Tetelestai

Sold.

That happy moment with my dear friend and agent:)

The THREE YEAR journey was over.

In the summer of 2015, the King and I were in marriage counseling.  Daily life was a struggle, and our gorgeous home, 12 miles out of town, was a bit too big and a bit too far away.  We decided a sale would give us a fresh start, reduce our debt and move us closer to the kids’ schools and activities.

I packed all my books away in August 2015.

And life handed me lemons.  For three long years.

We listed the house for sale in October, but I moved out within days.  I asked him to come after me, and he chose not to.  I filed for divorce in November, and 60 days later, it was granted.  Five days later, the King moved to the valley, leaving behind both younger children, and the house to me.  I fired our realtor, and hired a new one.

The first offer on the house fell through in March 2016, due to the well needing to be shocked.

I received a summons for jury duty that day...

...and got fired from my job the very next day.

To the King’s credit, he paid the bills until I got another job.

But this entrepreneur couldn’t just get a job.  She had to start a company.  Ride was born two years ago, because I had jury duty in Phoenix, and rode on a golf cart in Old Town Scottsdale.

By August, our second listing of the house had ended, and we moved on to realtor #3.

Surely it would sell, right? (Please note the kittens playing in the background.  The joy they gave me during those difficult days was immeasurable!)

Money got very tight, as I worked my 40hr a week job plus struggled to pay my new company bills.  We decided to refinance the house, and took it off the market.  Amazingly, we qualified.  The next month? The King quit his job to start a new company, the very same week I quit my day job to focus solely on Ride.

I also had a first date with this guy right around the same time....

With Ride operating in Scottsdale and the King based in Prescott, we decided to “switch places.” I took over his apartment with the Commander, and he moved back into the house that still hadn’t sold.  When I’d come up for the weekend to be with the kids, he’d head back to Mesa.  It wasn’t ideal, but as always, the kids were the priority.  They loved our home, so we let them stay there.

The Princess at Cinderella’s Castle’s Wishing Well in March 2017.  When I threw in my coin, I cannot recall if I wished for my house to sell or for true love.

Kinda guessing it was for true love. ❤️ 

April was when my test of faith began, as I decided to trust God and do the unimaginable.

Can I repeat once again that NEVER, EVER in my life had I ever wanted to skydive?!?

The pure joy...!!!

It was this lesson in faith- to listening to the still, small idea to skydive that formed as I cried out in prayer-that would stand as a testament for the next year. I learned when I trusted God’s will, I had no fear.

The wonderful, wonderful cottage days began, but they’d soon too quickly end.

The peach orchard and my dictionary...Tuesday night dinners and sabbatical days.

For three months, I made new habits, broke old ones and thoroughly fell in love with one gruff, funny, outspoken and tenderhearted former Marine, the Buckeye.

June 23rd, Tombstone.  We forever laid to rest any fears in this cemetery.

And then the house again became a priority.

The King and I could no longer afford the mortgage and live in two separate locations as we had done.  While my business was slowly growing, it wasn’t growing quickly enough.  The sale became tantamount-both the King and I needed it to happen financially, and increasingly, I needed it emotionally.  I had found my match, and wanted to be tied only to him.

The storms that awaited us....sigh.

So I moved back to Prescott, and into the house I still owned with the King...and we both lived there again.  Two years after we’d packed up, we were still there.

I rented a storage unit, and took all those packed up books to there.  I began to remodel the house, and took it off the market.  Using the failed buyer’s inspection, I went through the list repairing each and every item, while painting and contracting repairs like mad.

And this?  It went to this:

And this?

To this:

And we engaged realtor #4.  Who brought us an offer, made three unforgivable mistakes, and lost the offer right after Thanksgiving.  I fired him, and brought back realtor #3.

I was so in love...surely another offer would happen right away, right?  Because by now, it was the house that was keeping us from taking the next step.

And in a leap of faith, the Buckeye threw caution to the wind, and proposed exactly one year after our first date.  He re-enacted the entire date, and proposed at dinner before we celebrated at Supercross:)

But the house didn’t sell.

We picked our location, but no date.  Couldn’t pick that until the house sold.  So we waited.

And every month, I didn’t have enough to pay bills at the beginning of the month.  By faith, I worked hard each month to make it work...and every month, I had enough money to make it.

For six months, I had enough. 

Then in May, while barely scraping by and Ride finally launching in my hometown, I crumpled.  I could no longer live with a noose around my future.

No sleep, no hikes, no future.

I asked the Buckeye to set a date, without selling the house first.  After careful consideration, we picked September 8th.  Far from jubilant; I also cried, wept, tried to hike more, prayed, worked 14 hour days and held on to hope.  One week later, we had an offer.

One week later, I had enough money to get half way through June...but not the full month.

 But this time?  This time I started packing.

And packing.

And curating....

