.  

Last Monday night, in our matching Special Olympics shirts:)

2) No Pressure.  He wasn’t going to be pushed into something he wasn’t ready for.

3) He’d decided to be a bachelor a year before, and wasn’t certain he wanted to re-enter the dating world after thoroughly enjoying the single life.

While I knew he’d reversed his decision on #3 😍, and I joyfully had joined him in #1 (I soooooooo Love Special Olympics!  Golf has been wonderful, and I truly enjoy my friendship with my golf partner, Dove.  Both of our games improve weekly; cannot wait until the state golf championship this weekend!!)  I still respected #2.  I’ve become very comfortable enjoying the here and now, and have purposed not to pressure him about our future.

Except that’s all I could think about.  

I longed for a day I didn’t have to worry about losing him; when I knew he was as committed to me as I was to him.  I wanted that reassurance; something more than just simple trust.  His first question when he landed?  Who was the mystery texter.  Let’s just say he called the second he got into his hotel room:)

Flyboy was right; I didn’t need to worry.  My man was far more secure in our relationship, and we were fine.  He admired the Princess defending our relationship, and agreed my actions were prudent.  Pretty sure that’s when I broke down crying, unable to hide my fear of his possible rejection.  His loving reassurance I cherished; I was amazed how easy it was to let go of my fears.

My former English professor, Robert Ploegstra, wrote a short treatise on Love, that popped up in my “on this day” yesterday:

“More about love.   The Greeks had three words for love:   eros - romantic or sexual love      philia -  friendship love      agape - choosing to be good or kind to people regardless how you feel about them.    Most marriages start out with philia and eros.   The couple is attracted to each other, and they also want a good and lasting friendship.  I often hear people say, "My husband/wife is my best friend."  And that is great.  But in a truly good marriage, the partners decide to be good and kind to their partner even when they do not deserve it.  They understand that everyone has bad days and have compassion their partner.   They refrain from making critical remarks.  They compliment when they see good things (which also reinforces the good behavior).  Good marriages contain all three kinds of love: eros, philia, and agape.  And the best marriage partners consistently practice agape.....”

The Buckeye and I started out with philia, friendship.  Four months later, we moved into eros, romantic love. Two weeks ago, we had a serious argument, which we worked though in a very agape manner...and it changed things.  Sitting on the porch last night, talking to my man in Nashville, I heard compassion instead of jealousy.  Patience instead of frustration.  Understanding instead of suspicion.  Trust.  Agape love.

This trifecta being present has changed things, again.  I had drinks last night with my friend Russ, and remarked on the change...he high-fived me after I shared.  “Kate, we all hope for exactly what you described,” he said, reminding me that my fear of rejection was what had triggered my tears and worries, rather than what actually transpired.  My fears had me assuming the worst when in truth, the best had happened instead.  Our bond deepened, and grew stronger.  The Buckeye proved again, beyond a shadow of a doubt, who loved me and cherished me.  I actually considered (for two long seconds) getting a tattoo to surprise him (not my thing, I don’t have any.  The Buckeye has 14) when Russ suggested we go get tattoos after drinks; it surprised me how quickly an idea for one popped into my head.  A quick yelp search revealing all area tattoo shops to be closed shut down any further thoughts of actually doing it; driving home I thought further on it.  Was my willingness to even consider it be me further demonstrating my commitment to him?  Knowing the design I had in mind was a pure reference to our falling in love, I had to concede I was wanting to lavishly prove my love.   Not over fear of rejection, but rather quite the opposite:  I’ve met my match.

Today he’s texting me pictures from his tourist visits, and I’m enjoying every picture as if I was there.  

I mention my love of Minnie Pearl, he sends me this:)

We’re joking as if I was beside him, not thousands of miles apart.  It’s fun, it’s easy, it’s us.  No wonder I don’t ever want to lose him; yesterday simply pushed that to the forefront.  All I could think of was his reaction to the time before, forgetting the circumstances and forgetting our newness at the time.  The comparison of the two events shows the evolution of our relationship, and how (once again) I need to slow down.  I jumped to conclusions based on the past, instead of the here and now.  Fit together puzzle pieces don’t just fall apart, especially when interlocked on more than one side.  Together our lives are completing a picture...and I’m admiring how beautifully it’s coming together.  Love, quite simply, has changed everything.

