Why I’m a Christian

Yesterday, we lost the offer on the house; I found that out after a very long day that began in the wee hours.  The Buckeye’s beloved companion of 9 years, Mack, had passed away.

Mack-Mack.

When I got the call, I was more disappointed to learn that “earnest money” essentially means nothing in Arizona, than to hear of the cancellation.  I had noted weeks ago that our buyer had an offer on their home that dated back to September and still hadn’t closed...hence, I knew in my heart this could be a possibility.  Coming the day after a business blow, the same day my man’s dog died and after a day of doing bills and taxes and money things in general not looking too good?

James 1:2-5

This is why I believe.

The moment I heard the news, my heart raced to scripture.  Having purposed to choose faith just the day before; it was fresh in my mind. 

James 1:4 by itself has always, always been my favorite Bible verse.

I could feel a wee excitement bubble in my soul....and I was flooded by a peace that passed all understanding.  The calm I felt was not of my doing; no positive-thinking guru could have generated the calm I had, and have even now.

It’s more like a firewall :)

This is why I believe.

Through every storm of life; I find peace and strength to carry on through Christ.

My theology I find I unique; I’m pretty simple in it.

That’s it.  Right there, spoken by Christ.

Bad things are not from God.  To say they are contradicts the words of Christ Himself.  Good things are from God (as is noted numerous times in the New Testament.) We have free will to chose God’s way.  Doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen, as we live in a fallen world (and people have the aforementioned free will, to do good or evil.)

When I chose God’s way?  I have peace.  

Not sit back, do nothing and blessings will fall from the sky peace. No, this is a deep knowing that if I continue to work towards the plans I know are right, I will be ok.  No matter what happens.

Sweet Mack.

Mack was at least 11, but could have been 13.  He was a big boy, 80+ pounds, and his health had been declining all summer as his age caught up with him.  By the time the Buckeye and I had become a couple, Mack was slow and needed help getting up on smooth surfaces.  He had a tumor near his tail; he often could not get outside in time to poo.  The vet had assured the Buckeye Mack wasn’t in any pain; so nightly walks simply became shorter and the Buckeye bought more Swiffer wet pads for clean ups.  By fall, Mack had accepted me; whether it was my continued care for him or the fact he saw I loved his person, I know not.  All I know is he was an old dog, and he didn’t have to accept me; I would have been ok with that.  To have Mack chose to love me?  It gave me one of the points of joy that have continually kept me going in life.

The Buckeye had found Mack in a field on Thanksgiving Day, nine years before.  It was raining, and he noticed him driving to the grocery store.  When he was still sitting in the field a few hours later, the rain still pouring down, he decided to see if he could get him to shelter.  Mack came to him, and after an extensive search for his prior owners came up empty, became his dog.  

There are no fewer than nine photos of Mack in the Buckeye’s living room❤️

This faithful and loyal companion passed fairly peacefully after a brief struggle to breathe, with his person at his side.  He didn’t die alone; the Buckeye doesn’t have to wonder what happened.  As Mack crossed the Rainbow Bridge, it was his person who comforted him in those last moments; just as Mack had given comfort and love so freely for the prior nine years.

If God cares enough to give the Buckeye and his dog the best possible ending, how could I not believe He cares for me and my financial situation?

I’m a Christian because I see proof in the Bible that sin destroys and life can be lived in abundance.  That I can have peace in any situation through Christ’s strength in me.  That loving your neighbor as yourself applies to every person, even those you disagree with.  That loving the Lord your God has brought me nothing but joy; He has turned my sorrow in dancing, giving me the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.  That when life gets complicated (quite often because of decisions and actions I chose to take, including sin which we all deal with daily) He refreshes my soul, gives me wisdom to correct what went wrong, forgiving me of those transgressions I admit to making and strength and peace to see the change.  The Bible I see as my instruction book:  here is how the world works.  Sin hurts you (body and mind), and love never fails. Good things come from God, bad things from the enemy.  I have a choice to do things God’s way, or do things on my own.

When I chose to walk by faith, I have peace. 

I believe the Buckeye would say it’s enjoying “right now.”

I see other philosophers agree with the sentiment.

Today, I don’t have an offer, but I have a beautiful home that many had interest in, but knowing there was an offer had passed by.  Today they are being contacted; I am hopeful for another offer quickly.  I have Lucy as a companion as I work on 2018 action plans for Ride; she looks for her fur brother but isn’t as mopey as yesterday. Instead of stress and anxiety I have peace, and a building excitement as I anticipate a better offer with a better closing date.  I am doing what I know to do, bolstered by my faith.