Because in June, we were opening the GMIHC Learning & Tribute Center. 

And Ride became very popular as well, which meant someone needed to try and sabotage her.  We are at over $1000 in vandalism repairs.

So the last two weeks...it’s been a wild ride.  A successful (but expensive repair-wise) new business, packing and moving an entire home, a closing and an opening, less than 24 hours apart.

I am humbled to have been a servant to this.

Last night I saw the Buckeye before he left for the Special Olympics National Games in Seattle.  I’ll join him there tomorrow, after another busy day of making things work.

The last morning at my old house.

Three years.  Three years ago, I packed up my treasured belongings, hoping beyond hope for a new start with the King.  Now in a healthy relationship with the Buckeye, I can see with hindsight how bad my marriage was, and how unhealthy we both had become.  The King always told me I needed to change, and he was right (to a certain extent.  We BOTH needed to change.)  This three year journey has taught me many things...

1) Praying for your house to sell is like praying for your team to win.  I don’t think it works that way.

2) Don’t allow circumstances to dictate your future.  You control your future, not your circumstances.

3) Patience is exhausting.  I think it may be like exercise:  you need to exercise it frequently so it doesn’t completely wear you out in the long run.

4)  Past relationships will always affect the present one...but the effects don’t have to be damaging.  Learn from them.

5)  You don’t always feel jubilant after you get what you’ve worked so hard for.  Sometimes you just are tired.

6)  God never failed me or left me without financial support for six months.  Every month the books said there wouldn’t be enough.  Every month, there was.  The choice to walk by faith and trust God was just that-a choice to move forward.  Had I not skydived and had no fear, I doubt I could have accomplished this.

Tetelestai:  it is finished.  Paid in full.

God surely provided all my needs, according to His riches in glory.  

Thank you, God.  It is to Him all the glory and honor is due!

Milestones

He doesn’t have kids.

His goal in life?  “To be fun Uncle Buckeye.”

Ohhhhhh people thought we were nuts that day at Wal-Mart...😂😂😂

On our second date so long ago, when he told me exactly what he was thinking, he told me Special Olympics was his children.  That he didn’t have any of his own, and they were his kids.

Winning the gold medal in this year’s State Championship in Football:)

They are his kids; to a certain extent.  He loves them, he won’t give up on them and he has a blast with them.  He also doesn’t live with them.  He also told me that he’d love to be Fun Uncle Buckeye with my kids.  After we got engaged, he even told them he wouldn’t parent them.  Premarital counseling did tell us that wasn’t the case, and a stepparent relationship would need be established  at some point.  As my kids are 16, 17 and 22, however, we weren’t really too worried.  When he saw them, their relationships grew...and they had fun.  Lots of fun.  And then?

The Commander (who so helpfully pointed out that why I may be in love, I did not need to wear a Browns hat while hiking!) and I hiking a few days ago.

Then the  Commander broke up with her boyfriend of three years a short bit ago, and the Buckeye invited her to live with him for as long as she needed.  She has one semester of college left, and was inbetween jobs at the moment things went to hell.  From the first, I made sure they both knew the relationship would be between them; I refused to be a go-between.

She has proven to be a wonderful hiking partner, however.  We’ve done Piestewa twice in the last month.

Things have gone well between them; then it happened.  Five weeks in, the Buckeye realized he could no longer be Fun Uncle Buckeye...and he came to me with concerns.  I listened, but wasn’t overly worried.  Let’s just say that the Commander was an extremely difficult child to raise...

She’s three, and totally in charge.

...so I’m utterly delighted she’s turned out so well.  I spoke to her about the issues, and assured the Buckeye he simply needed to communicate with her.  He insisted I parent.  I insisted he parent.

Because suddenly, he was becoming one.

Manchild, the Princess, the Buckeye & the Commander.

In the end, the two sat down and talked.  She received what he was saying in love, and he realized she was an adult making good decisions.  I remind him he’s earning the right to be called Grandpa Buckeye to my children’s someday children; he reminds me that the last time he was a stepdad, he wasn’t allowed to parent.

As I look back on the mistakes I’ve made in the past; I try my best not to repeat them.  Too often I played peacemaker; stepping between a child and an adult in hopes of soothing the relationship.  I’m determined not to do that this time; by talking to each of them separately and then letting them figure it out together.  As my world spins faster and faster with the impending move (our final inspection was just cleared, and I can finally pack) I want to chose the right paths.  

It’s sooooo hard when both your daughters, your ex and your fiancé are all incredibly strong-willed type A personalities.

Here’s another picture of them.  The third lioness would be my mother....

What’s making it all work is the Buckeye’s desire to listen and be better...not just have his way.  As we are both stressed, waiting for the other show to drop and the house sale either to push through or fall out, I’m learning this man I am to marry is willing to communicate, and if he’s wrong, change.