Wisdom and the Diet

Last week, I was furious with the scale.  Despite a week of home remodeling, sticking to my calorie count and generally being miserable, I had gained weight.

Monday at lunch.  I was sooooo mad.

Here's where accountability comes in:  the Buckeye was seeing progress, and was noticeably trimmer.  He was consistently losing, and encouraged me not to give up.

On Monday, I decided to do things differently.

So I had lunch of tuna and carrots and I sweet tea.  Mid afternoon, I had the BEST FRIED EGG EVER (I admit to licking the plate!) with olives and tea.  After golf, I stopped at WalMart and got a Chobani yogurt drink and a container of mixed veggies-snap peas, carrots and cherry tomatoes.  Not only was I not hungry, I felt good about it.

My sister, who recently shed extra weight, began exercising and now looks like she did in high school, reminded me I was likely too carb heavy, and sent me her copy of The Insulin-Resistance Diet.

I read it very fast.

She was right; looking at my Lose It! app, I could clearly see I had been indulging in carbs while staying under calories.  In addition, I was waiting to eat.  So I decided to mix it up.  I went shopping, and grabbed some veggies I love (I do adore veggies), the Chobani yogurt drink, more unsweetened tea.  I grabbed ingredients for taco rice & cheese, too (having been introduced to this Okinawa knockoff by the Buckeye, and we had indulged in it Sunday night.)

All week I had eggs for breakfast, and found I often skipped lunch, or just ate light, BECAUSE I HAD HEALTHY FOOD IN THE HOUSE.  I even had eggs on my fasting Wednesday, and easily skipped lunch.  That night I made the taco rice and cheese, adjusted my portion to be only a wee over calories, and enjoyed it thoroughly.

Taco rice & cheese:  make normal taco meat (McCormick's low sodium seasoning and a pound of ground chuck), add equal portion of rice and toss mozzarella on top.  One serving is about 700 calories (the Buckeye said he figured it to be 560 calories) so I simply ate a half portion.

So my two fasting days weren't 500 calories.  One was 559, and the other 669.  They were both more protein heavy (yes I still ate carbs!) but I felt better with the few extra calories.  Both days I also exercised-golf and a bike ride on Monday, on Wednesday a jamming day of home repair.  So my net calories?  Under 500 easily.

The rest of the week I simply tried to eat better.  Yes, I still had chips and Doritos.  Unlike last week, I didn't eat half a bag in one sitting!!  The difference was remembering to chose better sources for those calories, instead of indulging on the comfort foods while staying under calorie count.

The result?

I weigh 170.8 this morning.

I was taking a picture of the finished bathroom, and the dress has pockets😂

My Lose It! app rewarded my achievement of ten pounds being gone with a sprinkle of confetti across my phone screen and insisting I hit the "I Rock!" button:). The Buckeye is .2's of a pound from 10 lbs and anxious to see that goal...we are both ecstatic that our clothes are fitting better and we are wearing clothing we haven't in a while.

Not that ANY OF MY JEANS FIT YET...but this week I indulged in my running capris (which looked fine.  I was happy to at least have those to wear!)

This week, I finished the house remodel that has taken two and a half months, despite hiring out the majority of it.  

Before and After.  It looks so good.

I thought the remodel would go quickly; when I initially moved back to Prescott in August it was to prep the house to rent.  The decision to remodel I thought would only take a few weeks...well, I was terribly mistaken.  While the results were worth it, it's been a a frustrating, bumpy ride.

Kinda like dieting.

You think you'll achieve more, in less time, than you actually do.

In the diet I went the wrong direction for a week...and in the remodel? Ohhhhh that happened.  A lot!!