That’s why I’m a Christian.

It has never failed to bring me peace.

Choosing Faith

This morning I awoke to a text that another golf cart was down.

Love my business, but goodness did we underestimate maintenance!!!!

I’ve been in the Pacific Northwest visiting family, and one cart, Greenie, went down two days after I got there.  I held off repair until I returned home and, now home, another goes down.  While I DO have an accepted offer on our home, closing isn’t until 1/15...so the profit I made in the remodel isn’t available until then.

Which means my source of income was just cut by 2/3rds...with no way to pay for the repairs.  Or Christmas.

Yesterday, Michigan gave me hope for half a game that they might beat Ohio State.

My Buckeye and I:)  The fact I couldn’t find my favorite Michigan football shirt I swear I had with me I took to be an omen that we’d lose.

You know, this shirt:

We are NOT doing an O-H here...it’s just an unfortunate coincidence, really!!!

Around halftime I started feeling funny.  Like I had a bad chest cold or something coming on.  It kinda felt like asthma but not quite....and it was asthma.  Had to take numerous hits off the inhaler.  Went to bed early, slept forever.  Laying there before I drifted off, I willed myself not to cry.  Owning a business, things can turn on a dime.  One cart down is bad, but manageable. Two isn’t.  Suddenly the business is in danger.

I have contingencies for the business...and it’s gonna be ok.  Both carts will be repaired this week, and back to making money.  But as owner, I won’t get paid this month....and I have a mortgage with one more payment due.  Credit cards that financed the remodel that must be paid...and my income is gone.  Nevertheless Christmas, and the fact I need to get my lungs under control.  My insurance doesn’t cover doctor visits...or prescriptions...and there’s nothing I can do.  Such out of control feelings and a body not cooperating...it’s amazing I actually fell asleep.

When I did, I dreamt of skydiving.

The first dream I willfully jumped from the plane, tumbling and then remembering the right position.  I could see Flyboy near me, showing me what position to be in.  When I realized I didn’t have on a chute I didn’t panic at all!! I decided to land like a bird on a rock on Willow Lake, and slowed my descent using body position to achieve it.  I landed with precision and joined my son (who was a toddler in the dream, not 6’5”) for a picnic.  It was joyous.  Flyboy told me in the dream I did so well, I didn’t need to jump tandem anymore.

In the second dream, however, I was tandem jumping.  Out of a helicopter.  We jumped twice, and zoomed around in the helicopter for a bit.  It was marvelous, and I had a wonderful time.  I don’t know who my tandem instructor was, but I was quite content.

In the final dream, I was wing walking on a biplane, with no parachute.  I felt no fear, only joy.  Flyboy said I could jump without a tandem, so I put on a chute (while sitting on the plane, go figure) and I did.  The freefall was amazing-I built figures with other skydivers and Flyboy again taught me different positions to change my freefall.  When my chute opened I was surprised...I didn’t know how to land.  Grabbing the toggles I just hoped for the best, and recall only being enveloped in silk.  It was my Buckeye who greeted me on the ground, as I joyously told him I was going to get my license to skydive.  I felt nothing but joy as I woke up, the dreams so vivid I thought they were real.

After my real skydive, taken by Flyboy.

The house is quiet, only the dog’s gentle snoring and the sounds of the outdoors.  I can hear birdsong mixed with the traffic, and my chest doesn’t feel constricted.

I have a choice.

Seven months ago, right now, I didn’t know what to do.  The apartment lease was up, and I didn’t feel returning home to Prescott was the right thing to do.  I planned a trip instead, to visit family and friends.  It would take a month, and it would tick off many bucket list items.  I had the time, and I had the cash.  Yet I felt drawn to Phoenix, and I couldn’t explain it.  I recall prayerfully crying the entire drive from Prescott that last Sunday before we closed up the apartment; begging God for vision to know what to do.  That night was when I had the first skydiving dream...I awoke to skydiving Groupon ads on my laptop (having looked it up the night before.) That day, I made a choice:  I would stay in Phoenix, and I would skydive.

I never, ever wanted to skydive.  

Ever.

That week, I found the cottage.

Bliss, joy, happiness and healing.  Oh, so much healing, it all took place here.

