In a swanky little downtown area, with cute cafes lining the sidewalks.
She’s ditching her college apartment furniture, despite having 10 months to go to graduation late this fall. She works full time as a waitress while attending school fulltime; as a mum I am so proud of her. Both the King and I paid for our own college educations, and felt it important our children did, too. The Commander is a finance major at Arizona State; having fought hard to get into WP Carey School of Business after changing her major. As I thoroughly enjoy time with my adult daughter, it seems funny to recall her baby days, so long ago.
We’ve come sooooooo far.
I was so tired when this photo was taken; she was about a month old and some nights were very long. The Knight was dying of brain cancer, so baby care was mine alone-especially as she was exclusively breast fed.
Not that I didn’t try a bottle, mind you. She refused them, and didn’t like pacifiers, either. Thus the only comfort was in my arms, at the breast...so I was stupid tired...and so utterly in love. My baby was the most amazing thing in the world-every day she seemed to change! I remember thinking there was nothing better than having a newborn, when suddenly I had a one month old!
Who giggled and laugh and finally took a pa-pa!
Nothing, just nothing could be better...and then she was two months old! Smiling, cooing and sleeping through the night, this baby of mine was sheer delight. I found that every month brought new wonderful moments, and I cherished each one. Perhaps it was because her father was dying I appreciated each moment as it happened...and perhaps it was because of his death when she was 3 1/2 months old I savored the little joys a baby brings all the more. All I know is each day was better than the day before...even as her strong-willed personality emerged. Who she was right now was the best possible moment to be her mom...even if it (as it eventual was!) filled with temper tantrums, screams and showdowns over who would rule the house as she grew. I never wished for those baby days back...even though her behavior then was far more manageable. I did wonder if it was perhaps because I was widowed I didn’t wish for those days....
But then Manchild came along, and it was the same.
The most pleasant little lad.
Once again, I delighted in my baby exactly as he was. The endless feedings, the smiles at his sister, his coloring on the walls and jumping off furniture...all of it. Who he was at that minute was my favorite age...
As it would be with his little sister.
When the Princess was born, we were struggling financially. I joined Lady Remington (which quickly became lia sophia) 3 months after her birth; within a year I was a top recruiter and had jumped two levels of management. The joy of working from home was emmense; I missed nothing of her baby/toddlerhood.
And enjoyed each moment as it came in the years to come.
Mackinac Memories❤️
Early Arizona adventures...
Fun celebrating the Commander’s 20th Birthday.
When my house was a mess and I tried to keep the white carpet clean and the kids fed and presentable, people told me I’d miss those days. Those same people missed their children being babies, however, and I did not....and I wondered if I’d ever feel the same.
I sooooo prefer my house clean, like this!!!
Right now is my best day of being a mom.
The Commander at 22, the Manchild at 17, and the Princess closing in on her Sweet Sixteen. Who they are this minute, even as they have good days and bad, is exactly were I need to be as their mom.
So, too, have I learned this with the man I love.
I thought I loved him then, when we took this picture in June. How much more do I love him now!
When I meet the Buckeye a year ago, he was refreshing in that he told me exactly what he was thinking. As we became friends while casually dating, he pointed out my fixation on future events...the “if only’s” I seemed to never achieve. My cottage sabbatical helped me see that while as a mother I truly enjoyed my children exactly as they were, I didn’t view my own life that way. Years of self-medicating myself with “if I can just get through to X it will be OK” had left me rudderless. My lack of direction was partly due to living for future events that might or might not happen; I seemed powerless to predict the storms.
Calling it on Cholla trail last May, unable to go further. It was the start of summer asthma, but I didn’t know it at the time.
I started to live “in the now” as our romance progressed; trying to always chose today as the best moment. When the house remodel finished only to be followed by a contract that fell through at the worst possible time, I became discouraged; so much seemed to ride on the day the house finally sold!!! My future happiness seemed linked to that event...I hated the unpredictability of my life due to the whim of a stranger. The stress began to take a toll, and it impacted every area of my life...and nothing changed for the better. Another job offer went to the other final candidate, and there was no money for the mortgage, nevertheless Christmas. A friend commented on how nice it would be to be rescued, and I promptly agreed. A house sale would indeed be a rescue...and I prayed for it again while chewing on those words.
I didn’t need to be rescued.
I needed to live in the right now.
NYE...and the unexpected happened.
I purposed to change my thinking, and was reminded of days past. Back in lia sophia I often wondered why my managers froze in fear, instead of taking action. I saw in me what I had once seen in them, and knew I had to choose a different path. Now was the best time ever to be me; to have my health, my wits and my relative youth in my favor. I had a man who loved me by my side; I had faith that God would not fail me nor give me up. Christmas came, and I had gifts to give. The mortgage was paid. And then...
Most people say the day their child was born was their happiest day. The Commander’s birth was happy, for sure. Her father’s impending demise, however....
Let’s just say it took years for me to remember her birth without weeping.
While my younger children’s birth were days of great joy, how I became a mother dampened those days. My happiest day, by far, was the day I became engaged to the Knight. For that was the day I finally “knew” my future...and the joy it brought was immense.
Imagine my utter surprise, while living in the now, that a simple dinner on New Years Eve topped that.
It wasn’t even the dessert that made it so, delicious though it was!
My choice to live now, to enjoy now, to love now, to be in the now....all of it....made that moment my happiest to date. It wasn’t a life event, it was a simple dinner, shared with the man I love.
A more typical weekend together, outside in January☀️🌵
Now.
Today has always been the best day to be Mom to the Commander, Manchild and the Princess. Now it’s the best day to be Me.
And that’s a powerful way to live.
I won many awards and received accolades for my efforts....
For Manchild
For my sister and a shared appreciation of the finer things!