What got me through the remodel is what is getting me through the diet:  the Buckeye to be accountable to.  Having a partner to share the ups and downs has made a world of difference; ten days ago I would have quit the diet due to frustration.  Wisdom from others has also been a catalyst:  my sister's advice on food was a gentle reminder of how to get back on track; likewise at the house I could NOT have accomplished this without the help of friends.  While certain house decisions (like painting more rooms and cabinets) took more time, the results are amazing.

So much so, I have an amazing idea....😎

Anywise, the diet has helped me shed 10lbs, and I am definitely healthier for it.  The Buckeye feels better, too; the app reminded me the average watermelon weighs ten pounds, and I'm no longer carrying that!  What's nice is we are both eating better, together. 

As Manchild tried taco rice & cheese this week, his face lit up.  The rice soothed his need for carbs, but was properly balanced with fat and protein.  The weather is cooler, so I've got chili on the brain.  I'm inspired to cook more, and more thoughtfully.

Five weeks in-not only am I seeing a difference, I'm making habits.  Good habits.

And hopefully, that's unlikely to change.

28 Days of Dieting (or why I hate my metabolism)

I'm sooooo stinking mad.

I weighed 175lbs today, up 2.8lbs from last week, despite staying within my 1700 calorie a day limit (which means I should be losing at least a pound a week) and having my two fast days of just 500 calories.  Plus, I actually exercised.

I'm learning to genuinely mountain bike-on Trail 100!!!

So, I stay on target with calories, but apparently my um, unconventional choices of those calories is problematic.

Like on fast days I just wait until evening to eat and that's triggering starvation mode.  So stupid.

Or the fact it's hard to gauge what exactly is a half a bag of Cheetos.

The soooooo handsome Buckeye is down 9lbs!

Meanwhile, the Buckeye is looking amazing, feeling better and is all-around incredible.  He's never been a junk food eater like me, so it's not as difficult for him.  Me?  I'm recording everything I eat and it's clear I make terrible choices.

But at least I'm starting to exercise again.

Trail 100.

Trail 100 in Phoenix is a favorite of mine-it's crazy rocky and I loved learning trail running on it.  To bike it?? Ohhhhhhhh it's gonna be a challenge.  This week I learned about keeping my feet level; my broken foot in 2014 from mountain biking is still a fresh reminder of the consequences of riding with a foot down.  The nice thing is it wasn't hard to breathe--while it the asthma kicked in mildly, I easily kept it under control.  Add in the very patient Buckeye, who never got too far ahead, and it was a definite win.

The diet, however?

I'm over it.

It's not fun anymore, because there are no results, despite following the rules of staying in the calories limits.  Once again, my body isn't following science as a rule (I should lose a pound a week by simply being under 1700 a day.  Last week, for the week, I was 3563 calories UNDER goal calories for the week...even if I misjudged the calories on that aforementioned bag of Cheetos, it's certainly wasn't 3563!!!  How I gained when I'm doing more and eating less is just maddening, and soooooo my body in general.

Unless maybe I did gain a little muscle.  I've been working so hard on the house, painting everyday, and my shoulder hurts.  I can see muscle definition in that arm, and I have been golfing regularly. 

I'm so tired of this.  Flipping over this remodel.

So stress-wise, I'm sooo over my house.  Which evidently triggers starvation mode.

I honestly hate my body.  I lost my gorgeous boobs, regained my waist and I'm stuck.  If I wasn't so steadily gaining before this, I would say just go back to it.  I liked being curvy (but I hated the stomach pooch.) 

But I really miss my clothes.  Nothing fitted.  And I missed my flat stomach something fierce.  So again, today, I'll follow rules that got me no where last week.

Unless I gained muscle.  That is an interesting theory I hadn't considered.

If only burning fat was as easy as burning a hat!