And I asked if anyone wanted to skydive, and a friend said yes.

Since no buckeyes jumped with me, I wore my Wolverine shirt (both Flyboy and (obviously) the Buckeye are buckeyes).

And setting aside all fear with faith, I had the best day ever.

Jumping Out Of Airplanes

When I cried for answers, I had two immediate ones:  rent a place for yourself (ohhhhhh I love my cottage!!) and go skydiving.  I did both on faith.

And immediately received the peace passeth all understanding.  The jump will forever be a powerful reminder that when I thoroughly trusted Him, nothing could shake my peace.  

Nothing:)

Last night at church, one of the passages was James 4:8, “Come close to God, and He will come close to you.”  The message was simple, to chose to draw close to God rather than to drift away.  Last night, I was hurting physically and financially the next six weeks could harm my credit simply due to the timing being off by two weeks. Yet I know in six weeks when the house closes, it’ll be ok.  I’ll owe no man anything, and have an abundance.  Everything will be paid in full.  My children are old enough to wait two weeks for Christmas gifts...and it’s really a choice at this moment.

To have faith.

Faith that the house selling will have no hiccups, and will close as scheduled.  Faith that my business contingency will work, and work quickly.  Faith that I’ll have enough to cover the bills regardless of income.  

Faith that I will soon be in my own, new home.

Two years ago, I readied my home for sale, take all that I loved and putting it into storage.  The house didn’t sell, and my home was but a shell.  There was no joy there as there once was.  

There is now:)

Lovingly remodeling the house, and restoring the pride in it I truly believe is why we had a quick sale, in the first three weeks on the market.  

The blessings we have now:  to spend Christmas in our home when it’s beautiful, to have time to plan the move, is good.  By faith, the finances will work out as I put into play my contingency plan.  I’m not going to freak out over a downed cart, I’m going to make it work.  This week I have a second interview with a company I’ve applied to for over two years.  Prayerfully, it will lead to a full time position-on the corporate side of direct sales.  An entry position, yes...but one I believe I would love, as I so love the industry.  My focus right now needs to be on what I can fix...and have faith that the rest will not harm me, but bring me hope and a future.

It’s Christmas...and this year my focus is entirely on the joy that Christ’s birth has brought me.  The overwhelming peace that has consumed me since waking this morning is a choice to believe that as I draw close to God, He will show up.

Lately I’ve had wonderful philosophical discussions with those who do not believe in God; is it an oxymoron to call such a thing “wonderful?” I confounded one with my clearly libertarian leanings and yet believe in what they held to be a deeply patriarchal system that suppressed women.  We deeply respected each other, and as we shared our beliefs I could feel the palatable hurt they had endured.  I knew my testimony wasn’t adequate to persuade them any differently, but hoped my willingness to listen and understand their perspective would lead to more conversations in the future.  They never asked why I believed, or asked what benefit I drew from it.  They saw only the negatives that so many others see: suppression, lies and hypocrisy.

Why do I believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God whom I call Savior?

Because I don’t believe I can have this kind of peace without Him.

For me, its not about the promise of eternal life (although a wonderful gift, and comforting at times of loss...that’s not why I believe.) I believe the Bible lays out what will hurt you, and what will help you.  Sin in the Bible is all the things we now scientifically know will harm you, either physically or emotionally over time.  To my scientific mind, that’s all the proof I need God is real.  Our designer laid out how we work...thousands of years before Man figured it out. As I’ve lived my almost half a century, I’ve seen time and again that to enjoy life, I have to have peace.  And the only times I have true peace?  

When I trust in Him.

Instead of panic, I feel a building excitement as I chose to draw near to Him.  Thankful He gave us a Savior in His Son. This Christmas is something entirely new, and I will chose to savor it.  For this peace is the best gift I could ever receive.

Angle of Approach

168.4

That’s exactly 13 lbs, and the first time I’ve seen a “6” instead of a “7.”

Hope springs anew!  I’m sitting in the cockpit of a F-18, too!!!

Dang I need a touch up on my red...

When I last left you two weeks ago, weight loss had stalled.  The house remodel was done, and I was happy to have it completed.

BUY MY HOUSE!

My weight loss had all but stopped, but I was happy and in love.  I knew I needed to add exercise to my routine, and watch my diet for obvious carbs.  One of the best HABITS to come out of this diet is recording my food...and let’s be honest.  With today’s free apps there’s no reason not to.  It’s fast, easy and hey!  Rewarding.

