False Start

Sometimes, we jump the gun.

Thumb Butte, late afternoon, Thanksgiving Eve.

All week, I had stressed about Thanksgiving.  The King and I have not seen eye to eye for sometime; the holiday required a show of togetherness that I had no desire to fake.

So I stressed.

A lot.

This kind of stressing.

I purposely went up the steep side, daring the air monster to show up, just so I could get mad.

Couldn't find him...

I rested at my reward bench, drinking in the view and sipping from my water.  My stress had vanished in the climb, and I collected my thoughts.  It was going to be fine.

It was better than fine.

Despite our differences, we proved we could enjoy our time as a family.

So, encouraged by others, I thought I could branch out a bit, and explore other options.

On the Constellation, in jeans and boots.

It'd been awhile, and honestly I was a tad reluctant.  Thumb Butte had become a refuge, it didn't seem right switching up my trails.

Somewhat heart shaped rocks-not much of a sign.

I thought it would be fun, but in the end I was too hot, was unprepared without water, and I missed my views (the view from the Constellstion?  My work!)  I realized belatedly that I should have stuck to what was working.  I didn't like finding airplane pieces without a partner, didn't like being next to that other place of stress, my place of employment.  What I thought would work didn't...and I was disappointed in my choice.

But then there's this:

Seriously.  When I parked in the driveway!

So I'm back to what I know (ditching a hike because it's too cold) and I'm learning what I like, what I could like, and maybe what should be.

Apparently, pride in one's clean vehicle is a good thing?!

I'm learning...

Rivers and Buttes and Such

I missed a week because of this.

Another day of snow!!!

(Although this photo is from the first snow.  Just FYI.  For transparency, you know.  Like the Obama administration.  Truth.)

I suppose it was ok I missed a week, as the day before I walked all over ASU's campus for homecoming.

Viking braids at last!!

But I hated missing my new habit, and was determined to make up for it with a trek up the steep side this week.

Look at the shadows on the butte-don't they look like climbers?!

It was tough-I had an air monster episode that scared me just a bit.

My reward.

What stinks is I was to meet a friend at 5pm, so I hurriedly skipped down the butte, ever conscious of the time.  

Except they *thought* they had texted to say they were gonna be late (i.e. they wouldn't show up until after the Packers won their game.)

Needless to say, I was still thrilled.  The hike had been hard, and I had loved it.  I sang, skipped and danced my way down, much like I had done another day on the butte this summer.

For finally, it was over.

Grief has stages:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I find I tend to lump my stages together, and rarely (if ever) do things the way everyone else does.  My depression came with my denial, much earlier this summer.  Over the weekend, I tried to bargain away my anger.  What happened instead?  I found freedom.

Acceptance.

Coffee really does taste better in one of my mugs...but now with coffeemate and a single sweet'n'low 😊

My time machine doesn't allow travel to the future as fast as I'd like, but I'm learning to pace myself and enjoy the ride.  My fast hike up the steep side reminded me that pain can accompany a trip too quickly taken, and sometimes slow and measured is better.  

Much better.

Fitness Quest.  Learning that life's quest is more than just fitness as we traditionally think of it.  It's a process of discovery I'm finding challenging, painful and rewarding, all at once.

Excuse me.  It's time to bring my time machine out and dust it off.  This quest has just barely begun.