This diet is not fun, and I love fun.  However, I'm sticking with it because what IS fun is seeing the amazing change in my boyfriend.  Not only does he look better, he's moving differently.  He looks younger, and admits to feeling better (except for the day after fast, interestingly.)  I'll keep up my end of the bargain hoping to see a change simply because I see it in him.  His desire to be healthy inspires me to do the same; it wasn't that long ago I started this quest for fitness...not just a good weight, but fitness.  Fitness of the body, soul & spirit when you get down to it...and while improving in two, I've let the third slide.

This came up in my Facebook feed.  I felt horror.  I never, ever want to exercise in a group again.

It's interesting that I perceived this group exercise shot with pure repulsion.  It's not that I care what others think about my body (I honestly could care less) it's more about the fact that in the last year I've come to love exercising by myself, away from everyone else.  I loved mountain biking with the Buckeye as it was a "best of both worlds" scenario--still me vs. the trail, alone with my thoughts but with a really hot, sexy man cheering me on.  

Fast day lunch instead of saving all my calories for later (i.e. me trying to prevent starvation mode)

So today I'm readjusting, eating a small lunch of tuna and carrots (88 calories, 15.3g of protein) and just finished a very easy 20 minute bike ride.  It smacks a bit too much like something everyone else might do, and that's irritating.  

I'd also like to eat a bag of Cheetos.

Until next week....!!!!

Being His Girl

One thing I adore about blogging is the link to years ago often pops up in my "On This Day" on Facebook.  Yesterday, the blog literally took me back to a moment in time I clearly recall...and today it took me back again.

One year ago today, on the Constellation Trail, holding a piece of wreckage shaped like the State of Ohio?!?

Last night, I was happily buried in "The History of Pickaway County, Ohio and her Respectible Citizens" digging up anecdotes on the Buckeye's ancestors.

“The next residence was that of George 
Downs, a man universally known throughout 
the county. He had some very peculiar traits, 
was rather rough in his language, but had a 
heart in him as big as an ox — a more liberal 
and generous man could not be found any- 
where : the latch-string always hung outside 
and he never turned any away if they needed 
help. I speak from personal knowledge, for 
we lived beside him for several years. He was 
a hatter by trade and had a shop on the public 
grounds in the rear of the Market House. His 
hats were very heavy and durable and I have 
heard of them lasting as long as seven vears. 

George Downs is the Buckeye's great-great-great grandfather, and my most recent subject of scrutiny.  After buying himself out of the 1863 draft, he served in 1864 in the 155th OVI in the "War of the Rebellion."  I delighted in this description as it reminded me in many ways of his ever-so-great grandson; genealogy is a hobby that simply brings me joy.  That my boyfriend from Ohio delights in my research?  All the better.

Reading of my life one year ago, I see the theme of "slowing down" being a familiar mantra.  I was desperately unhappy with my job; being overqualified is a special sort of jail sentence for someone like me.  My kittens were my daily dose of joy back then, as they often are today.

Cuda & Harbaugh, perched 15ft up yesterday:). Note the green Frog Tape....sigh!

Our remodel is almost done; yesterday the soaking tub went in.

I always knew it would work!! For six years I've dreamed of this!!

Testing it:)  Hopefully tonight I'll be able to try it out!

Life right now....chaos.

I've gotten up a little decor, and each room is almost to the point I can finish it--really and truly.  I can FINALLY see that the end is near; this flip of my own house is nearly done.

In early August I left my beloved cottage in Phoenix to prep my house to rent--it wasn't selling so I made plans to rent it out.  Things changed quickly however when it was pointed out to me that it wasn't selling due to the perceived work needed...and me, the optimist, saying HEY! I CAN DO THAT!!!!

Me with a bathtub in my car.  Yep, I can do quite a bit!!

I tore this bench out of the bathroom...should have done less tearing and more unscrewing...😳 Needless to say, it's now back together in the new coat closet/mudroom.

So wayyyyyy back in July, when I told my brand new boyfriend I was moving back to Prescott with my children and parents plus two dogs and two cats.  What did he do?

My wonderful, amazing, manly, former Marine boyfriend gritted his teeth, and chose to love me anywise.