This guy just hit 10lbs lost!!!  He had his app screen covered in confetti and was forced to hit the “You Rock!” Button, too.  We both loved it!

So I started hiking again; with the Buckeye on Monday after work.  Amazingly my lungs did great; of the four hikes I’ve taken, only one required an inhaler puff.  I am trying to be conscious of the foods I eat, but admittedly I can’t tell you what ones I should avoid.  I’m simply trying to chose more greens than ever, and ditching obvious starches here and there.

Did I mention it was dark by the end of our hikes?

Getting back on the trail has done more than simply help my weight; I feel better simply having moved.  During the remodel I moved constantly; it’s not hard to see the correlation that when I stopped moving my weight loss stalled.  As always, it comes back to calories.  We use a certain amount everyday, just to stay alive.  Use more than you consume, you burn fat.  Consume more than you need? It’s stored.  My food log is the hard evidence I frequently consume much more than I need.

BWW with the girls:)

But that’s changing as I get farther in, and my body adapts to my fasting days.  I’ve switched it up, and my results are changing.

Two weeks ago, I got tired of dreading Monday.  I was always at the Buckeye’s, and worked on my computer. Being alone, I had plenty of time to think about how hungry I was.  Like obsess over it.  Once I ate lunch, I was ravenous!  So I decided “starvation mode” needed to be tested.  I’m fully capable of going until dinner without eating...but have always been told I wouldn’t lose weight because my body would hoard it.  I suspected junk science, but it seemed true.  My food log suggested that what really happened is I ate 2-3000 calories late on those days.  So I decided to stop eating.

The first Monday was my first hike...and I had coffee for breakfast and a tea for lunch.  I was well hydrated when we set off...with nothing on my stomach.  

And I did fine.

That gave me the opportunity to indulge in a bowl of chili and a Coors Light when we got home, and it was wonderful.  I went to bed full, and felt great.  Repeating this the next three fast days, I found I had no hunger pains, no lightheadedness, and went to bed full.  I could exercise with no issue even late in the day, and felt great.

The surprising thing?  I found I easily got fuller at other meals!

At BWW I adore their cheese curds, and could easily eat a basket, and then eat eight wings.  Last Tuesday I could only eat 1/2 a basket—no Wings—as I was full.  The girls all were stunned, as my love for the curds are well known.  Right now I’m off visiting family, and I’m pointedly listening to my stomach.  Three days in a row I’ve brought home a doggie bag; when I’m full I stop.  I purposely planned my six hour drive for a fast day, so it would be easy to skip lunch.

Three weeks in to changing things up, I see my approach to my fast days is now exactly as it should be for me.  It’s positively effecting my weight, my appetite and my energy level...and that’s exciting!

Preparing to sew the Buckeye’s backpack, and stopping because I had the wrong thread.

Last Monday when I went to fix the backpack strap; I could have sewn it with regular thread.  It would have held for a few hikes, but I knew if I sewed it with a heavier thread the repair would likely last the life of the bag.  I knew going into the 5:2 diet if I ate breakfast I’d be starving by lunch, so I skipped it.  Starving after lunch surprised me, but it seemed that to fast longer would be wrong, so I stumbled on and began dreading Monday’s.  A little research suggested I’d be fine with a longer fast, and indeed, I was.  This is how I will continue, having found what works best for me.  Diets are a lot of trial and error, of gaining wisdom as to what works best for us.  As a lifelong seamstress, I knew not to bother with the lighter thread.  I’ve not been a lifelong dieter, but I did know something’s about my body and how it reacted.  Once I finally applied that, I’ve found better success!

Fort Simcoe kitchen

This week I’m traveling, and it’s Thanksgiving.  Yes, I’ll still do the 5:2.  Yes, I’ll eat whatever I want on Thursday, knowing it’ll be recorded!!!  My comfort is that I’m finding this diet is less a diet, and is slowly becoming a lifestyle.  The benefits of fasting are gaining more recognition, and I’m encouraged it’s a positive for my life long term.  I’m blessed to have a partner in this with the Buckeye; without whom I would not have stuck with it.

So crazy in love with this man.

My approach to the diet has changed; my success I hope will be a lifestyle change.  Once again I’m finding that if st first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

This time I think I found what really works.