And that above all else, means the world to me.

Taking Control

Patience is not my forte.

Fitness Quest:  Keeping it real.  This is how you look stressed when you don’t get in a hike.

Why was I so I stressed??  Well, let’s start with the fact I got divorced almost three years ago, and the house I shared with my ex I still live in...with my ex, and my parents.  It’s been for sale that entire time...and I’ve depleted all of my reserves.

Because I’m also an entrepreneur, who is starting a business no one has ever started before.

It’s not in the palm of my hand...yet!!

And while I LOVE my business, it’s stressful when things take much longer than planned, and repair bills are insane.

But we are getting there!  It IS happening and it is actually very good!!  I just have to be patient through the process...

Add in I’m a curator, too...

I was pleased with this...but June’s project is much larger.

And the fact my fiancé lives 100 miles away...

An I-17 traffic jam due to a brush fire.

And tearful mornings in the office, over a silly incident suddenly become earth shattering moments you can’t seem to recover from.  A house sale would change everything, yet I could not control that.  Everything, it seemed, was hinged on that event.  It was keeping the Buckeye and I physically apart, and entangled me still with my ex, the King.  With the mounting work I’d missed my hikes, but at least was eating better.  Sleep, however, was fleeting-I knew I had bills I could not pay...including the mortgage.

I’ve never not paid a bill before.  Ever.

As the house sat, bills mounted and repairs kept coming...I felt myself struggling and reminded myself faith was a choice.  Doubting was a choice.  Unforgiveness was a choice. I had been chiding the Buckeye with the fact that in the Bible, Mark said your prayers would go unanswered if you had unforgiveness, James said you’d receive nothing if you doubted, and Paul made it clear faith without action was dead.  While with Ride and my curatorship I knew that I knew I was on the right track, I had faith in my abilities and those helping, I had none of that confidence with the sale of the house.  Tied into that? A wedding date-not to be set until the house sold.  My future, quite literally, was held hostage by an event I could not take control of.

While all this was occurring, my father fell and broke his back.  My mother was told an old diagnosis was trying to creep back on her.  The Commander needed immediate help to move, and I took home her cat, Thor.

Who may have hissed and clawed at everyone and everything for several days, before remembering his Grama loved him.

I was being pulled everyway, and had a choice:  I could trust God, or trust my own abilities.  That day I sat crying in the office, I decided again to pray.  I spent the drive to back to Prescott mulling over the fact the only out was one God had to reveal; reminding myself He could do superabundantly far over and above my hopes and dreams.  Visiting my father in the hospital later that week, I was reminded of how life can change in an instant; driving back to Phoenix I decided that was the day I would ask for the removal of the millstone from my neck. I decided I would ask the Buckeye to set a wedding date, despite the house not being sold.

The prior weeks had been very difficult for the Buckeye and I; we knew now, more than ever, we were meant to be together and not apart.  Earlier that week he had admitted to also being in a crisis concerning his faith; my lifelong habit of no empathy rose quickly to the surface, mixed with indignant anger.  Everything in his life was fine!!!  He was merely waiting for my house to sell; it wasn’t his credit, his business, his bills that needed paid.  His faith was in crisis?? What about mine??!!?

At that moment when I thought for a second I should take off my ring and send him a picture with the words “when you figure it out, call me” a thunderous wave of compassion and empathy poured over me.  In a microsecond my anger was replaced with love, understanding his perspective.  My partner was stumbling alongside of me, sharing my burden by carrying it, too.  Would I push him down, or stop and steady is both?

Oh, the revelation in that!  How often do we not see that our partner is struggling because they are helping to carry our weight?  How many times in the past had I lashed out at the one helping me?  Instead of chastising the Buckeye again, I instead asked him to help me remove the weight that had been holding us down.  I asked him to set a wedding date, with no offer on the house.

It was a long talk, a well-discussed decision.  When decided, however, there was no immediate joy.  I posted it on Facebook and received almost 200 likes/loves/wows and it still didn’t seem right.  Later that day we did hear some positive feedback from our open house, but that’s nothing new.  Daring to hope, daring to take action and walk in faith can be hard...dark even.  

The days that followed I often woke up in a cold sweat.  The bills were huge, and there was no income. I needed to hike, but often returned home too late.  Interestingly though, my night shakes had stopped...and I resolved to not let our decision be just lip service.  So I put one foot in front of another...and took action.  With bittersweet memories flooding my heart, I readied Red Ride for sale.  She was my first cart, but as an electric, she never could give me the time I needed from her.  A dear friend offered to get her to Phoenix, and I said goodbye to the old girl.

Our first tip on Ride, in 2016.

We sold her the first day, at full asking price.

The relief that poured over me cannot be described; the old girl would be missed but had found a good home.  Repair bills and Ride business bills could be paid for another month, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  We had a house showing scheduled as well; a result of the open house.  Again, I took steps forward,  and resumed planning the wedding.