And when the King decided to stay at the house while we both worked on it?

Proving to be a prince among men, the Buckeye chose to trust me and believed in my vision.  Oh, it wasn't easy for either one of us...but we've gotten through it.  I essentially decided to flip my own house and gamble everything on it; he decided to roll up his sleeves and drove up to Prescott to help.  Not once, not twice, but every other weekend for two months.

Pretty sure I tested every last bit of his patience the last ten or so weeks....!!!

This man of mine...his love is like one I've not experienced.  To be his girl?

I am so blessed.

This morning I can see the finish line for the very first time; the excitement in my heart is building as I figure out what to do next and how it will all come together.  As I work diligently on each task, crossing more and more items off the punch list, I thank God for stamina, wisdom and the Buckeye.

Each night he calls, ready to give the "atta-girl!" to my victories and the encouragement when I'm struggling.  He doesn't waver as I do; his love has been my anchor in this chaotic storm.  Off weekends away from my house are times of refuge; he cooks me dinners and takes care of little things I overlook (like balding tires and messy car interiors...!!)  His reassurance of his love I still cannot fully grasp, despite all he's done I find myself mired in unfounded doubts.

And yet I'm confident enough in his love to send him selfies that look like this....?!

Last year, this was my version of an unpretty selfie.  Bawahahahahahahahahahaha...how times have changed!

A year ago was the start of me recognizing that me, being Strong & Complicated, wanted instant everything.  Instant approval, instant action. I knew that I needed to slow down, but it was hard; I didn't like my life and felt trapped.  I had lost focus, and my knee-jerk reaction was try harder...it took me six months to learn that relaxing a bit was the better option.  The turning point in everything was my literal leap of faith when I chose to skydive--trusting God that doing what I feared would work to my advantage.  In the past six months (five of which have been being the Buckeye's girl) I'm learning its more than just slowing down.  It's about trust.

Last Saturday, the Buckeye and I went to one of his favorite haunted houses.  I'm not a fan; I don't like gore or being frightened.  He loves both; I knew going to such places was a favorite part of his fall.  Loving him as I do, I set aside my serious misgivings about my ability to handle such places, and told him I'd go with him.  The fear of being afraid is what had kept me from skydiving, I see no reason to feel needless apprehension!!  Standing in line I pushed down growing anxiety, and quietly prayed.  In the past few years anything in complete darkness had overwhelmed me--I knew it would trigger suffocating panic I could not control.  

Entering the house (Phoenix's largest and scariest!) I grabbed his hand, determined to bring him joy.  Overcoming tremendous fear wasn't instaneous, but I did find I was able to shut it off on occasion and literally enjoy the fun of a haunted house.  With his hand wrapped around mine I was able to face my greatest fear (squeezing between two totally dark air mattresses), enjoy his fright and actually enjoy the experience of "safe fear"--knowing I would be alright. My trust in him was so complete it turned something I said I'd never do into something I'd do again (not quite excitedly yet, but...!!)

I think back on me telling the Buckeye I was moving to Prescott...and that my ex would be staying with us...and that I was remodeling instead of packing...and every visit here it looked as if we weren't getting anything done....I cannot imagine what fear the Buckeye felt.  I know his history, and I know my actions triggered many harsh memories that did not play out well for him in the past.

Yet he held on to me, and faced that fear...

True love is showed in actions, not simply words.  In the Buckeye I have found a godly man, who encourages me with scripture, picks up his tools and works on a home not belonging to him, opens my doors and fixes me food, holds me and reminds me constantly how much he loves me.  We had a spat the other night, and we openly discussed how we felt and why...and apologized first, then forgave each other equally for our part in it.

Being his girl?

It's so much more than I could have ever asked for or dreamed.  In my busyness of a house remodel, I truly have failed to slow down and recognize the gift that is right beside me.  My blog of last year reminded me to do so; I am so thankful and so blessed.