Online Dating: How to Harvest a Crop to Pick a Great Guy

We don't need a man...but having the right man can be a blessing.  Rather than be frustrated with dating, I had fun with it!!  I developed a fun online dating system that worked super well, so I thought I'd share.  

First, after trying them all I find Bumble had the best "crop" of men:) Yes, I've chosen to poke fun at the process as I "harvest a crop" hoping to "pick" the "ripest fruit...!"  Online dating can be frustrating, so comparing it to farming...well, it makes it easier!

So, Bumble is the "nicer" version of Tinder and works the same way-swipe right if you like/left if you don't.  The difference is women have to message first, and that's important as you'll later see.  My method I worked on for some time-so know it's well tested:)

First off, only plan to get on the dating website ONCE in a three week cycle.  The reason you do this is to beat the built-in algorithms...if you log in everyday you'll not see the variety you are looking for.  Follow the process and enjoy the steps-it's less frustrating when you have a plan.  Next, build a quick profile, with less selfie pictures, more action pictures and always include a full body shot that is super recent (lets be honest immediately, it saves issues later.)  When you write, keep it super short, and avoid saying you're "sweet."  If you have kids, be simple about it, "mom to three teenagers" or "mom to 4 & 6 year old boys." Bullet points are good (men hate to read our fluffy stuff;) Be real, and realize all the other girl's pictures are full of boobs.  Like all of them.  Don't worry, you don't need to show a ton of cleavage to get a good guy.  

Next, harvest your first crop.  Very quickly swipe left and right with abandon.  Don't bother reading their profiles-yet!!  This is the first culling process...have fun!  Left, right-your goal is to get as many matches as possible for the next step.  Once you've reached your end (no more available) that's it.  Don't go back in a few hours to swipe more.  No more swiping until you're done dealing with this "crop."

On Bumble, girls go first, which is awesome.  You have 24 hours to connect-never pay for the added features!  You don't need them!!  After your swiping spree, check out your matches (more may appear over the next few hours).  Avoid the temptation to swipe more--men are plentiful, let's just stick to this group.  Now look at each match and read their profile.  Look for clues in photos, look at the friends/family, clothing, etc.  Delete those you aren't interested in!  This is winnowing the crop-you are weeding out the undesirables!

With the group you have left, divide them into two categories-really like and the maybes:)  The maybes?  They got just this: "Hey😊"  The burden was TOTALLY on them to make me interested, as they were only a maybe (I actually found my business partner with this methodology😂😎). The ones you like?  Look at their profiles and find something you have in common and ask them about it.  Then wait for the responses.

You want to get off Bumble asap...but you also don't want to give out your number first.  Gotta be safe...so within the first 24-48 hrs if there's easy communication, ask for their number with a "let's switch to text, what's your number?"  Never, ever give yours first.  If he won't give it to you first, delete!!

Once you have his number, punch it into the reverse phone lookup on Been Verified.  This is a great inexpensive background checker. 95% of the time his number will reveal his name, and you can do a background check on the same site. Unlimited background checks and phone lookups for $17 a month-worth it's weight in gold!  Been Verified is spot on for criminal records in their general check--girls, always run this!!!  I've had guys with extensive criminal records pop up (mostly guys I met in bars, and on other dating sites, but a few on Bumble) and remember-he does NOT have your number at this point.  If you see something disturbing-delete!!!  

So by now you likely have a few numbers (if you did it well, three or four was my average) and let the texting begin.  Here's the deal-don't drag this part out.  Don't hound him.  The best rule to play by? No pressure!!  If he's interested, he'll respond.  Within 24-48 hrs of that initial text, you should have a phone conversation.  If it lasts an hour-you need to meet.  If he doesn't suggest it; you suggest coffee.  He hesitates?  Gone.......don't be texting him.  If he suggests dinner?  Yes, go:) You will likely cull a few more out in this phase, and be left with one or two.

Don't drag out the meet online until meet in person.  You won't know if it's "for real" until you meet in person.  Don't waste time on guys who will end up not worth your time -you can't get those hours back!!!  If you think you like him-meet sooner than later!!!  I've had several awful dates after thinking the guy was great on the phone--you can't tell until you meet!!