The Princess, rather maturely saying whatever bridesmaids’ dress I chose would be fine.  The Commander vetoed this choice immediately!

I decided to trust God, and enjoy these days...

And had an outstanding Memorial Day weekend with my incredibly handsome fiancé.

Who may have loved the fact I’m a Trekkie:)

The utter joy of being Us.  It was the best weekend we’d had together in months.

None of our circumstances had changed.  I still had bills, repairs and an unsold house.  He still had a fiancée entangled with her ex.  What had changed?  Our decision to trust God fully.  We set the date, confident that the house would be sold before September 8th.  Our joy came from God, and once again, our relationship was easy.  

The laughter when we are together is endless!!  This trip to WalMart saw many disapproving glances from others-it was soooooo much fun!!

What’s more?  We had unexpected blessings, too.  A visit with one of his old friends quickly formed into a new friendship for me, and the Buckeye had a chance meeting with another retired Marine.

This gentleman fought in the Battle of Chosin Reservoir, one of the three most iconic battles in Marine Corp history.  My Buckeye was honored to meet him and listened to his stories for hours.

Me?  Well, anytime I get to be a Federation Officer it’s a good day:)

I’m a captain.  I have a starship.  Really.

So despite the circumstances, or should I say inspite of our circumstances, we found utter joy in each other again.  That, I fully believe, is because we chose to believe God and have faith, rather than give in.  Is it any surprise then, that one week after we announced our wedding date, we received an excellent offer on the house?

It was late Monday night when it came in, and the Buckeye had been up for 17hrs at this point!!  The champagne I had won a few days prior at a Chamber event:)

Inspections have been done, we are confident the sale will go through.  And yet...

Ohhhhhh, yesterday was HARD.

I found myself crying, knowing a hike could fix things but having no gumption to go.  I knew I could pray but I didn’t.  I wanted resolution now, not in 27 days.

It’s like a race when you finally see the finish line, but every drop of energy in you drains away, and you doubt you can complete it.

The cause of my sudden worry, when all was going so well?  I did my bills, and there’s not enough with the newest round of repairs and business needs.

I made my bed yesterday morning...and after a day that didn’t go as planned, returned home to find I had done one thing right that day.  I had made my bed!!

Faith is a daily choice.  Action is a daily choice.  Some days, you may struggle with it.  Somedays are easy, and somedays are hard.  Yesterday I let doubt creep in, and I was miserable.  Nothing changed, and I worried it might never change-despite the fact the inspections went well with the house, and Ride is going well.  Taking control isn’t just one decision-it’s a series of actions combined with daily choices.  It’s looking for the best options when things seem overwhelming.

In truth, it’s for ALL OF US.

My former pastor’s wife shared this last night; she’s quoting several scriptures in this declaration.  It was an instant reminder to me that while physically I was alone last night, I’m never alone with the Lord on my side.

My daughter, the Princess, commented the other day that she wondered how people made it through life without the comforting peace of a relationship of Christ.  The pure joy of knowing you had a champion behind you, a source of help in time of trouble.  No, God doesn’t magically snap His fingers and make things happen.  I tell my children that their relationship with God is about being a better person themselves-that when we seek God, His direction helps us make better choices and decisions.  The last six months as we’ve waited for a sale I’ve seen my faith grow and expand in ways I never though imagineable, as every month the money has come in for every bill (so why I was worried yesterday??? With six months of proof God provides?  Sigh!!! Tired, I suppose?!) The Buckeye and I have seen our relationship tested and pulled at, and yet we are more in love now than before.  The confidence that gives each of us going into this third marriage is huge-and we’ve grown closer while apart.  Last night we laughed as two of my kids were at his house and only one at nine; the love they have for him has grown.  

In 100 days we wed:)

When we got home after the inspection, we found this on the counter:

It’s from the buyers.

The Buckeye’s mom said we should hang this in our new home together!

As I look back...I see growth.  I see impatience and fear.  I see resolve, determination and creative courage.  I see amazing faith, and strengthening bonds.  I see challenges, doubts and hurts.  Nope, we aren’t perfect. But with God, we are truly seeing that all things are possible when we take control of our own behavior.  It’s not let go and let God, it’s more get ahold of yourself and do it God’s way.  Our choices dictate our future, for better or for worse.

For richer or for poorer.

In sickness and in health.

It’s all a choice we make.  I resolve to be more patient as I control my choices in the future...and not to give in to doubt and fear.  To make better choices about food and exercise, knowing it helps release tension.  To take control when I can, and release control when I should.  Walking by faith is a daily choice...and I am delighted to traverse it’s path.  For truly, when I walk by faith and not by sight, everything lines up just as it should be.  Delighted to have the Buckeye walking beside me, and the prize finally being in sight.

It’s time to start packing😊