Interestingly, for two years in a row I referenced a blog about loving a woman who is Strong & Complicated.  Both years, I strongly identified with the blog, and lamented the first year that the King simply couldn't love me and the second year that others didn't get me either.  How to Love a Strong & Complicated Woman

This year?  

I'm not seeing the correlation as once did...because I am being loved.  Unreservedly, passionately loved.  "My eyes are on the prize," the Buckeye often says.  I'm embarrassed to admit I had to ask him what the prize was.  Always the last to be picked, always the first to be rejected; surely he couldn't mean me.  The fact that he does mean me has changed me; I'm more determined than ever to be worthy of that love.

Being his girl?

It's the best thing in the world.

21 days of Dieting

Well, lets just say I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

Last week's morning meal.  Tasty and filling!!

Last Monday I remembered I was having a fast day when I met the Commander for breakfast.  All was well, the above menagerie was 300 calorie.  Meaning I only had 200 left for the day.

So I snacked on baby carrots and had lots of water before golf.  But golf made me hungry....and I had eaten a lot of carrots.  Like - almost 3/4's of a bag, and about 100 calories worth.  Meaning I had 100 left, and had to drive two hours home to Prescott.

Ugh.

I was so hungry I wanted to cheat.  One hour in, I stop at McDonalds, and pulled up their entire menu by calories.  I settled on a large ice tea (unsweetened, of course.  I am from the North) and had a plain hamburger, no bun.

And that was it.  500 calories total for the day.  On the nose.

I honestly thought about cheating.  I told the Buckeye as much, and he responded he felt the same...but thought of me.

Just like I thought of him.

And we both made it through the day, and didn't cheat.

Tuesday I was relieved-I could eat anything I wanted....and yet, while I had a few slices of pizza, when I logged my day into the Lose It! app I found my calories count was well below my allotment of 2000 for the day.  I simply didn't eat as much, and was full faster.  Wednesday, another fast day, was easy.  I was at home, so I split a can of soup between lunch and dinner, and added an entire can of green beans to each serving, and mushrooms to the later.  I had carrots again as a snack; and was never hungry despite working hard on the house.

So why am I dreading tomorrow?

This weekend, I ate responsibly and enjoyed food without real thought.  I came in under calories, and my weight this morning?  173lbs.  I'm down 8.4lbs in three weeks.  The Buckeye?  He's also down 8lbs, and I see it visibly on him.  His pants aren't staying up, and I'm delighted to see the changes.  Me?  Well, my boobs aren't as big, and that's kinda sad.

My clothes still don't fit, except for certain tops.  Jeans are still unable to be pulled on, and I'm thanking God for Prescott's delay in the cold as I'm still wearing shorts.  Dreading tomorrow?

It's a fear that the weight loss will stop, and all of this is for naught.

Right now, I'm remodeling the house in Prescott, in hopes of a sale at last.  It's a gamble and the stakes are high; yet everyone says they think it'll be a win.  Why I cried all day Thursday then?

They're not painted; they're painted and stained...a four step process.  Times six.

Maybe it was the diet.  Maybe it was the fact it was my late sister's birthday.  Maybe the fact Little Miss Sunshine, a friend's niece, had died after a year of battling carcinoma.  I'd prayed for her for nearly 20 years...she had been born with spinal bifida, and when I first met my friend (who actually introduced me to the King) he told me about her.  Hence the decades of prayer...and now her death.  The never ending remodel.  The messy house.  The lack of help in the chaos.  The vision that is yet for an appointed time...

Th Buckeye had sent me home with this:)

So on Friday, despite knowing I had much to do, I left for Phoenix.  We had a Special Olympics regional golf meet, and I was committed to being there for my partner, Dove.  The Buckeye and Daisy would be teeing off for their fifth season together, and it was my first Special Olympics meet.

Me and Daisy.  Dove isn't a fan of social media like I, and I respect that:)

Me and the Buckeye, both sporting our team colors on the driving range.