Meeting someone-always tell your bff where you are going, who you are meeting and HAVE THEM TEXT YOU DURING THE DATE.  My bff is a former Green Beret so that was always a great conversation starter when he'd text me on a date;)  The text is for several reasons-an out of you need to bail, and a good gauge to see if the guy is offended (if you like him, tell him it's your bff checking up on you.  It shows you are a quality girl:). Always meet on "your turf" where you are comfortable.  Always drive separate.  Be safe:) if you'd like to see him again, let him know when you say goodbye...and let the next move be a thank you text and that's it!  Be patient girlfriend, the right guy will pursue.  If he doesn't...well, there's always the next crop!!

Once I perfected my "harvesting of a crop" last summer, I only had to pick three crops (over four months, each crop took 3-6 weeks to go completely through) before I found "the one" in January.  A big thing is to not start a new cycle until you've cleared out the old cycle, it gives you control of your time by having standards and I met amazing men-many who became friends and networking contacts.  One is now my business partner and another I just hired to be my ad guy (and he's incredible!)  That's also something to remember-if there's no spark but you gel?  Friendship is amazing!!!  Just be honest:)

So "the one?"  We actually became friends who simply kissed goodbye.  After two months of casually dating him, I stopped dating others.  I never pressured him, but was always "there"-popping up now and then.  By May I considered harvesting a new crop...I knew I was interested in more, but him? Maybe not.  So I decided to cook him dinner (we'd always gone out) and I made him a gift.  Just a little something he'd mentioned he was interested in (a genealogy of his family; genealogy is my favorite hobby so it was really no big deal.)  That night as we poured over his chart something changed-he saw in me something more.  He asked me for lunch the next day...and that was ten weeks ago.  We rarely go a day now without seeing each other-and yes, we are talking long term.  Why?  The friendship came first.  It was an amazing foundation to build on:)

Good luck harvesting your crops!!  The right guy should not save you, but be your cheering section as you save yourself:):):) Have standards, winnow out the weeds and cull out the duds.  Enjoy the process-but set standards. You are a treasure-don't settle! :)

Want the full story?  Read my eBook!

Love Online at Amazon.com for just $3.49!

Took this picture for the blog, and chuckled at how old the pictures were. I had to reinstall the app to do so...and while there? Deleted the account right after I took the picture.  May your days of online dating be few!

Gaining in Everything

I weigh now essentially what I weighed the last two-three weeks.

I’m trying to care, but I admit...I’m too happy.

I’m still doing my fast days, and frankly, it’s why I haven’t put on a ton of weight.  It’s keeping me stable when on the other five days I indulge in chips, or hearty breakfasts of lettu & sausages, made from scratch by my amazing boyfriend, the Buckeye.

Last week😂😂😂

I’m not going to lose more weight if I continue to eat like this...but at the same time, I kinda like eating like this!  Thus, the realization has hit I must add exercise back into my routine; my asthmatic lungs shouldn’t protest too much as fall has finally settled in.  There was a nice crispness to the air yesterday as we travelled the Apache Trail; as lifelong Midwesterners turned Phoenicians we laughed heartily that we could feel it at 74°!  My lung issues had started back when the temps hit 90°; finally, it’s cooled down and  the air conditioning has been off over a week now.  

My last trip to the top of Piestewa, May 10th.  A week later I’d only make it half way up, two weeks later I’d suffer heat exhaustion.

Let me clarify...we Jeeped the Apache Trail:)

I so loved this!!!

Canyon Lake at the start.

Arizona’s “Jr. Grand Canyon”

This weekend was the first in many we had no real plans; the Buckeye took out his new foster mentee (I haven’t met him yet, so no nickname yet!) and a mild injury had sidelined him from his weekly rugby practice.  We’ve decided that Saturday evening church works best for us, followed up by sushi and grocery shopping.

Because the snowbirds are back, and they don’t grocery shop at 7pm on Saturday’s😎

That left Sunday open for the first time in ages; our impromptu trip to Apache Lake and the drive along Apache Trail via Tortilla Flats was delightful.  

Fall in the desert:)

It also meant I didn’t record any of my foods for this weekend until this morning....and I’m thankful my weight is pretty much the same.  I’m fluctuating between 171.2 and 173.2, which is a normal weekly fluctuation if I wasn’t trying to lose weight.  Given my food history it’s easy to see why...and it’s easy to see how to fix it and restart the process.

Exercise.

I did run a few yards of this-oh, how I miss trail running!  

It all comes down to my lungs...and this week I’m going to work on my diet.  Their are foods that supposedly help alleviate asthma symptoms: foods rich in vitamin B complex, magnesium, vitamin C, selenium and Omega 3 fatty acids and vitamin A.  All are linked to being anti-inflammatory; my 5:2 diet is also considered to be anti-inflammation.  Being more aware that my non-diet food choices are crap, and my asthma may be directly related to it is key in changing it.  In reality, It’s more about having those better foods available.  Saturday I was alone, and the Buckeye had not yet been grocery shopping.  My scavenged  lunch was heavy on carbs...and laziness on my part.  It was easier to supplement my hunger with my beloved chips than carrots (of which there were plenty) as it simply “wasn’t a fast day.”  Having a better plan for non-fast days is key:  as is knowing what foods help prevent exercise-induced asthma (thankfully, it’s still only that!)

So while gaining a bit of weight (and losing it, and regaining it...lol, it’s actually pretty stable right now) I also find I am gaining in love.

I am continually surprised at the fact that when I think I can fall no more in love than I already am, I fall more in love than ever before.

The Buckeye took this on Friday; I was delighted by two things.  My waist (haha! Yes, I’m a bit vain!) and how happy I look.

We’ve been a couple for six months; we’ve known each other for just over ten.  Friday I took him on a treasure hunt (with a picnic lunch!) and Sunday he took me on a Jeeping adventure.  Both were impromptu treats, neither took more than a few hours planning and cost very little.  Yet the experiences will linger as memories forever; neither of us will forget how the other saw a way to bless.  

And that’s why I fell more in love than ever before.

A busy friend had commented casually on a Facebook post this week, “Are you falling in love? ✨” with wishes for my happiness.  I chuckled, knowing how busy they were, and wondering how just now they had come to that conclusion when I had been so overt in my declarations of such.  Yet things have changed recently...a settled peace has poured over me.  The sudden death of a friend this week has me contemplating how unpredictable life is and remembering vividly what widowhood is like, as his wife who is also my friend, now faces it.  These memories of widowhood, swimming to the surface with such clarity, have had the opposite effect I would have thought they’d have.  

Fear of loss has clung to me for 21 years now; this spring I realized that habit had lead to rushing, and never slowing down.  I’m always wanting to hit goals quickly and check them off; for instance, I fell in love in May.  Done, checked off, completed.

I realize after this weekend it never has to end.

As I watched him decide to go on an adventure on a day that’s always held painful memories, I fell in love a bit more.  Yesterday as he delighted in my gleeful giggles, it happened again.  I fell a bit more.  The realization that I could continually fall for this man coated my soul in peace; this wasn’t just a box to be checked.  17 years of struggling in a hard marriage, where I regularly had to chose to love a man who didn’t necessarily chose the same, had caused me to forget.  I had forgotten how little moments were special, how falling love was a process that never ended.  Remembering the hardships of widowhood had unwittingly drudged up memories of the days leading up to it...and the years prior.  Of the Knight and I accidentally saying the same thing, and our ridiculous immediate response of “Jinx.  Double jinx. Triple jinx. Quadruple jinx...” until one of us said something different, and we’d giggle like little kids...and fall a bit more in love.  Of how arguments lead to making up; knowing after our bond was stronger, and falling a bit more.  How little tasks like dishes after dinner together knitted us together...and how I had written we’d reached cruising altitude just before he was diagnosed with cancer.  I was surprised by jealousy when it cropped up; knowing my friend’s last strangled words were of love to his wife, when my husband died without me by him.  Jealousy popped up again when the Buckeye had a Facebook memory unexpectedly show him and his prior girlfriend; his careful erasure of his past having missed a memory.  I pride myself in not being a jealous woman, so I was surprised by both instances; digging deeper I saw it was merely leftover hurt from widowhood, and the other nothing more than being so completely in love I had wished both of our pasts away.  Widowhood memories indubitably made me think about my future with the Buckey, and the potential that I could possibly walk through widowhood again.

And instead of fear of loss, for the first time I saw the many moments yet to come.  Of contented excitement, looking forward to our first hike in five months later today, and the low-cal fasting day dinner we’d come home to.  Of our upcoming excursion to the Wickenburg Bluegrass Festival, and our very first Michigan-Ohio State game together.  Our first Christmas; the first anniversary of our first date.  Valentine’s Day (which he swore he didn’t celebrate on a hike before we fell in love) and using our airplane tickets from Prescott.  I don’t want to rush to any of them.  Remembering my widowhood, and the unexpected death of a friend exactly my age, put in front of me that today (now) is simply to be savored.  That the sweet note I received after I woke up this morning is, quite simply, another reason to fall deeper, more madly in love.  Everything I ever needed, he is so much more.  As I gain perspective, I gain in love.  I thought I knew what I wanted, until he repeatedly shows me he knows me better than I know myself.