Dove and I had a later tee time, and when we went to start were greeted with the news that both our competing teams had scratched!  It was an automatic win and a gold medal for us both; something we both chuckled at.  We played our nine on extremely fast greens, alternating shots.  We had one birdie on a par five, and both hit extremely well in the fairway with our new clubs (her a Callaway 11° driver I picked up for $3.99 at Goodwill and I with my Callaway Big Bertha 5 iron I found for $2.99!!). My new wedge club is likely my new favorite; we had a blast and we both improved our games.  

So love this man.  Delighted to join him in volunteering with Special Olympics! 

Later that evening, we took in a local haunted house; it was my first in 20 years.  The Buckeye loves such things, me....??  Well, it ended up being fun in a terrifyingly fun way.  Thankfully he enjoyed my fright, and I enjoyed him being my protector.  It was a fun double date with friends, and I agreed to go to more.  I'm certain in our future he'll attend many things with me he'd rather skip, so this was an easy concession.

So 21 days in, and as of this morning I'm down 8.4lbs. It would be more if our amazing dinner a week before hadn't thrown me off; the lesson, however, has been learned.  While we can have treats, we simply watch our portion size.

Rectangular apple cheddar pie!

More Duke's!!

Nope, I'm not looking forward to fasting and eating only 500 calories, but I'm looking forward to the future reward.  Kinda like the next few week's worth of work:  in the end it all pays off.

Hoping this time it really does.

14 days into The Diet

Two weeks ago today, the Buckeye and I decided we would start a diet together.  We chose the 5:2 Diet, which meant eating regularly 5 days a week, and "fasting" 2 days a week - cutting our calorie consumption to a quarter of what we'd normally eat.

The first week found us both googling caloric values of foods; the first fast day (we chose Monday's and Wednesday's, they can be any two days so long as they are NOT consecutive) he had two hard boiled eggs with his black coffee, I just had coffee.  For lunch we each had a packet of tuna and half an avocado, for dinner we each had chicken noodle soup.  On Wednesday I discovered the amazing powers of green beans - for my lunch and dinner I had taken one can of chunky sirloin soup and split it between the meals, adding a full can of green beans to each meal (I mixed the soup and the beans, and at dinner added mushrooms, too).

This yummy, tummy-filling concoction was only 190 calories!

Both of us were surprised that we weren't ravenously hungry the next day, and the Buckeye had still hiked on his fast day with no issues.  Over the weekend we both noted we were more aware of our food choices, and I found an app, Lose It!, that helped us chart our calories.  That next Monday I had a bunch of veggies for lunch, my chicken noodle soup for dinner and savored 17 baked sweet potato chips as I used up my calories.  For my fourth fasting day I saved all my calories for a magnificent rotisserie chicken breast, green beans and carrots dinner, accompanied by one shot of my favorite rye mixed in zero calorie peach iced tea.

The Lose It! app had given me a caloric intake of 1756 calories a day if I wanted to lose one pound a week, so I used that as my non fasting day guide.  As one who often finds themselves grabbing fast food or nothing at all, I was able to easily stay in my calorie range by simply making good choices - I continued to see my weight drop despite a whopper with cheese and a Big Mac last week.  As of Friday morning, I was a full 8.4 pounds lighter!

And then we went on a date.

He had Key Lime, I had berry empanadas with coconut ice cream....!!!

It was a glorious date; I wore a new little black dress and my handsome Buckeye had slicked his hair. We dined outside in the beautiful Phoenix autumn; stars overhead and soft jazz with a live band playing.  The food was Latin-infused Mexican; it was one of the Buckeye's favorite places and my first time there.  We indulged - the appetizer of empanada's with a spicy mango salsa we split, I had seafood chiles relanos, he had crusted tilapia with cheddar chipotle mashed potatoes.  We each ordered dessert, and with two drinks and coffee under our belt (and doggie bags full - he had 1/3 of his entree, I had 1/2 of my entree and 1/4 of my dessert) we went home very, very stuffed...each of us remarking how we could not have eaten another bite, and surprised by the amounts we brought home.  He decided not to try and figure out his calorie intact (it was not a fast day!) but I did...and was rather shocked.  Even at half portions I was crazily over my calories - nearly doubled!  Still, we don't go out often; as date's go it ranks as one of our best.  We are five months in as a couple and nine months in as friends; it was wonderful to share such a meal while dieting.