At church, pastor talked about sifting through the sediment of our past; dealing with and then discarding the bad as we find it.  Rushing, I simply sought to capture things before they were lost; a life of rejection and loss had taught me that.  My accumulation of sentimental things was a symptom of that; trying to hold on to the happy memories they represented.  As of late, and with the house remodel complete, I see I can rid myself more easily of stuff than ever before.  I don’t need proof of past love when I’m living it daily.

While the weight I’ve gained I’m learning to deal with more effectively, the perspective and love I’ve gained have blessed me.  The peace I have now I don’t understand, and I’m choosing to simply relish it.

The past....we can let go of it!!!

Am I falling in love?  Yes, and more-so every day.  I plan to never stop this time; to always be looking for those little things that cement us together.  

Even if this is how we will think of each other the last Saturday in November!

More importantly, I’m learning from my past how to make the best of my future.

Still on the Diet

I’ve lost track-is it 6 weeks now?  This diet thing is getting old.

Yeah!

So I “gained” this week, and then ended up weighing 171lbs on Monday.  Which is essentially what I weighed last week.

Last week, I was sooooo over dieting...Monday is a struggle when you have golf in the evening and not a lot to do during the day.  I did my same “two lunch” thing and was ok...but ended up not eating dinner.  Wednesday, my second fast day, I was busy so it was easy not to think about food.  The weekend, however?

Oh, I ate and ate.  The Buckeye and I went out to dinner on Thursday, with me in my rockabilly outfit.

Not that you can tell...let’s see if I have a better picture.

Waiting at the airport:)

Gotta say that our little tradition of my dressing up to pick him up has been delightful-I love that he loves my effort, as much as I love simply getting dolled up.  What was WONDERFUL was nearly all of my dresses fitting again; 2/3rds look great, including this form fitting one.

So maybe the diet isn’t too bad...!!

What’s nice is I now weigh what I weighed in May, when I stopped exercising due to the heat triggering my asthma.  It’s given me some confidence, especially since I have multiple pairs of jeans that fit (that I had bought this spring.)  In addition, I’ve studied more on the benefits of fasting, and I can see direct correlations to the Biblical tenant of fasting.  Apparently, our brains work better so we can find food. It’s also good in reducing inflammation, which essentially causes every bad thing in our body.

My body’s looking a tad better.

Saturday was the Special Olympics state golf championship; the Buckeye’s game was marred by a hand injury the night before.  He and Daisy came in second in their round, and Manchild was on hand to take photos.

Silver medals...but considering he couldn’t use two fingers on his right hand?  Amazing.

Both of my boys saw us off; Dove and I had a much later tee time.

So thrilled he got me into Special Olympics.  I have loved golfing with Dove and the organization in general!

We girls ended up coming in last in our round and hey, second to last overall, but we had a great day.

Dove & I golf on Monday’s with Brian & Ashley.  They took silvers in their round.

I admit, I feel bad that I’m so new to golf I can’t give Dove the edge to compete.  We actually golf about the same, and we each keep getting better every week.  I so look forward to regular golfing with the Buckeye this winter!

Yes-winter golf!  Loving Phoenix in the fall...I’m not used to the valley seasons, and I’m finding I’m cold when it’s in the 70’s:)

So the diet?  I had a lot of hot dogs this weekend (football, Special Olympics, drive time) and not a lot of consistent meal planing.  My weight staying stable I took as a good thing.

Dieting....so not me.  So boring.  So not fun.

But I’m liking the results, and plan to keep at it.  I simply need to add in more exercise.

The Buckeye bought me flowers; said they reminded him of my hair:)

The remodel of the house is done, and I’m praying for a quick sale.  I’ve sent out dozens of resumes, and hoping in the next month I’ll have tremendous positive change.

I guess the diet is just part of that change.  Not stopping, even though it’s so boring.

So thankful for someone going at it with me...for the first time.  Not gonna quit, not when he doesn’t.  Thankful for my Buckeye.