That night I was up first; when he followed two hours later we had to admit we had mild food poisoning.  I joked it might cancel our calorie consumption; he ruefully pointed out he had gained a pound when he weighed himself that morning!  Knowing it was the shared empanada's, we did decide to eat our doggie bag remnants for dinner (it was that good!!!  lol!!) and indeed, we were fine.

Although a bit heavier...!!!!

The BEST thing about Mexican food is you can stir it all together and it tastes even more amazing.  My seafood chiles and corn and cornbread was incredible after a long day...and I knew my calories would be over.  I thought I didn't care, until I stepped on the scale this morning.  At 175.4 lbs.

So my long-held suspicion that my calorie consumption (rather than fats/carbs) was my culprit is correct...and your body doesn't cheat (even though you might when you enter portion size on the Lose It! app) when counting them.  So instead of proudly reporting an 8+ pound weight loss at the beginning of our third week, it's only 6 pounds.  The Buckeye?  He's lost 4.5 pounds (and I can see it, too!) What's wonderful is our cheat night taught us one entree shared would have likely filled us (same with the dessert!) but in the end didn't hurt the fact we both had significant weight loss in our first two weeks. 

His fasting lunch last week; its shocking how filling mixing a can of green beans and mushrooms is!!

Thus far, we've both noted that being veggie fans it's pretty easy for us to load up on a ton them and not be hungry.  Twice now I've been over full when finishing a meal on a FASTING day - it's pretty awesome knowing you're stuffed on a diet.  Because its only twice a week - it was easy to push through the desire to have more (I'll be honest, I really wanted a second shot of whiskey.  It's only 109 calories) knowing the next day you *could* have more if you wanted.  From my research, this diet "works" as a jump start to your metabolism; you don't go into starvation mode as you are eating enough calories on the fasting day to avoid so you do burn the fat instead.  We both agree that counting our calories on the non-fasting day is super important; even though we both desire less food, it's easy to go over with a drink or snack that had a high calorie content you weren't previously aware of.

So, exercise...???  Golfing once a week is on me, but the app tells me I walk about 5000 steps a day (it's tied into my pedometer on my iPhone, which I don't always have on me.)  The house remodel has me constantly busy; even if it's scraping caulk for hours.  The Buckeye hikes at least once a week and plays rugby once a week as well; plus the golf night we share with Special Olympics.

My concerns on this diet is sodium content on fasting days - soups from a can are higher as it is in my canned veggies.  Of course it's only twice a week - plus I due trend towards fresh veggies (but usually not mushroom or green beans as the season is wrong and time snapping!!!) at other times.  For now, knowing that prior to our big cheat meal I had lost 8 pounds while pretty much only eating fast food on my non fasting days last week was HUGE.  It just showed me I was easily capable of making better choices, and I was never really hungry save for golfing on Monday night.  Despite having quite a bit of stress with the house remodel reaching a crescendo, I've only once been tempted to break the diet and didn't as I knew the next day I could have more.  We are having fun figuring out different fasting day meals (and being one who doesn't mind meal monotony, its nice for me to know what works and stick to it!)

This weekend I tried on my jeans, and still none of the fit.  My tops are all fitting better (sigh, my cup size dropped immediately!) which is comforting; I've got this crazy hope that I might actually fit into them sooner than later (165lbs is my max on my "fat jeans", 160lbs and most fit).

Strangely, this diet has me wanting to have a fondue party....

So that's the end of week two on our diet; having a partner is what is making it doable for me.  Without the Buckeye I would have forgotten I was on it and wouldn't have the accountability I so desperately needed.  Thankful that at least in this aspect of fitness I'm seeing some change!